A world without corner

The blue sky now turns into black
soft cold wind blows so ardently
I took the crumbs of my noonday breads
sat on the stone under the shadow of young tree

A night bird, faithful fellow
staring at the crumbs wanting to take some
I stretched my hands for her to reach
She nodded and landed her little feet on my palm

What do you long for, little fellow?
Moon
Moon, O man!
Do you see her?
No. I have been waiting here too
where does she go?

The tree shook up her leaves and whisper
She hides behind the thick clouds
She throws her feet and hands
fainted among the mountains and hills
She dives and sinks into oceans

Why is she making those journeys?
she should be at rest

O, little fellows
don't you know yet?
this world is spinning
it's without corner

Where then should I hide myself from the valiant storm?
I started singing
O man, if only you could fly with me or rest on my nest
there you can sing and soar

Dearest fellow, faithful fellow
since the world's without corner
I'll be still here
invisible, stay in absence
among the lilies and fragrant blossoms
until the wind blows me and I am gone

O, shade tree may I rest on your branches?
Go up here, little fellow
Then I took my staff
knock on the rock
and left

I dare not

I dare not to say, when that be

mountains go to the sea

all grown to be brown

I dare not to see

when the clouds become so red

and all cried for stars

I dare not to gaze

to the blazing light of the sun

burns everything in a glimpse

torturing the land with drought and famine

I dare not to laugh

to the roaring sea, waves on the shore

I just want to smile and smile

Bring me down

bring me down

only the best

One among my hobbies related to the internet world is to learn languages online. I have been learning Russian for several months, and when you ask me how much I have learned, well, I can say not very much :D. I prefer to know people (i.e. my online teachers), talk to them and getting to know their lives as long as they allow me to know rather than just to know the languages. Thus my progress is not very vast but I really enjoy the process of communicating and interacting with people from far away countries. Is it a waste of time? Hm, the answer can be yes and no. I believe that it can never be a waste when there is friendship, love and genuine share of lives. And it can never be a waste when it's done timely, knows when and where to say enough; being moderate. Yet, I realize that in certain sense it can't replace the personal, face to face interactions and communication.. Obviously, it can be time killing when it's done without consideration and too much. One keyword: self-control.

I am glad to learn many good things from my friends, especially those friends who stay calm, undisturbed and knows how to say enough. There are many things in this world being offered to us to satisfy, entertain and escape us from the true reality. Thus, even for my self, those offers can form certain imaginations, wants and desire for gratifications which can be a trap and make us captive.

One thing that I learn: Be careful of my wants... Why? Because I am being deceived, by my own weaknesses, fallen-ness and partiality. My judgement and wisdom is so limited. And once again I am convinced that it is the words of God which shows us the way, so pure and genuine. It shows us the true reality of our world --and how to deal with it, even further with ourselves, with others and most important with Him. It is in His great mercy that He taught us to pray, "Thy will be done..." since He is the Ever-Good God who desires life and what is good for us in His love. Yet, even His Goodness is mystery for us, we need humility and wisdom from above to recognize and understand it.

Nothing more precious and genuine than our desire to be with- and for God! The more we grow in love toward Him, the more we are being detached with worldly and fleshly desires.

In and for Your Love, O Lord we shall rest
since from there our hearts You created
Now our eyes are blur
the wind is strong
we admire the beauty of mirage

In and for Your Love, O Lord we shall rest
for You love us, you call our souls precious
But, let us be reminded..
Lest we sell our lives for money, the cheapest of all
Lest we abandon our lives to the hollow praises
Lest we soak ourselves in blood, filthy and gimmick

But resting in You,
listening to Your saving and gentle Voice
we march in lowliness
shattering our lives, our hearts to be given to all
until we find rest in You and for You!

Keep moving

Thinking and pondering sometimes can help me and may be some of us to refine our thoughts and decisions. However, at other time it can be a labyrinth for me especially when I am thinking harder than I should or being captivated with worries and anxieties which is in fact unreal and deceptive. I remember once my gentle teacher said to me, "Abandon yourself to Christ.." and now I find that he's saying such a great truth to me.

I have to admit that in many occassions, I will start using my limited logic to deal with the circumstances, trying so hard to figure it out, and then having an uneasy emotional storm. One thing which I realize it that I need to cast out my fear and anxiety to Him who knows perfectly. I need to admit it before the Lord and trust Him in everything. It is for me to ask His mercy and joy to accept all things wheter it's 'pleasant' or 'not pleasant' with the same joy and acceptance and gratitude. It will be a long process to go through, but with the Lord, how can I doubt?

What I need to do is to keep moving... one step at one time... While begging for the Lord's mercy and strength, it is for me to 'come and see' the goodness of the Lord in everything I need to do for the moment; to keep love and do what is true as He commands. There is no joy can compare to the joy of His presence, when He comes closer to us and we come closer to Him. Glory to God!

He knows perfectly

After being hiatus for some moments to do my works, it's time to be here again to share my reflections and thoughts and yes, my life- with my beloved brothers and sisters in Christ and with everybody out there who also lives under His dominion. It's been a time which is good to be grateful for. Most of the works entrusted to me has been done well with the strength from the Lord and it's been really a training for me to grow, especially in the emotional field relating with my life with those whom the Lord send to be in my life.

Most of my responsibility comes from the scholarship program that's been offered for me to study in this university. It's very great program as long as I follow this, yet I can say that it's not very easy, full of load and sometimes can be exhausting: very crowded schedules, requirements, mandatory, etc. But realizing that nothing can come to my life without the Lord allows it, I am always reminded to praise and to glorify Him who has given so much grace in everything He entrust His servant to be and to do.

I've been back to my campus and now it's time to back to my university seat :D. Honestly, it's really a field for me to be grown and to be formed by the faithful hands of the Lord. Just like a little plant in the field, exposed to the heat of the sun, the droplets and streams of water, etc; so am I shaped and faced with some challenges and opportunities. It is always in my mind to pray, "Lord, may Your goodness alone be real in every single moment of Thy servant live... Might Thou also transform me, and grant those around Thy servant peace. Sustain them with Thy love and mercy, especially when I am fallen and being the stumbling block. Lord have mercy!"

How easy it is for me to be tempted with easier life, more comfortable place and time; seeking for pleasure and entertainment in my naive mind. That's why it's not rare for me to be attacked with uneasy feeling and being down severely. It's only because of God's goodness which is beyond measure and understanding that I am survived and raised up again. This is what I have been learning so far, that it's unwise to keep demanding for external change, i.e. to be in another place, time, with other people, being in any other circumstances but forget to pray, "Change my heart, O God... Grant Thy servant peace!"

The Lord is so faithful and merciful. He is in control of everything runs under His Love, however strong the wrong, the mishaps as we feel it is. He's doing what is good, beautiful and perfect among us and with us. In trusting the Lord and in asking the Lord, "Thy will be done", it's simply more than words--, it's about living and being in Christ Himself and in His amazing love day by day....

Hiatus

Dear beloved friends, brothers and sisters in the Lord

It's very likely that I won't be able to continue my blogging until unknown period of time due to the some works. I will be missing you all, but I keep you all in my prayers. If the Lord grant me another days to live and write, I'll be glad to be here in blogosphere. But if that's not the case, please pray for me before the merciful Lord! Thanks very much for your faithfulness and patience. Now you can return to your good works and blessed silence with the Holy Scriptures!

Christ is with us!


Yudhie

Gratitude

I love the idea of making certain 'raw materials' from the nature into some useful shapes and goods. Cooking would be the first in my list. Even though I don't really know many receipts of foods, but I really enjoy of making the separated ingredients into one delicious menu. When I was a child I also loved the art of clay, especially when the heavy tropical rain made lots of mud in my house, I was so glad to making 'sculptures' of chicken, candles and etc.

When I think of this, I realize that many times what provided along our way are like various ingredients of delicious menu. What I receive now are something still under constructions. I have to admit that it's not rare for me to assume that my friends when they interact me are already ready. When I got the mentor for example, I assumed that my mentor must be like this and that, first it sounds like an expectation, but later it became a kind of preoccupations of 'what?? he should ...." or "she should..." and "they should...". But if it's ignored, the disappointments and dissatisfaction can be great challenge in the latter days for love to grow.

This reminds me to the some lines of a beautiful morning prayer I really love, "Bless my dealings with all who surround me.
Teach me to treat all that comes to me throughout the day with peace of soul, and with firm conviction that your [Lord's] will governs all".
How beautiful it is to have a gentle and opened heart, to welcome and to respect everybody. When we give up our own measurements i.e. preoccupations, judgments... toward others, we will be able to welcome them in love. We trust that love from the Lord which is in us can transform both ourselves and also those who are with us. Yes and it can be a long and slow process, but love is victorious. May the Lord grant us wisdom to receive joyfully what He provides in our way; a courage to act in love and sobriety and to keep our hearts toward Him, the source of our True Joy!

Lord, thank You for everything You sent me today and always! Let me not grumble but joyfully accept it and let me be your vessel to transform whatever comes in Your Faithfulness. For Your will is always the best and all things declare Your Glory, both now and ever and unto the ages of ages! Ameyn!