wandering around

Yesterday (11 May), when I was sitting among my friends in TC, a thought come up to my mind

I remember when I heard about the story of the Israelite went out from the slavery in Egypt. God has been so love and be faithful to His beloved people, instead of their unbelieving and hardened heart. So many wonders had been revealed to them. There's no nation had been that close to God, even God reveals himself and dwelt in the midst of them.

But, I am once again struck by the response of the Israelite, which many times also become my improper aptitude toward the Loving God. He is so near and be among us, yet in my sinful nature, I am easily get distracted to other things. This is just like Adam and Eve who was distracted by the temptation from Satan and thus desires something else, a very vain thing rather than God. How faithful God has been and his grace has been so abundantly poured out to his beloved ones, but behold, there is a time when they --and we attempted to make "our own version of blessedness" by wandering around: good names, exceeding pleasures, fake satisfactions, sensual imaginations, etc which our Holy Fathers in really wise and discernment warn us to avoid. In fact, there is nothing we can do in this journey except God allows it, and without his blessing and our obedience to The Most Benevolent God, what does it mean, that must be meaningless.

Be watchful, my soul! Lest ye drawn to such imagination. Don't you remember, how in his greatness and yet in humility he says, "Don't worry....". Be mindful and wise. Who does say such amazing thing in the midst of broken and imperfect world? Christ himself! This is terrific, for God himself says that to us in his Great Knowledge of our inmost being and needs. If we are in Christ, should we be in want and seek vainglory and temporal matters for the sake of self? He thus giveth us this command, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and its righteousness and these will be added to you!"

Don't be deceived, in God alone our soul can find its rest and peace, the true joy that this world can not even offer! Why do you so worry? Trust him and behold his Mighty Hands among his servants, His saints and His angelic warriors . Trust him with all your heart, He is with us. "Ask...., Seek..., and Knock...."
Let's learn from Adam and Eve.... And learn form Israel, the beloved among nations and how their hunger which were not directed to God became great sorrows for them. Let's learn from Saul's story, Salomon's, Jude Iscariot' s and even our own--my own failures. Remember God more than your breathes!

(to be continued... paper assignment waiting... :)

Through the prayers of our Holy Fathers and All Saints, O Lord have mercy on us and save us! Most Holy Theotokos, have mercy on me Thy unprofitable servant.

How gracious!

This has been a great, long journey through which God has guided me along. Some steps are like the meadows in the daylight, warm sunny seasons and some in the darkest, long and cheerless nights. Yet, this has been too wonderful for me to understand Thy way, O my Lord!

I behold, how Thy warm hugs and tender voices filling my inmost soul and how Thy rod hast leadeth me into a very beautiful foreign land, the places and times which I have never thought I would be and I have never known in the past. How gracious Thou art O God, that Thou hast given me, Thy unprofitable servant such wonderful gifts: Thy Son, The Lord himself, Immanuel. And Thou has shown me and invited me to The Holy Orthodox Church, to be among Thy saints' Communion both in heaven and on earth. I fall down in my knees for Thy great mercy upon Thy unworthy servant, a terrible sinner!

Even more, Thou, By Thy bountiful Power hast made me known to Thy wonderful servants, the great ones. Through them Thou send forth Thy blessings and reveal Thy Love, Mercy and Protection, both for my earthly and spiritual needs.

Glory to Thee O God, Glory to Thee!
Glory to The Father and to The Son and to The Holy Spirit, both now and ever and unto the ages of ages.

just can't feel it, simply

This reflection is very great I copied from http://www.westsrbdio.org/prolog/my.html. Check it out:

A monk complained to St. Arsenius that while reading Holy Scripture he does not feel, neither the power of the words read nor gentleness in his heart. To that the great saint will reply to him: "My child, just read! I heard that the sorcerers of serpents, when they cast a spell upon the serpents, the sorcerers are uttering the words, which they themselves do not understand, but the serpents hearing the spoken words sense their power and become tamed. An so, with us, when we continually hold in our mouths the words of Holy Scripture, but even though we do not feel the power of the words, evil spirits tremble and flee for they are unable to endure the words of the Holy Spirit." My child, just read! The Holy Spirit Who, through inspired men, wrote these divine words, will hear, will understand and will hasten to your assistance; and the demons will understand will sense and will flee from you. That is: He Whom you invoke for assistance will understand, and those whom you wish to drive away from yourself will understand. And both goals will be achieved.

a beautiful fruit blossoms - love toward God.

This week I remember as the week when peple worry about swine flu which then becomes a very hot topic all around the world....

and also the flood in Brazil and .....

the arrest of Anti Corruption Committee Head of Indonesia, Antasari,

and also the the one year of official presidency of Dmitry Medvedev!

And by the way, this week has been so nice for me because I 'meet' a very great friend, Romanos (His blog, The Cost of Discipleship, click here)

And especially today, when I got a very nice and worthy tought to consider...

Ehm, actually I will not discuss about news or any politics here, just wanna share a nice thing that happen upon me, a little one during this precious time. Recently I read the book entitled Way of Ascetics by Titto Colliander (online version) that makes me reflect on how the spiritual person firstly and mainly desires to please God even this can be harmful for him or herself.

The next few hours after that, I listened to the podcast of Father Tom Soroka entitled "Enthusiasm for the Truth" one of his Sermon at St. Nicholas collection. That was really touching and yet encouraging podcast to listen, especially by Father Tom's description of the courage to take risk by Joseph of Aritmatea for asking Pilate for Jesus' body and how The Holy Myrhbearer Women showed their love toward the Lord, their fear after their visitation to the tomb and then how they are blessed by God and God said not to be affraid! That was so great!

And this morning, when I was pondering upon the passage of Genesis 15 that tells about the covenant of The Lord with Abram (later on Abraham). The first verse said "After these things the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision, saying, "Do not be afraid, Abram. I [am] your shield, your exceedingly great reward." This is very interesting for me personally. Bacause God stated Himself as "your exceedingly great reward" for Abram.

And I think this is why we are made worthy to be called the spiritual son of Abraham who inherited the God's promised covenant with him and that all nation will be blessed trough his descendant. Because I believe that the very promise we inherrited from Abraham is The Lord himself to us, that is the greatest revelation ever in the history of human kind to him and to us! Because of his obedience and the love of God, his enthusiasm toward the Truth he trust in the Lord, God accounted it to him for righteousness and the same thing with our beloved Virgin Mary...

That is so great truth to describe the wonderful love of God, to marvellous and I don't have a single sufficient word to express it!

What or Who then do we desire today, here and now and forever above all things?

He is our exceedingly great reward for us. Not because of our own version of goodness and seekings. But because of His Grace, Mercy and Love to the humble and unworthy one.Those who seeks first His Kingdom and its rightousness, will certainly be glad and joyful and see and taste it-- even not only they but also the angels and the whole universe be joyful! And behold, He has already reveals himself and His Holy Body in the fulness of Grace of God for the sake of Love for His bride! Awesome!

Glory to Thee O God!

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Waiting: boring or benefitting?

Waiting has formally become part of daily activities, for me personally. Living in the dormitory together with 800 scholarship students from every corner of this 2,4 hundred million country has been(by providence of Lord), a great experience for me and as part of it, is the 'enqueue culture'.

So, sometimes I have to wait until I get my meal in the Food Junction, to enter in the chapel and even to use the elevator and many other activities, inevitably requires me to wait. When I am staring at this little fact, I have just realized that even to wait is such good providence for us. Many times I find myself can not wait or delay my wishes. In responsing to other people, my beloved friends, I can't wait until I really listen.

As the result, instead of to be responsive and supportive, I become reactive. This happens because I used to be in hurry, in a rush. And the temptation is to be 'as quickly as possible to react, assume we understand and instantly solve the problem.' This 'instant mechanism' philosophy which has been powerfully attracting our modern world is to some extent has influenced the mind state.

Surprisingly, I found that waiting can be so profitable. In this time space we can be reflective by remembering Psalm, The Live of the Saint, or Wise words from the fathers. And in the stillness we can keep quiet and invoking his Holy Name. The providence in order to be mindful and watchfull in any occasion during the day and a very good time to pray.

Glory to God!

Restlessness

My souls keep seeking and searching.... When I look upon my self, I wonder that each new day, naturally or instinctively I always want something new and better and other thing that is sometimes I just feel the hunger of my soul wake up when my physical body rise up from my bed.

Without noticing it, or in a better word when I was not aware, it is easily for me to get driven by it. And sadly, even this can be self-seeking. Is that anything wrong with it? Isn't just natural thing that we born with? And I am convinced that the world certainly answer: Oh yes, of course this is just humanly thing! Your job is just fulfill them, maximize your potential and make your self up and be merry! Your life is yours! And none else can make you happy other than your own choice! You can, and will be what you want and simply to say: just do it! You're fee and unique! Come on, feel free and safe to fulfill and actualize your self at your best!

But is it really? I am doubt. The first one, each one of humankind as the fallen being who was once fell to sin and thus lost his glory and separated from his genuine source of his very satisfaction, God!

'never quit attitude': perseverance

As a math student, I was sometimes finding so much challenges and even the feeling of get stuck at some point. Besides, somehow it is very difficult to understand and master certain concept easily, smoothly doing homeworks or getting great grades in the exams (it sounds hedonistic, right?!). Rather, it is sometime tricking me and I don't know where to go.

(I Gotta probability class right now, hope to contunue later!)