Update: Trip experience

How happy I am for having again an opportunity to write something in this unworthy blog! And by the way, I am still in Central Java and planning to celebrate the Christmas here, so I will go back to Jakarta on January 08.

Glory to God! I have a very peaceful time here in the house of Father Alexios. What a beauty to be so near with the Church and faithful brothers and sisters. I learn about the Orthodox way of live here through their lives; in prayers, witness, sincerity and hospitality and love! Father Alexios spends sometime with me in the morning to explain and teach me from the Holy Scriptures. I was also given the opportunity to serve as an altar boy together with some brothers here! What a great training. Presbytera Heleni has been like my own mother for me. She's very kind and gentle. I learn how to make a prayer rope from her. And finally I made a 75 knots prayer rope and I will save it and bring it to Tangerang!

The supports from our faithful brothers and sisters here is also encouraging. I meet more and more Orthodox youths from this city (about 20 or even 30 youths at about my age)! And it is also very good to know and live in one house Mas Johan, Mas Indra and Esti and also Mbak Ike (a big family)! Tomorrow I will attend the blessing service for the new opened restaurant of one of brothers! I really love to be here to see how God has been so faithful protecting, preserving and increasing His beloved Church in Indonesia.

And although in fact I am a shy person and not very easy to communicate, that is sometimes speaking tottered and not easy to innitiate a conversation, but the Lord is very faithful! May Your Love made perfect in my weaknesses O Lord. The coming days will be so prayerful days as the time moves, new year comes and also theDay of Lord's Nativity! I really wish to be able to write again!

Glory to You, O God! Please pray for me brothers and sisters, Yudhie the sinner! My unworthy prayers be with you!

Greetings from Solo, Central Java

This vacation, I am very glad for an unexpected opportunity to go to Solo! And right now I am staying in Father Alexios' house to learn more and more about Church life. I depart from Jakarta this afternoon and arrived at about 6 pm. What an exciting journey! As I arrived, I was invited to attend the beautiful Vesper Service.

The The brothers and sisters here welcomed me very warmly. I met Esty and Mas Indra, Father Alexios' son and daughter about the same age with me. They're very friendly and we become friends then! I will attend the Divine Liturgy tomorrow together with them in the Holy Trinity Church (which is beside this house! :D). Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!

not I but Christ living in me

I have been realizing how easy it is for me to get distracted away from my focus to follow the greatest Master of all who lovest mankind. It doesn't need great storm to make me disturbed but only the simple thing may made me helpless when I am trapped in self-pity and if I trust in my own strength (which is always insufficient) to deal with even the slightest thing during the day or even to make a spiritual labor as the ego thinks, "well I'll try my best to do it or that in my way'. And this results the tendency of displeasure, impatience or anger if an obstacle intervenes, that is when anything doesn't go as 'I' want.

And I found that it is very tricky, and the subtle line of self-satisfaction can lead to the self-righteousness, as the temptation comes to think that we're 'good enough' or in feeling right. Just like when we think that we're humble but actually not, or when we think we're not, yet actually yes, by His grace. Only One is Good!

Only Jesus who lives in us can do all these things for us. Rest completely in Him, beloved, and let His life be your only joy. Then all other things and people will be sent to you, as He sends them.
Glory to Thee O God!

Once again this beautiful reminder clinging in my heart,

"Brother, do not worry too much about humility. It isn't something we can "grow" through our own efforts or will power. By all means, always take the humble and lowest place, but not to gain humility or even to demonstrate it. Seek Christ always first, and do what you see Him doing in your spirit, and accept everything that happens to you, good and bad, with the same cheerfulness (not resignation), the same satisfaction with God's plan for your life."

and this words touch my heart so poignantly,

To truly believe you are nothing, you forget yourself completely, and think only of the other. We reach this state of belief only rarely, and then lose it as quickly as we see ourselves reflected in something else again, or in someone. Then, without realizing it, we remember ourselves again, and abandon forgetfulness, and we again can say, "I am nothing."

Lord, have mercy on me a sinner! Truly O Lord, Let Thy Life be my only joy, may Thou live in me and I in Thee, now and ever and unto the ages of ages! Amen!

a little beautiful quote

Thanksgiving is a wall of protection against anxiety – for how can we fear that for which we give thanks? Thanksgiving is the oil of gladness that anoints and heals the saddened heart. Thanksgiving is the solemn rebuke of the wayward energy of our anger.

Guard your heart. Let nothing rob you of your humanity. Let nothing destroy the peace of your heart. With true philotimo rejoice in the presence of God.

I quoted those words from Father Stephen's blog. Thanks Father Stephen!

Glory to Thee O God! Thou who art Worthy of all praises, glory and honor, before Whom nothing is hidden! Glory to Thee.

How merciful art Thou, O Lord...

Once again I am amazed toward God's faithfulness to me the unworthy one! Because instead of my nothingness, He grant me His mercy and He has lead me into His Way, Truth and Life. Day by day in his kairos time He let me to learn although in my poverty of heart and mind, I am slow to understand, but truly Thou art faithful. Lord, how great it is to remember Thy Love and Mercy.

I am very glad this week receiving a box of gifts from my great friend consist of lovely things which will help me to learn and warm my heart in love toward God! I am very happy for that! And for this week when I have the remaining two weeks to finish up the assignments for this semester, I am very thankful for a little time He grants me to read the book "Basic Orthodoxy" by Anthony M Coniaris. A very great book for me personally because of its simplicity and yet deep and thoughtful explanation of Orthodox frameworks mainly focusing on the Liturgical life of the Church.

In reading the very beginning part of this book, my heart was touched by the explanation about the kronos and kairos, and I recommend brother Romanos' posting explaining about this. Glory to Thee, O God!

Intermezo: the rambutans

It's December! The drops of rain blur the windows and everything becomes so green. Sometimes the scene is accompanied with the fresh smell of the earth. I remembered when I was a little boy in this season. It was a very special month because the weather is very mild and the fruits are everywhere.

In our old house, we had some mangoes trees, cacao, and also rambutan. And the favourite one among those fruits is the rambutan. I remember how my sister and me together harvested and collected the fruits into baskets and my mother would bind its bunches and we ate it with whoever stopped by. Until now, when December comes I really miss the opportunity to eat rambutans with my friends, and that reminds me to them.

And besides our home, there were some yellow lilies which my dear mom loved so much. It had the orange buds and my neighbors used to call it "Lilie Kasoem". The rains might be fall so frequently that although some of my neighbors still went to the field (usually they went very early at about 4 a.m. and went home at 5 p.m.) but some of us stayed at home and that was a very good opportunity for me to write anything in my mind (I liked writing, although it's so very simple!).

As the December comes, my small village in Sumatra island would be very muddy and humid. And the road would be so slippery and difficult to access. But as a child I really enjoyed to play in that mud with my friends and would suddenly stop when our parents sought after us and asked us not to play since it was not safe.

Just a little memory of childhood :)! Lord, season after season Thou has been so faithful! Let Thy praise be always in my mouth and my heart. Glory to Thee O God, Glory to Thee.

Abiding in Him

This morning I was very glad for being able to talk online with my great friend and I am always glad that Merciful God made me known to him. A friendship is indeed a very beautiful gift from God. He is love and He provides every opportunity and moment in our life to love Him and those around us or even those whom we never expected and yet God reveals to us to be our friends. God's ways are often unpredictable and wondrous.

And our part in this is to let Him works through us, and lives in us that His glory shines. He is the true light and even in our weaknesses but for His name sake, He also called us the light (and salt) of the world. And it comes true in the lives of saints of the Church. And when I am contemplating in a very simple mind and manner, the Lord let me to see that this is the common thing among them, just as St. John the Forerunner in great humility said, "He (Christ) must become greater and I become less". In another word, they abandoned themselves into his love as our Church Fathers used to say, and walked obediently and humbly in the Path of Truth.

And the process is not instant and is through the narrow way, the way which is unpopular and unfavorable to the world, because it requires the denial of the self. It is to go down to humility into which the devil is not able to enter because of the swells of pride. It is the way which will crush the old way of life and make the heart contrite and gentle. It is the way of Christ, and thus our way too to live by His divine grace.

O, Thy mercy O Lord, I plea. I rejoice for Thou hast lead me into Thine Holy Church which shepherds Thy rational flock in the Truth and make us live such experiential faith in Thee. Glory to Thee.

Thy Will be done! And grace my mind and heart O Lord, that Thy servant may welcome each opportunity and moment which Thou has provided during this life to love Thee with all my heart and soul and to love those whom Thou sent without grumbling or judging. And may Thou become greater and I become less. Amen!

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!