to be careful

One word which I heard and struck my heart so deeply, that is to be careful. I have to admit that too often in my days, choices and decisions which I make, I make them either quickly, naive, even sometimes uncritical and can be really dangerous for me and others... in many aspects! I really need to learn and put off the immature way of thinking and put on a proper and responsible attitude of the things around me according God's commandment. This reminds me of Psalm 119:16 "How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word". and what Holy Apostle Paul wrote to St. Timothy "All Scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,"

Then I think about time. It is easy for me not to be careful with how I allocate my time for the beneficial things. Prayers, assignments, work hours are very essential for me here. Yet, I sometimes still find myself online, talking with friends unnecessarily and even being idle. Lord, have mercy! Put in my heart and mind the desire and strength to my body to be wise, diligent and bear the labor, sweat and even inconvenience to do the works You entrust me.

The other things is to be careful with my own thoughts and bias. It is an alarm to me when I learned the works of some philosophers, especially Nietzsche. That reminds me when I find something very scandalizing and disappointing about whatever it might be, I should not rely or scrutinize others' faults, rather on my own weaknesses. And not to magnify the 'sin' or weaknesses of others because that will sink us into a deeper sadness and despair, but to look and focus on Christ the Lord. Trust in Him will never fail us, because even when our own beloved ones deserted us, He will always trustworthy and faithful.

To be careful in every step, to be mindful of Your bidding and to be faithful and trustworthy, O Lord may You strengthen us!

Tottered steps

Someday ago, I smiled when my friend told me --while he was inviting me to take a walk to get some food, "I think this is one of the ways we can avoid boredom." "Yeah," I said, "That's a good idea... Let's see!"

From my childhood, I really prefer routines :D, rather than the adventurous road or novelty. However, sometimes when I think of that, I find that for someone else that can be really monotone or yes, boring :D. Yet, somehow, this is what my tendency is: to stay and do the things which has been set. Sometimes to try something new, I will have to deal with anxiety, nervousness and shame on me... I would prefer to avoid it as if it's a threat! Yeah, that's me. Lord, have mercy!

At times, I bowed down to the Lord to grant me courage and strength, as I struggle with this way of thinking and feeling. But, I really thank the Lord for He is so faithful and merciful. He is strong and mighty, and yes, I am lame and weak but knowing that He is my Lord, my heart trust in Him. He grants me such times, which for me it is not very comfortable and easy, but through those rich times, He has taught my hands for battle. In my weaknesses, sometimes I become impatient and self-pitying. I thought that as fast as it is possible, I wanted to be such and such... to appear confident, strong, admirable... in my own way. But what is that if not vanity and self-desire?

Lord, have mercy! Let me be weak, if it is according to Your will, and reveal Your Glory! You have given everything I need so sufficiently, even when I was so reluctant to ask for it. You are my strength, my shield and my light. In You I trust; You are my Joy. Only, Lord lest my passion swallow Your unworthy servant, lest my anxiety rob the joy and sweetness that you graciously pour out. Lest the laziness, fear and reluctance withdraw me from sincere love. Lest my tottered steps be a stumbling block for the brethren to come and adore You. Hide me O Lord, hide me under Your wing! Let your light alone, Your light alone shines so brightly in us!

It is good to remember this saying of my brother in Christ, "Seek Christ always first, and do what you see Him doing in your spirit, and accept everything that happens to you, good and bad, with the same cheerfulness (not resignation), the same satisfaction with God's plan for your life." A very strong reminder it is. Yes, Christ is everything! He is joy, He is life, He is light... He is the source of life.

With your blessing, O Lord, in each step and hold me fast when the storm comes
Your mercy, O Lord I beg
Let me not live for my carnal desires, my own satisfaction and pleasure
but for You, O Loving Master
shall I live,
As unworthy as I am
but grant me courage to praise You
and have Your name in my heart, in my mouth, in my mind and in my hands,
to love and care Your beloved ones, my neighbors
and fulfill Your commandments with the strength which You give!
Through the prayers of Thy Most Pure Mother and of St. Theophilus of Zakyntos and of All the Saints, have mercy on us and save us. Amen

peaceful day

Today rain fell in my city! I really love the nuance it brought afterward, very fresh and enlivening. The sun then appeared in glowing golden rays, permeating the window of the place where I sat. How nice it is!

Praise God, I had a very peaceful day today, yes albeit the assignments which are really demanding time and seriousness. I find that truly, they are something that I am to grateful for, because during the time like this faith and hope are given the opportunity to be exercised and lived. What a very beautiful gift from God, then.

One among other things which come to my mind was, again how great is our faithful God provides the day with whatever necessary for us to live before Him. It is true, especially in my weaknesses and insufficiency. And I think of my dorm-mates, my lecturers and those who are being around me. How many times, I don't have a loving heart toward them. It is easy to be self-preoccupied, defensive, and even uncaring. O, Lord have mercy! Grant me, O Lord your mercy to be ready and peaceful to lay aside my own excessive cares and thoughts and to stand before You in reverence and to encounter others with love, patience and kindness which comes from You, according to Your will.

Having done the Citizenship paper, I'd like to stay at dorm now, take a rest and prepare for Calculus exam tomorrow :D!

Christ is everything

In the midst of the days which God allows me to live, countless times God shows His mercy and guidance each single moment. Sometimes, I even don't know how it works but I realize that it works inside out. And I am grateful to find this excellent quotations of Elder Porphyrios' sayings which I found from Father Deacon Charles' blogspot.

The love of God transforms everything; it sanctifies, amends and changes the nature of everything.

When you find Christ, you are satisfied, you desire nothing else, you find peace. You become a different person. You live everywhere, wherever Christ is. You live in the stars, in infinity, in heaven with the angels, with the saints, on earth with people, with plants, with animals, with everyone and everything. when there is love for Christ, loneliness disappears. You are peaceable, joyous, full. Neither melancholy, nor illness, nor pressure, nor anxiety, nor depression nor hell.

Source: Wounded By Love, pp 99 - 100


Your love, O Lord will I proclaim
and Your Faithfulness constantly I sing
Glory to You!

Beyond me

Today, as I walked to the Food Junction, I didn't know where is it from, I felt a sweetness come into my heart. The Lord allows me to enter into silence and remember how He has loved me so, beyond what I can think and say in words. "Back to silence, innocence and simplicity... Because by then, we can stand before God in sincerity and awe." It is very good for us to be reminded of How great God is and yet is also merciful. He knows even the deepest part of ours and yet decide to constantly love us with immeasurable love! How trembling!

In this occasion, once again the Lord fill my heart with the remembrance of goodness that He has bestowed upon this His unworthy servant. Especially that in His mercy He allows me to be among His beloved ones, in His Holy Church. And in His miraculous hands He has allowed me to be here and be surrounded with the ones who love Him and loved by Him. Yes, it is true, both near and far... Including those who God has revealed to me through this blog. 'Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!' my heart acclaims when I remember His faithfulness and mercy. I always give thanks to the Lord for you, brothers and sisters in Christ in my prayers!

Your love O Lord, is so great and beyond me
beyond of what I can understand
yet, O Lord may You receive honor and praises
from this unworthy lips of mine
and that I may live in Your Love unto the ages of ages
and teach me Your love

in Your strength I trust
and I put my heart to none but You
write your statutes in my heart
for they are sweeter than honey
let the people sing and rejoice for Your majesty

Nail our flesh to the fear of You, and do not incline our hearts to words of thoughts of guile, But wound our souls with Your love, that ever looking to You, and guided by You in the light, and beholding You, the Light ineffable and ever lasting, we may offer ceaseless praise and thanksgiving to You:
To the Father who has no beginning, together with Your only-begotten Son and Your all-holy, good and life-giving Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen. (Prayer of Saint Basil the Great)

Lord, have mercy...

It is good at least to realize that our joy doesn't depend on what world say and think of us. Joy is there only because the Lord has been so faithful and true, sustaining our existence from one day to another. It is still near the Holy Pascha and also still in the shadow of the Brilliant Joy for the created beings, because Christ is risen! And glory to God for His goodness letting us see and hear our brothers and sisters in Christ around the world also celebrating this Great Day, proclaiming His greatness. Alleluia!

Now, it is yet a time for me to enter into the weeks that are uneasy. From this week on, I would be dealing with some works which are sometimes exhausting. Papers, Work requirements, projects, exams, presentations... they makes me feel somewhat anxious, really anxious. I am not a knowledgeable man, and my weaknesses is here within me. How easy it is for me to be distracted, nervous and lethargic. Lord, have mercy. What for is it for me to worry if Your help is at hand? It is something beautiful that You have entrusted me to do here, but how could I become so discouraged and overwhelmed? Lord, remember my weaknesses and grant Thy unworthy servant wisdom and strength.

It is not easy when my insecure feelings and even the fear of failure draw near. It's tough. Yet, I don't depend on my own wisdom (in fact, who said that I am wise? :D), but on His! And how comforting it is when I am reminded that I don't have to do it by myself, with my own power. No. If so, I would have fallen away in the very first step, I don't have strength. But by Him and His merciful kindness I am being here now still alive and taste His sweetness. Your mercy O Lord, Your mercy I beg with sigh and tears!

Lord, how weak my heart is! Help me Lord, to submit myself in obedience to welcome everything that are sent by You. Because You want to heal me, because You love me so... even though they are hard or even bitter, yet You are my rest, my peace and my sweetness and in You I trust. Never let your servant away from Your presence because of my foolishness. I want to receive them, Lord grant me courage. Even when I fail and fall and ashamed, never leave me. Yet, O Lord who am I that I dare to ask your help... Put me O Lord wherever You want, in Your love... yes, even in the darkness and sorrow, may I be there if Your love desires... but still, in Your love I will cling and hold unto, Lord! For the sake of Thy Most Pure Mother and of all the saints, O Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and save us! Amen!

Kristus telah Bangkit! Christ is risen!

Christ is risen from the dead

Trampling down death by death,

and upon those in the tombs bestowing life

"Χριστός ανέστη εκ νεκρών, θανάτω θάνατον πατήσας, και τοις εν τοις μνήμασι ζωήν χαρισάμενος"

Хрїстосъ воскресе изъ мертвыхъ,

Смертїю смерть поправъ,

И сѹщымъ во гробѣхъ

животъ даровавъ!

المسيح قام من بين الأموات

و وطئ الموت بالموت
و وهب الحياة
للذين في القبور

Hristos a înviat din morţi,

Cu moartea pre moarte călcând,

Şi celor din morminte

Viaţă dăruindu-le!

Kristus telah bangkit dari mati

dengan matinya Dia telah menginjak-injak maut

dan kepada mereka yang di kuburan

hidup dianugerahkan

Have a blessed Pascha, dear brothers and sisters in Christ!