workshop of holiness

It has been a great experience for me to be together with my friends during this practicum in Kalimantan Island. I and three of my friends Jonshon, Bambang and Rudy will be here, in Pontianak to do the field experience during these 3 or so months. So far we had very exciting days! It is always good for brethren to be together in peaceful manner. We are Christians, and it is great to share and talk to each other heart’s about our real lives and struggles in living our faith in Christ. We had great time to share our concerns and all that happen to us to purify them and offer them back to the Lord.

After hearing a few things being shared after the reading of Holy Scriptures in our room, I heartily concluded that our joy is not depend on the favorable circumstances, but depend on Christ who fill our hearts. We will face a quite busy and tiring days for sure during these months, but our good relationship and brotherhood is such precious refresher of strength. And I keep praying that the Lord grant us love, patience and humility so that the enemy would not defeat our friendship. Let it be that the will of God to show love to each other being evident in us to glorify His name.

Truly every relationships and circumstances which God allows to be in our lives are aimed to sanctify us and make us humble to be filled with his love. We need to have courage to strengthen each other, to bear each other and help each other in a so very real manner in this group of four for me specially. Thank God for this opportunity to train my patience and forbearance. I reflect how needful it is to look on our own sinfulness rather than that of others. It is excellent to overlook the weaknesses of others, to pray for them. Never hold back, don’t take offense. Leave it right away.

It is for us to look at others and forget ourselves. I continually praise the Lord for this opportunity, for this time and everything which He has prepared and provides. I am so thankful for friends and lovely Dad ;)! Lord, to be nearer to Thee and following Thee is my greatest joy! Remember, O Lord in Thy kindness those you have sent, preserve them, bless them and grant them eternal life. Ameyn!

Trust and obey

This evening, after the rain stopped, I reflected a little bit in my silence feeling the fresh air and silence which is always good for the mind and heart. Still quite often, I find a rather funny thing in me: to know that something true and worthy sometimes is just the beginning to the next path of willingness to live it out and even to willing to die for this truth. Last night as I read the book of Esther, I found for the first time this line speaks very poignantly, "Go and assemble all the Jews now in Susa and fast for me. Do not eat or drink day or night for three days. For my part, I and maids will keep the same fast, after which I shall go to the king in spite of the law; and if I perish, I perish!" This was said by Esther in obedience to her uncle's instruction to face the plan of the extermination of Israelites by Haman; and therefore also an act of obedience to God.

In the journey of faith and of our discipleship in Christ our Lord, we will face many circumstances which really need and shape our obedience. And it has been always true when we read the Holy Scripture, both in Old Testament and in The Church, both as it is written in the New Testament or in the opened letters, the faithful Christians. Our holy father Abraham who followed both faithfully and obediently Lord's calling and commands to go from his father land. Holy prophet Moses also had many cases where obedience is the issue. The suffering righteous Joseph, Holy prophets Jeremiah, Hosea, Jonah, and those beloved Prophets of the Lord were the warrior in obedience to God's Holy commands to go and to call the God's people to repentance. It is noteworthy to reflect how obedience is a perfect synergy of faith, humility, courage and love. We may see it in the persons of St. John the Forerunner, Holy Apostles Paul, St. Peter, all the Apostles, Saints and Martyrs of Christ! Obedience helps us to understand the spiritual truth not only in our minds but more than that, also in our hearts and souls. And by that we live out our lives in love with all our strengths. Obedience is (I love this saying from my beloved brother and friend in Christ) when we listen attentively to Him, and we fix our eyes on Him, seeing what He is doing in us and in Holy Scriptures and we follow His steps, always say yes to Him whatever the cost.

It reminds me to what Fr. Alex told me (as far as I remember) during my stay with him last December, "Nanda (son), now as you live in the Holy Church, Be it a joy for you to know and learn the faith. Not only by reading or gathering information, more than that, to live it out faithfully. Yes, even though when you know very little, observe it in gladness and patience to please our Lord..." And for a beginner like myself, prayer rule and fasting are very good teachers of obedience! Especially fasting, it is like muscle training for our hearts to be softened, sharpened and humbled.

And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it (Mat 7:27).

In the real life in general there is not 'shortcut' for us who want to be obedient. In saying "Thy Will be done", we welcome the Lord's Love and make a home for Him in our hearts. It leads us to crucifying our old flesh and letting Him to peel off the mask, the dust which corrupt our genuineness and it is Him who make us perfect; to be changed like Him. And sure, we will find ourselves in a battle of temptations. Just follow and abide in Him, because He is a good shepherd. His rod and his staff are there to hearten us! The Evil one will try his best to drag us from this healing Love, by intimidating us and creating various discontentment for us to look at, and therefore by such things our gaze will be altered away from our Most Holy God just like what happened to our ancestor Adam. But the truth is, he is a liar! He tried to make us agree with him, and then we start feeling the fear, worry, mistrust, hunger and even bitterness toward Holy commandments. It is for us to trust Him and His love, to listen and to follow Him, to confess to Him-- shortly to abide in Him! Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!

Love is action

Even a word can make a difference; even a word can articulate love, respect and yes, maybe even hatred. Some times what is spoken, unfortunately can't be withdrawn, it's still there when the impact has been altered. What do you speak today? Anything you say wisely and soberly in respect, in love to others or in pursuing your sole intentions. How do you speak it? Is it with bitterness of mind, with carelessness which causes pain or with abundant peace and kindness? Is the joy reflected in it? But among all, is it spoken in sincerity and clean heart, with no other ultimate purpose in that but to rise up as incense for the glory of the Lord. Sweet words, it is sweet, yet it will be genuinely sweet, refreshing and strengthening just like His Word when love is present in it and it will stay to the depth of soul. Might it be a greeting, might it be a hello, a consolation, a light humor and smile-laughter, confessions, cheers or sorrows: only love gives meaning and touches hearts and lives.

Even the slightest thought could make a difference. Are we welcoming those whom the Lord sent in hospitality, care and servant-hood or are they just a bother? Are we receiving them in peace and we wash their feet --no matter who they are, and inviting them to Home; or are they a stumbling block which makes our day bad and regrettable? Today among those you live and move do you seek peace, holiness, the Kingdom and the righteousness? Are the world and its cares driving you away from the very center and the most important thing in life that is to love The Lord God with all your hearts and minds and strengths? Proverbs said, "give me, son, your heart" (Proverbs 23:26), only to the Lord God our heart should cleave completely.
Even the smallest act could make a difference. A gentle and attentive answer even to the most irrelevant man would never be worthless and gladsome to the hearts that listen to it. A little gift of smile, tears, sincere reach and presence could be a great cure for the weary hearts. Love heals. It is such a pure joy for she who sings in front of us, even though not the best song we can hear but we sincerely listen and give her an encouraging feedback. It is such a pure joy for a burdened friend to know that we care and want to help. It is such a joy for a friend who is tired from toils and we give him a tiny fresh water of friendship and companion. What a relieve it is for a stranger to know that he is not alone and that someone willing to offer him a help. What price can it replace when he who is dying from hunger and thirst but somebody comes and give him or her heart and life to be eaten? A cheerful giver is much more precious than the gifts he can give, however much it is. The joy of giving it can 'turn the water into wine' of love which is born from the act of compassion.

Love is action. Prayer is action. Even the least acts, a single word, a slight thought can be the means of love and there are plenty of the opportunities in our day! Lord, grant us attentive hearts to listen, to care and to take heed of Thy Holy Will! Lord, have mercy!

The Framework

These days and what happened in them has made me think and contemplate on a really serious matter in life. That is how we live (both consciously and unconsciously) our lives in term of relation with others. Yes, I am familiar with the sacred commandment to love others as myself. But how miserable it is when I look back and reflect on what have I done and have I been doing. Lord, have mercy! I don’t have love from my own, but am too busy with my own fears, cares and dreams.

I remember someone said that the state of one’s heart is evident in the way he thinks, speaks and acts. The Lord Himself said, “But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man”. (St. Mat 15:18). Since starting from there-the heart- is where we work out our energies and operate our stewardship. And for me, what I can see is my own fearfulness. I have such a fearful heart. Many times I find that I am very preoccupied with threats. I assume that the world around me is threatening, and my heart couldn’t be still. This is especially true in the case when I meet the new situations and people. Inaudibly, I can be so touchy and self-centered. In many situations, it’s just need to switch one “Click!” and instinctively the ‘defense mechanism’ turns on. When and where then the love and care for others so long as I am so deceived and occupied? Lord, have mercy!

In His faithfulness and mercy, the Lord reminds me through His beloved friend, that it is for us to look at others and forget ourselves (to care and love others). We trust in Him who is the Lover of Mankind. Exactly in this part is my vulnerable part. I used to do anything to protect my comfort zone or territory. It is not that easy to meld my hardened and mistrusting heart to simply trust my friends and yes even my enemies to do whatever to me as the Lord allows. At least as long as I use my old frame of “let me try to be so-so” with my own will power, then I am deceiving myself. Let’s say I were to be judged as Christ was, I would flattered many words to protect myself from any harm. This word is really speaking to me:

“... but letting others treat us badly, say bad things about us, make us do what is unpleasant or unfair, and to not try to defend oneself (that is humility)”

Lord, Only Thee, Only Thee hath the power and Love to transform and soften my heart. It’s only by Your Grace, my part is to say Yes to Thy Holy Will and follow Thee in obedience. Lord, nail me; nail me with Your Love to be as Thou wilt me to be. In every sighs and tears O Lord may Thy mercy sufficient to comfort me and let me throw myself under Thy Holy Feet! But help me O Lord in all things to take heeds to Your Holy commandments and to live it and to do it as weak as I am in Thy mercy. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me! May Thy Words becomes the Light unto my feet. My it be my framework in Life. To see Thee, O Lord, to follow Thee is the greatest joy of all. Change my heart O God! Let this cruel sinner be your faithful servant, by Thy mercy! Ameyn!

A Homily by St. Nikolai Velimirovich

About how the slothful man excuses himself

"The slothful man says: A lion is outside; in the streets I might be slain!" (Proverbs 22:13).

In order to justify his slothfulness, the slothful man emphasizes the difficulties and obstacles of a certain task and magnifies them beyond measure. If a man annoys him, he will say that the entire village annoys him; if the leaves rustle, he will justify that he is unable to go to work because of a storm; if a rabbit is in front of his house, he will say it is a lion! He says this in order not to leave the house and to delay his work.

Slothfulness is completely contrary to the nature of man. The nature of man is activity; the nature of man seeks to be occupied, to work and to build. Slothfulness is the sure sign of a distortion of the nature of man. That slothfulness is a terrible vice is clear in that an active man is never envious of the slothful man, while the slothful man is envious of the active man; in the same manner a sober man is not envious of the drunk, while the drunk is envious of the sober man.

O Lord, ever-active Creator, save us from the dull and sinful slothfulness by which we distance ourselves from our primordial nature [created] from Your image and likeness, Master of all things! Inspire us, with Your Holy Spirit, all-compassionate and joy-creating.

To You be glory and thanks always. Amen.

Quoted from: http://www.stgeorgehermitage.org/prologue.php

goes beyond words

I find recently that my casual way of communicating using my second language, Bahasa Indonesia (my mother tongue is Javanese) is somehow a little bit difficult for me. At times, my tongue was twisted and even using some broken grammar when talking with my friends :D. Like yesterday when I was going to the Food Junction to take my lunch. It's funny when I realized that I spoke sometimes irrelevantly and with a little bit chaotic grammar. I wondered, how could it be when I become a teacher one day. I hope my students will understand yet. Lord, have mercy!

As I pondered that event, there was one little thing came up to my mind. It is about the universal language. Here in Indonesia, there are many occasions in which I have to deal with people from many local ethnics. Each has their own dialects and ways of speaking. When I remember those times, it reminds me that it is not the exactness of the words or dialect which makes us really communicate. It is the 'who' and 'how' seems to be more determining. I don't deny the importance of exact words though, but in the deeper and even deepest sense, it is love which speaks clearer anytime.

Very interesting it is to notice that even two people who don't really understand each other's language are still being able to communicate. It is the act which comes out of willingness to reach, to understand and to care other persons helps the persons to touch each others and achieve the mutual understanding. It is in that one mind and heart that the persons begin to feel belong and then learn the 'what'. And it is true then what St. James admonished us, "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters!* Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger". (James 1:19)

Thus I learn that it is not only the beauty of the words-- and not only the 'what' that we think or we speak and we try to give others will be planted in our beloved minds and really matters, but how much love that we bring with the words, the smile, the nods, the reach, the touch, the sighs, the enthusiasm, the sincerity, the cares, etc which will speaks so undeniably to their being. Yet, even when they despise it all for any reason, it is precious in the eyes of The Lover of mankind.

Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!