Keywords for decision

Minute after minute things happen and when they confront us in a very personal way, we then need to respond. In simplest sense, we are given choices of what kind of attitudes, actions or even thought we have about it. With what and how we respond in a critical moment, this directly relates to our disposition of the heart. And when reflecting on this, the beautiful Words from the Lord comes to my mind, "Do not be anxious...", and how many times both in Old and New Testament, the acclamation from the Lord which tells, "Do not afraid." constantly be heard from time to time. In this words, the assurance that God will be with us and a call to trust Him in every moment of life made apparent.

Thus, it leads me to ponder on what is the foundation of our decision from time to time? Is it happiness? Is it our success? Is it momentarily satisfaction and gratification? Is it the escape from the troubles or conflict? During the Holy Week and Holy Pascha, it so strongly impressed me how Christ's willingness to fulfill every little detail of The Father's will becomes the very core of Christ's work on earth. And it strikes me at the face remembering how I am easy to fall and fail miserably in imitating Loving Christ. I am in constant need of His mercy and guidance.

Now I realize, even in the simplest matter which includes, "It is spare time now. Shall I mingle with computer screen, killing the time by looking for entertainment and junks? Or I'd rather use this precious time to pray and think of people which might need help?" and "So and so is the due date. Shall I postpone it to find better mood and energy to work on it or will I try my best to sincerely start work on it right here and now?", I still need to learn.  For me personally, I am struggling with this very simple issue.

Then, I was reminded of how our Righteous Forefather Abraham responded to the Lord. He acted faithfully and with great responsibility following the Lord's directions. And of how Joseph, in no matter what circumstances-- he fears the Lord and works out his humble part faithfully. And the list goes on and on. Somehow the red thread can be seen: they accept it and work it out obediently. In short, I realize that it is neither pleasure nor anxiety nor pain nor gain which can be made into solid foundation for our decision; lest we build a house on the sand.

But when The Good Lord bless us from time to time with so much mercy and opportunity to obey His commandments, let us respond to Him faithfully, responsibly. It is just like we are given the talents, which is His grace and the life to us. We need to work it out. Thus, it is clear, anytime we make decision, we shall ask, "Is this decision comes out of my Love toward God and my longing to fulfill my responsibility or merely out of my craving for love and instant gratification by foreign ways?" Lord, have mercy on me a sinner.

Glory to God! Christ is risen!

What shall I ask...

Dearest Loving Lord
In awe have I stood before Thee
Speechless have I been
In the presence of Thy mercy and beauty

For Thy love is so strong and invicible
Even death has no power in the presence of Thy Love
What shall I ask, what shall I seek
For in Thee my heart finds rest

Thy humble servant realizes
That I have done nothing good before Thee
O Good Lord, what shall I say
Since everything is laid bare before Thy pure eyes

Thus, this is what I implore
In every second of my earthly life:

Implant in me the goodness
Since I have nothing good from my own
Implant in me the beauty
Since You are the Source of All Beauty
And let Thy beauty made known through my working hands
Implant in me Thy wisdom
That I might choose Thy commandments above anything else
Implant in me faith
So that I may be always with Thee, Master and pleasing Thee
Implant in me Thy Will....
That Thy Will be done on earth
As it is in heaven

Amen.

Journey of love

Great lent is here! It's been such amazing moments of reflection, of being refreshed and of repentance.
In this beautiful time, the passage of Christ's revelation about Last Judgement (Matt 25:31-36) stuck really strongly in my mind.
In this particular part of Holy Gospel, Christ clearly tells us how all nations, every human will be judged. Such dreadful yet true as it is, when The Lord The Most Holy and Truthful Judge will reveal all things plainly.
To my amazement, the standard which He will use to judge is love. Do we really love God and do we love our neighbor? Seems then, after all, our very existence must revolve in these two most important matters.
We know that Love comes and flows from The Lord and none else. It is our sins, impurity and disobedience which block His precious gifts to be active and bearing fruits in us. Thus, it is the act of humility and denial of the flesh which makes our heart contrite and be open to the grace of God.
Now, among important things which a Christian can do to have this disposition of heart are... prayer, fasting and almsgiving. These acts are not meant to make us 'good' or religious; rather these acts are what Christ highlighted to be done out of sincerity and love toward Lord and others very powerfully.
Let's ponder very quickly how important these three things are.
Prayer directs our being toward God: our mind, heart, body and soul. Let us lock our small room i.e. our deepest heart to be sanctified by the presence of The Lord in every single moment we have. Let us craving for Him and His presence like a deer panting for the water, and not merely for vain glory.
Fasting makes our flesh and desires bridled thus giving us much more opportunity to think and seek not something worldly, but His Kingdom and righteousness.
Almsgiving done in secret are great ways to help others, to open the abundance of God's mercy to be experienced by our brothers and sisters and not stop in us.
So prayer, fasting and almsgiving... these very powerful staffs for our pilgrimage in the journey of Love. May this not be merely religious duty, rather our yearning to learn and to love God in very real way. Because we want to serve and please Him and because we see Him with us in every moment of our life.

Glory to You, O Lord. 

approaching through faith

I came to realize one thing which I really want to share with you dear readers about this one thing: everyone has something to deal with, well to put it into more concrete term, everyone has some kind of 'problem' they have to face from time to time. And the good news is none escape! The spectrum can be varied from economics, emotional, unrealized dreams, and just mention it. That makes me reflect on how should we go through this jungle of so many potential frictions and disappointments; boredom and sorrow. We live in fallen world where happiness is something too high and eat us up when we try to catch it. So, how should I live my life as a Christian who loves Christ in the face of such demanding and critical moment?

From ages, people after God's heart is distinguished in this very manner: how they react to unpleasant moments. Our Holy Scriptures are filled with such heart breaking stories of Abraham who freely give his only son Isaac up to the Lord; or Joseph who waited and trusted the Lord in the jail for something that he did not do. Or Job who insisted that the Lord is Holy One even though he has to bear such painful diseases. Holy Apostles who were persecuted and tortured for the sake of Good News. Christ himself is our ultimate Example for this where He obeys the Father's will completely unto His death on the cross. We are surrounded by the clouds of witness of they who love God more than anything.

What all these tell us? It is clear then, the difficulties, sorrows, temptations and unpleasant moments are always there. God, out of His love for us allows these things  for the perfection of our love. He doesn't control us or gives us no choice. Rather through these moments He wants to scaffold our faith, strengthen and purify it so that it can be made crystal clear that the seeds of love which He sows in us bear fruits which can be seen through obedience toward Him.

Thus a man and woman of faith doesn't pray to avoid unpleasant moments, neither he/she prays in craving of pleasure and worldly comfort. One thing which has to be both the root and the fruit of prayer: the Love toward the Lord. We pray because we remember that God is ever loving Lord and merciful Master --and we pray so that He sustain us in His Love to obey Him no matter what, as in "Thy will be done". To conclude this reflection, let this poem speaks...

"Ye shall love Me", my Master
You thus spoke when You create me from dust
There You breathe Your own breath of Love
None else could fill us with such joy and bliss
but Your love and communion with You

Yet, how we have rebelled against You
From the dust in our feet we cry out to You, widowed from Your Love
This longing of Your Love burst out
as a dear panting for the water

But You in Your endless love reaches down from ages to us
You call us from the depth of our being
to come back to You
For You to embrace us again through Your laws and Your revelation
through Your guidance, wisdom and mercy
Til The One Whom You Love came down
and tell us "I am The Way, The Truth and The Life"

Glory be to You, O Master who loves mankind
Through this narrow way shall we follow You
with tears of joy and songs of praises shall we
day to day witness Your indescribable mercy

Who are the most beautiful ones on earth?
Those who are robed in humility and thankfulness
Who are the most graceful ones on earth?
Those who adorn their lips and soul with Holy Name of the Lord
Who are the strongest ones on earth?
Those who has "Thy Will be done" carved in their hearts

You have sowed the seed of Your kingdom, dearest Lord
Bless us, that we may be filled with joy and fear not
For You are merciful Lord both now and ever and unto the ages of ages! Amen!  

 

being faithful

After awhile, I come across this topic of being faithful. This seems to me to be the week-long reflection which eventually written down into this post. 

In my work life during the month, it could be somehow exhausting. Needless to say that the past few days has been rather tough for me both physically and mentally. Special fatigue came from long list of due dates and students affairs which seems so dynamics and 'endless'. Once I got chance to share it with my friend, I told him very casually that I feel overwhelmed. To my surprise his response was very unusual. Instead of telling me to try harder and 'don't give up', he very indistinctly said,"Just slow down, man!" That's all and I kept silent for a moment.  

Wow! I exclaimed to my self. That's it. That was actually all I needed to hear. I need to slow myself down; well not in a sense of slothfulness --but rather to lay aside all those burdens of proving great works and trusting more to the Lord! He takes care and what I need to do is to say yes to every of His will. The Lord knows that his servants also need rest and I feel almost like dancing in my heart. Yes. I need to slow down to be able to collecting myself and be totally there. 

So, how can this relate to 'faithfulness'? Hm. Well, that came to me a few days later. So, there I was trying to make it easy and slow down a little bit. The moment when I started to agonizing about what shall I do or how can I manage to do multiple tasks, etc; I give it up in prayers and whisper to myself, "Totally slow down, please." Ta-da! That's awesome. The moment I became calmer, the specific things which I could work on flew by itself. Without even realizing it, I started do the things I need to do. Praise the Lord. So, I understand now, we cannot accomplish anything simply by being panic and anxious. But by being still and know that the Lord is there, that He shines His countenance upon us! And that is where our faithfulness takes form; since "Without Me, you can do nothing." In keeping the remembrance of Him and not being distracted by stormy sea around us, then we can give our self totally to Him!

And finally, I want to share this simple but beautiful words of beloved Mother Lila, "All feelings of anxiety spring from imagination. I, too am in this world. I, too, have to pay my telephone bill and all the rest. But I am not anxious. Because I know that the Lord will provide what is necessary at the right moment - exactly what and how much is needed." (The Ascetic of Love, p. 333)

--Glory to You, O Christ! --Such a beautiful faith! Faith which led her faithful till the end.  

Enjoyment of reading

Literacy and ability to process symbols into meaning in general is one of our gifts. I am tickled to reflect how this capacity can lead us into exploration, learning and creativity. Reading a good book at a time can be really good way to reflect and 'listen to' something outside of ourselves. However, of course we need to be somehow selective of what we are going to read, because not everything is beneficial and even can be harmful to our soul.

So, in this post I really want to encourage my beloved readers and dear friends of mine to take up something to nourish our mind. Number one and foremost, of course the Holy Scripture! Since in these sacred text we are not only studying, but even we are being enlivened: just picture a dough being leavened so that we might grow and alive! For the words from Holy scriptures, very especially the books of Gospel has power to brighten our understanding and transform our mind into His likeness. What a blessing it is! It's that simple: Can you read? Then grab and open reverently your Bible and read it. Well, that's sounds rather easy. But in reality? Yes, I know. Since I also experience that heaviness, reluctance and excuses not to practice this. But only  one or two things we really need to have --specific time and consistency! And these two are in our power.

Again, we have that gift of understanding letters, combination of them to make a meaning (very amazing if you know in Original languages of Holy Scripture, yet at least in our mother tongues), so let's read! It just needs a bit of 'smart tactic' in sparing the time and being consistent in that. The Lord who sees our earnestness to approach Him and our faithfulness in struggle will grant His grace and mercy even more (as He has been). So #1 let's dedicate our reading to... Holy Scriptures!

Then, the second book which I really recommend to be recited regularly is the prayer book. All other books might require us to wander around in imagination and mental activity, but this beautiful book collects us and empowers, even sanctifies us into a real person. Since through this book we submit our ego and let ourselves to be taught and to be purified both in thought and in wisdom to dispose our hearts into the right bearings and into the truth. So, let us embrace and diligently search and recite our treasures and let our hearts be strengthened and recharged by the expressions inside. So, #2 let's sit and recite our prayer books (by this I include psalms and hymns of the church).

The rest of the books which beneficial are the writings of Holy Fathers and Mothers in the Church.They warm up our heart and seed the desires to be with God and to praise Him. And since we are also called to serve others in the world, we might find any subjects which we are on. I especially love history and geography books since they let me know how wonderful is God's secret hands among mankind from ages to ages.    

Keep balance

I smiled this morning. When I awoke with mundane heaviness to start the day, I tried to collect myself and made the sign of the precious cross. Yes, it is Sunday! The day of the Lord and thus time to remember Him in a special way, by going to His temple. Silently I sat by my bedroom and not too long before my worries and cares arose in the corner of my heart as to think about what I need to do, what I need to plan and a lot more. Suddenly it feels like a light to my mind. "Hey, why not to be more deliberate; to learn to be present where I am without being eaten up by the urgency to rush and to make my day?"

Yes, that is the very first battle of the mind: to be constantly occupied by so many cares and lose ourselves in agony about what to come, or simply being there, trusting Him who will guide us and show us what He wants us to do. To be honest, in my inexperienced mind, I'd rather try so hard to manage my day in such away to avoid undesirables. I will make five of 'list to do' for the day and ended up doing only one. I tried to figure out, solve and got quite hectic for the day and ended up being overwhelmed and worn out. This habit, in my reflection although is not totally wrong can lead to fatigue and depression. So, what point do I need to recheck?

And that's the reason I smiled this morning. I learn that everything needs to start, to be guided and to be shrouded by prayers! Nothing can be accomplished, can be thanked for and can be celebrated in truest sense-without prayer -- without our gaze toward Him who loves us all. The art of being in peace, being in the present moment, enjoying our work and tasks lies in offering up our trust and constant remembrance of  the Lord. And for me, number one enemy to make this possible is irrational worry and anxiety.

Thus, by being more deliberate, turning any slightest thought of concern into prayer and silence before the Lord results in the sweet stream of peace and joy even in the most demanding hours of our day. We realize where we are, what we are doing, and at the same time we offer incense of prayer and thanksgiving to the Lord.

So, I learn today that in any moment of temptation, difficulty and heavy labor, it is most fitting to seek refuge in the Lord and trust Him completely. Our joy doesn't depend on how much pain we avoid or how much pleasure we can enjoy but in knowing that The Lord transforms us and shapes us through every single event He allows us to experience in His grace!