How to do...

Experience has taught me this very poignant thing, especially on how our life works. I learn this thing these two days and I am so humbled that this lesson has been granted in the joyous feast of the nativity of Most Holy Theotokos, Mary the Mother of Lord Jesus Christ. It is trully meet to honor her and set her life as the prototype of how we should live.
She lived her life in such blessed disposition, humility and obedience.
As I wrote above, experiences taught me that there's no other way to living life so peacefully and purely but in living out of obedience, instead of living out of self-will and egoism. When I began to do whatever I want--and which is pleasing my senses, quite soon I will ram into void and the abyss of wants. Desires beget desires but obedience begets love and holiness. 

As young person she was, when the angel of Most High came to announce such important tiding, she accepted it with all her heart and her being. Trully, O blessed Theotokos Thee do we magnify!
The Lord Himself said, "He who loves me does my commandments". That is, the path of obedience. To freely give up our distracted will to be transformed into conformity of The Lord's will is our errands from time to time. The path of repentance is the eradication of selfish way of life into life which is enlightened in Him.
How is that in practice? It is to put our egocentric will utterly subdued. That automatically means to put it under authority. First and foremost under the Holy Commendments of Christ in Holy Gospel, under our spiritual father and under whom God has given authority over us.

Just as Holy Theotokos put herself under the will of God and freely gave her being in utter obedience to the Most High, so that Christ Himself might dwell within her womb, let us in everything not do anything for the satisfaction of senses but for the sake of our Love in obedience to Him. Because worldly desires always leave us wanting and miserable, but obedience to Him gives us peace and joy unspeakable.
Most Holy Theotokos, save us!

Moving forward

Sometime after somebody thought and even said things poorly of me, my initial reaction was that kind of uneasy feeling and signs of defence. I am still learning to appreciate poor opinion and not to be affected by these kinds of things. May the grace of the Lord brings me into what He desires! I am reminded of the sayings of our Holy Fathers to accept gratefully any degrading comments and even insults and not to hold back. Because these things too had to be done that way for our salvation.
When I came to my sense, I regret why was I so ungrateful for such occassion. He is so merciful and is providing me with such things to live His commandments by following Him in the way that he was also treated even worse.
It is such a remedy for pride and self-righteousness. Help me O Lord not to be saddened by those who treated us poorly but rather rejoice in You who has given us opportunity to be sanctified. Guide Your poor servant and bring the person into sense.

Footprints of love

Last time when sudden and anonymous sense of frustration visited me, deep inside my heart implored for remedy. It was quite striking that angel of peace brought me to these astounding words from blessed mother Gavrillia which goes:
"We are useful only when we do not exist for ourselves. And vice versa."(The ascetic of love, p. 346).
These simple words of the beloved child of God silently soothed me and gave me a sense of serenity. Such a miracle.
Honestly as an introvert kind of person, it is easy for me to be trapped with myself and to find myself in the circle of me and that makes me so vulnerable and got frustrated easily. These words spoke very poignantly but somehow brings me sense of joy and peace. Knowing that it is a good thing to lay aside the thought of what's mine and start to open up our self to embrace others in love is so much liberating. I got a little bit insight of what St. Paul was feeling when he said, "It is no longer I but Christ who lives in me." Such a blessed disposition.
It starts with praying genuinely for the goodness of others, as persons and then staying silent. Yes, because in the stillness of the heart we become more awake and sober, to be attentively present for others before God. Glory to Thee O God! Glory to Thee.

Dynamics of the challenge

Watch out. Challenge can be found everywhere. The same also applies with temptations. Especially as a teacher, I found that challenge is a thing which I have to keep alert anytime. Start from how to design a class which can maximize the students' learning experience, how to handle the class when they need extra, yes literally extra attention and so on. Anytime I reflect on this, I come to realize that I am in constant need of the Lord's guidance, strength and wisdom.
Facing and encountering other humans sometimes can be so smooth and easy but at other times can make our head spinning. But that is our reality and let us face it in such open hands because we never know what this beautiful life brings when we patiently endure and keep our mind to the Giver of Life instead of being continually affected by little incidents. which we could have let it go.
It is somehow easy for me to focus on measuring on how "heavy" it is and alas that is the first sign of self-pity. But wait a minute. Doesn't that affect you emotionaly. Yes, it does. Because that is part of our nature and emotion works for that. However it is what's next is what matters more. Will it lead us to anxiety or excessive frustation. There is one keyword here: modesty, that is to keep trying with hope and not loosing heart. Prayer and constant remembrance of the Lord will calm our being and keep us from harmful reactions that may appear.

Challenge will always be there. It is good for us to grow. It enriches us with new strength and moment of faith. Let us be glad and joyful with wathever the Good Lord has allowed to happen in our life. Glory to God.

Still in the midst of raging storm

I woke up with a little bit dizzy head and stuffed nose this morning. That made me alert that my voice could be lost anytime due to the sore and flu, yet I realize that still my students are there to wait the lesson and craving for the new things they need to learn. Somehow I got a sense that today will be rather a tough day.
And yes, you know sometimes these cute students could turn into unruly mob. That happened in one of the classes today. "This is the time", I said in my heart while the deeper part of me imploring help from the Lord, asking for such an urgent wisdom to decide what to do to set a really firm boundary they should not have crossed.
For a moment the class was very quiet. In the past, I found that this was the most complicated thing of being a teacher: to redirect the students when they try to cross into the zone which is just not right. How great is the feeling of serenity while I was telling them even in such firm pose the truth that they have to know and learn. Even my heart starts to thanking the Lord for such courage to bring the students back on track for the rest of the session, even so smoothly and peacefully. It is His power and mercy which guard and guide me in every minute and moment of my life. Lord, bless my beloved the students. Guide them O Lord into the knowledge and love of Your kingdom. Help them to grow such desire to please You and into all goodness that You prepare for them. Amen.

Everyone's story

How good is today and worth to be grateful for. To be able to meet good friends and to spend a little bit of our time to laugh and to be heard is such beautiful blessing. After having some encounters with handful of people today, a reminder just visited my mind, i.e. sometimes it is very helpful to listen to others' stories as mundane and ordinary as they are. I am so much lifted up to realize that actually majority of my concerns and even struggles are likely everyone's story. Such as getting quite hard time at work, trying my best to keep up with economy, meeting with people which are generous and sometimes others which loves to criticize to the max and so on. Rather intriguing for me is the fact that however smooth their life could be, everyone to some extent is sharing this common story: they are struggling even though not always, but somehow people around us are also facing some kind of difficulties.
We believe however that in the Hands of good Lord, all are by His dispensation works for good. They all help to shape us into the person that He wants us to be. He is everywhere present and He is with us. When we know that it is not about us but rather about His Love and our life in Him, we will welcome whatever comes with faith and love and freely abandon our life to Him.