Journey of Love (1) – The fuel

We are created to love. Whatever our condition might be. Since the first inhale of air into our body, maybe even before that, we are called to struggle and mingle with enigmatic and dynamic mystery which is called love. Even our very existence if it is sustained until today, the biggest reason of all is love. Greatest commandments  start with a command and blessing, “Love....”

What an inevitable reality! Clouds of witnesses surrounded us in multitude. How we measure the ‘distance’ of earth and heaven? By the presence of love within us, within our family, within our community and within our nation. Such a tireless and sometimes exhausting, crushing and so narrow and close to impossible journey! We have to come face to face with so many challenges and storms  just to hold on and stand fast in Love. Real love is that which has been tested through darkest nights, hottest dessert, hurdles and hardship. Anything that is not love shall be like chaff  and filth in front of fire.

God designs us and makes us capable of perceiving and responding to love. He gives us His blessing, and one among the greatest ones is... choice. Whether we choose to trust Him and thus responding to His love and move toward Him, or to choose anything else as we desire. This choice makes space for us to joyfully and willingly lay aside our own self to embrace His All Merciful love. Sadly, we failed from time to time.

Nothing can overcome His love, though. He calls every human being into the embrace of His love from ages to ages. That Love has never lost. Ages to ages has this one strong message to listen and to ponder:  Anytime mankind depends on their own discernment, perception and strength , they fall immediately and severely. In the other hand, when they humble themselves before God and joyfully follow their Maker, clinging to Him with all their hearts and minds and strengths, they soared like eagle, and transformed into the likeness of their Lover. Adam and Eve fell for this very reason. Great people of the past fell for this very reason.

Now around us we see too obviously that people are craving for love. The  single continuous battle between the seconds of our lifetime is to love or not to love. Despite the fact that people long for love so badly, they often find themselves in exact opposite direction of love. Out of fear, guilt and shame, people make themselves further and further away from the real love. Yet, in the end, the  quality of our life shall be measured by this:  our proximity to Love; that is our proximity and clinging upon—Christ.

Just as a person who will dispatch for journey needs supplies and all necessary stuff to reach destination, we ultimately need them as well. In the very begining of this journey, we need God’s help and His mercy above all else. No love can be manifested outside of His mercy. Yes, if you want, you might go with anything less than love, but if you want the real and pure one, God is the source of power to make it come true.

It starts with, “Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me.” Let God pours out His mercy and love that it shall overflows through your being. 

In abundance or in scarcity: Obedience

Yearning and seeking for beauty, peace and security, human souls long for those sense they are created for. But this has been proven to be very though struggle and costly. However, when people put their trust and ‘anchor’ into vain and wrong root, it will be even more painful and miserable. We are created by God and therefore only in God shall we find rest and joy.

It is tested through time and experience, that whenever we are obedient, peace dwell within us in such warmth and power. Yes, once we take that step of faith, the frictions of uncertainty and unseen reality thrust the heart with difficult time. However, there is sense that joy and peace which is beyond understanding shrouded us. Then we can simply trust and trust and trust. Until the Lord’s time comes and the faith come into sight.

 In the riches of life, people goes through different season and times. There are times of laughter and abundance. But there are times, when even we need to survive day after another. Remember, no matter what, obedience to the Lord comes first. Much easier said than done. But it’s not that hard either. Once human knows that he is but dust brought into life, there’s nothing feel so unbearable, especially for the sake of love toward Master.

Lord, looketh Thou down from the heavens and remember Your humble servant. Let me not perish in my sin and earthly toil. Rather, pour out Thy grace that I may trod the land with peace, with hard work and obedience. So that even my flesh and my heart fade away, You are my portion forever and ever. Amen. 

Love and not fame

Somehow when we are still living in this world, it is inevitable for us for to communicate in two manifestations. The first one is that internal interaction we have with our own thoughts. The second one going on between us and external reality. Both of them are not hidden from the loving eyes and ears of God. Let us more concerned with what we might think and conduct ourselves toward others than the other way around. What other might think of us can fade away in matter of minutes or even seconds. That counts not the foremost. But what attitude and presumption that we have toward others will stay long with us and affect how we relate toward that person. Be it a loving and  encouraging one, or resenting and grudging one.

“ Woe to you when all men speak well of you...” is very strong and clear exhortation for us to be very careful of vanity and falsehood. In a way, this is very good reminder for us too that we could not control how people might presume about us. They will think and speak of us as they wish. But, even worse when they speak ‘well’ of us, yet for false reason and based on falsehood. Thus, staying genuine and truthful is very important. It’s easy to fall into making impressions toward people around us because praises and sweet words are very tempting and sweet. Yet, again, the focus should not fall in the praises, credit or feedback, but it is in the staying truthful and genuine. Even if people might not be impressed or praise us for what we do. Yet still that fake sweetness cannot and will not surpass the favour from on high.

So, again, rather than chasing cunning and slippery praises, much better is to nurture our-self with prayer and simplicity. Just like muscle needs some work out to stay strong and in shape, our faith hope and love needs nourishment and ‘exercises’ to function. By that I mean, do we soberly keeping watch over our thoughts? Especially those related to our assumptions and thoughts we have about others? Fill our heart first and fore-mostly with the sweet power of Lord’s  Name,  open the heart and fill our hearts with warmth and love toward all. Mother Gavrilia is so keen of this saying, “people are sent, and we are sent to them .” and “human hearts never stop being good.” What a very loving way of approaching life. What if we lay aside the harmful thoughts and embrace all with simplicity and love. Listening them with ears of love, looking at them with compassion and thinking o f anyone under spectacle of mercy?

Love. Love. Love. We are called to love. No love, no life. It’s the narrow road, through which the old self and what it might carry are crushed in pieces. It might seem more desirable to impress and get people’s praises, yet still, it will fade away even before the sun goes down. Yet, the more wholesome, true  and lasting one is to love: to think, say, and do toward all in agreement of the will of God. Being helpful is always more important and meaningful than being impressive. So, it’s love and not fame which we must nurture.  

Magnifying the wrong object

Yesterday was the first day of school for my students and me after the school activity was being suspended because of the smoke/ haze condition in my beloved city, Palembang. The haze is still pretty thick, but it has been tolerable enough for us to have some public activity like school, etc. I am so thankful that actually I can do something useful like teaching. Now, I could appreciate more of being needed somehow and to realize that as simple and humble things that I do God can use it to bless others.

This new week has been such great weak to start brand new enthusiasm and ‘ new restart’ of this term. However, I realize that it would be much better if I can stay in spirit and earnestness of handling everything with care and giving the best for this service. Like St. Paul said, “do as to the Lord.” However, one among so many challenges that has to be defeated is postponing. You know, when the streams of due dates and files to be checked, it would be much more convenient to find excuses so that we might do it later. Like ‘laaaater’. Yet, later we will find out that the workloads doesn’t disappear by its own will rather it got so many siblings. One thing that could be very helpful in this, is doing small good things immediately and say no to postponing. When I am thinking of this, one of reasons (at least based on my personal experience) which makes us want to postpone is the habit of magnifying challenges  or ‘problems’ as if it were gigantic and beyond our reach. What I mean is, we tend to see simple task to look like we have to jump from the cliff. Making Math poster rubrics feels like making 10 articles for famous magazines. Surprisingly, I found that it is actually a virtue to look at problems as small and powerless in the face of our great God.

That thoughts comes up when I read some part in the book of Numbers when Moses sent 12 spies to see how the promised land looked like. While 10 other spies saw their projection of fear and terrifying facts, Caleb and Joshua saw totally different reality. They saw it as they are. They moved by faith and feared not. Such beautiful souls! A soul that makes God and His love first before anything else. As the result, they didn’t fall into the snare of magnifying the wrong objects.

In our responsibility, ministry, works, or relationship do we magnify those challenges and forget that our God is far bigger? When due dates and adversity come at our desk, will we ‘flee’ from it instead of doing it with all our heart? Problems, conflict and sorrows come and go in our lives. But they are just the smaller part of the whole story. God’s story goes on and that is about Ultimate true love toward all. Let His glory shines through our endurance, perseverance, faith and our surrender to Him.

Now, then... When anything comes to us, let us trust the providence of Our Lord. Be willing, take chance to accept responsibility and obedience in various forms: both those which come to us voluntarily and involuntarily. With peace of mind and joy in the heart, let us face the day with whatever it might bring with diligence and love. Do that little good things that our heart tells us tirelessly and persistently. Sure, we cannot make it happen by yourself, we need grace; constant flow of mercy from above. 

In the desert

Blessed is The Lord of all
He who guides His beloved people
Out from darkness and misery
Into the promised land
With His strong and mighty arms
With His wisdom beyond human understanding

O, Lover of mankind
Who reveals Yourself through Your beloved servants through the ages
Your amazing love and mercy
Is on what we shall cling on

Just like Moses who loved You so dearly
Thus like friend to friend did you conversed
Revealing the wishes of hearts
In defining moments and rough times
Aaron who faithfully served you till his last day on Mount Hor near Edom

For brave and trusting hearts of Hosea, later called Joshua ben Nun, and Caleb ben Jephunneh,
You are faithful Lord;
For they trusted You and see Your love in everything
They feared not, they walked by faith, which produced virtues in them.
They stood against all odd in trusting You,
Even if they were stoned.
Such a faith! Such love! Such courage!

Thus Lord,
Grant us to trust You and live by faith beyond sight.
Loving You above all else
And greeting all with love
For Yours are all things
Thus taking heed of Your commandments
And ardently keep watch,
So that even in the most seemingly hard time,
When experiences gives us two choices:
To be thankful even over having to pass through Desert of Sin or
To be frustrated over the what seems so barren,

We might choose to be thankful just because You who dwells among us...

Blessed are You O Lord, unto the ages of ages.

Goodness overflows

How merciful is our God! He doesn’t withhold his kindness from those who wait for Him. Blessed be His name among the nations. When our soul feels down and weary because of the burdens of this world, let us lay aside all those burdens and come to Him. He is the source of our rejuvenation and renewal. Remembering His goodness and mercy brings back the strength of our youth.

Don’t be discouraged. As we are still in the world, we are struggling. Yet, God’s goodness cannot fail. He is with us and transforming us into His likeness. And this transformation calls out for our authentic participation. For we are created in His image, we are given strength to freely submit and to joyfully trust our being to Him who creates us. Thus, here is faith takes part.

Remember how Israelite cried out before the Lord for their suffering was great in Egypt. God in His mercy remembered them and called Moses to lead them out of Egypt. God gave his benevolent providence along the way. Israelite, seeing the signs were greatly rejoiced. However, as we noticed from the Holy scriptures, that they actually had the mental belief on what God could do, but they got a problem: they were willing to belief, but not to suffer for the Lord’s sake. Although the truth is believing and suffering belong  together as privilege (Php 1:29). In this case, I was always touched by such beautiful heart that Abraham had in willingly obeying God despite of what might be unto him. The same thing also happened to Joseph in his responses in waiting in hope of deliverance from God.

It is great that we witness and are touched by the wonders that God makes in our lives. He is indeed good all the time. Yet, remember, it is suffering which leads us to greater wisdom, purer faith and faith made into sight. It is through that narrow path that we trod into the kingdom of Heaven, following the footstep of Christ. Well, it might or might not means being physically persecuted or anything related to us like right in our face. It might be  something simple and tangible like trusting that God will keep us and true to His words when He says, ‘do not be anxious about what you need’. It might mean to stay and choose what He desires even though we might things to go in our own way, etc.

When I reflected on these two persons among many persons in the book of Genesis , people of God whom were so dear to His heart: Abraham and Joseph, I noticed that at least these things are apparent. They trusted God, like really trusted. Not only believing, but they also were willing to suffer, to wait in dark times which human eyes could not really see, to endure hardship and to surrender their lives to the guidance of the Lord. Inspite of their suffering though, surprisingly they were generous and mindful of others. It was their trust in the goodness of the Lord which made their heart filled with goodness. Thus, from a heart which has been touched by such humility, goodness overflows.

Are we willing to trust in God’s goodness, to suffer for the sake of our faith in Him, and to love others in whatever conditions that face us? Love is... when we remember others  and the urge of goodness, namely good thoughts, intentions and willingness arises in such a way and we act upon it. 

Stillness is power

I found myself so amused today, learning about Heron of Alexandria’s inventions. He was such a genius that he designed and made so many kits and equipments in antiquity. Some of his inventions including automatic door revolver, chanting bird machine, toy by using steam power, coin-water dispenser, and the most complicated of all, automatic puppet show, all using physical principles of water, air and fire. I am so much impressed and inspired by such insight of his legacy.

One of the things that I saw and heard from the video was a glimpse on the Great Library of Alexandria, however, intrigued me. The narrator told something about one part of the building which is called ‘Museum.’ But this museum has nothing to do with selections of ancient things in the glass cases; rather it refers to a place solely devoted for the appreciation of stillness and thinking. So, here people are freed from the occupation of temporal things of daily life and goes beyond that, thinking and pondering on knowledge. I imagine Heron loved to be in that room. And I guess that is one of vital aspects of how he could manage to nurture his ingeniosity and creativity.

Most of houses today have TV set, and or other conveniences which help people to avoid silence and awkward moment of having to do nothing. People find the entertainments ready at hand and there they go, time flies. Unfortunately, this might potentially a very latent danger of people losing the precious moment of being still. I read something quite impressive on the other day that human brains love to have something to work on. That is why, surprisingly enough, there is a great resemblance of an anxious person’ and genius mind’s brain activity. Those conveniences exactly feed this kind of need to keep brain being amused. However, it would be much more awesome if people rethink about how to feed this brain need! What about sparing sometime to be still and to be ‘creative’? We could use it fore mostly to pray, to learn and to feed our brain with quality input.

It can be easily ignored. Since people don’t like to get bored somehow: and don’t be surprised how people could get bored too easily in this multimedia age. Yet, I am convinced that stillness and silence is also basic human needs. It has such curative effects especially to restore sanity, to induce clear and novel thoughts and creativity.

Christians especially; how needful we are of time spared for prayers and study. The Orthodox Church throughout the ages has taught her children to love and to respect moments of silence, of prayers and meditations. It is in the stillness of heart that we encounter such wonder of God visiting us. To develop this eagerness and love of silence, habit of sparing time at least in the morning and evening is inevitable.

Reflect upon this, as the time goes by, we will be surrounded by way much more distractions than ever; that human can ever imagine. It is within our control, however to spare and to take some time off, to ‘close the door of our room and pray.’ Don’t we realize, it is when we constantly and persistently stay within stillness of mind and heart that greatness is born. To wider extend, we also could add some more ‘museum’ time like Heron of Alexandria had, to sharpen our poetic, creative and ingeniosity nature. Never say too late. It can be started today. ;)

Glory to God for all things.  

Such precious treasures

Imagine you were given a big deal of treasures. Let’s say out of nothing, somebody gives you great amount of money and other resources. How would you manage it? Well, it sounds pretty intriguing and you would say, “O, come on, I know this is just fantasy and hypothetical.” Now let us flip the coin, what if it is real? And it is.

Wait! What do you mean? Well, of course I don’t mean you will find yourself carrying a gigantic bag full of gold as Santa carrying toys from the North Pole. But do we realize that we have those treasures within us and we carry it anywhere we go? You got it. It is your life, in a much concrete sense, your time.

Life and or time is that ultimate precious treasure that has been bestowed to us. It’s precious that without it, our journey halts. The quality of our life and the sense of fullness of it is actually being formed and determined within it. We are now inside time. So, now how have we dealt with this superb precious treasure that we have?

Some people choose to live by pursuing entertainments and enjoyments of any kind. YOLO as their banner stands for You Only Live Once has been popular tag for trying any kind of life experiences that might brings excitements and leisure’s. They have target, achieving one after another, yet silently hide that sense of emptiness and darkness which is kind embarrassing to admit. Some others feel just fine. After all, they are not alone. People are also like them: relax, and don’t get too serious about things. They might find ‘safety’ and ‘comfort’ in being like others or living life like them. But when the questions of meaning and purpose brought up by their consciousness, they shut it down. They might find distractions such as internet amusing stuff, computer games, hang outs and meetups from one after another could suffice in elaborating their time.  

Still some others have builders mind. They wish to build their empires. Some call it popularity, some riches, and some influences. They use this precious time to work so hard. Day and night they are very effective and industrious despite having to sacrifice the relationships, and many major life moments. It is usually too late for them to realize that death comes at any second and what benefit is for them to acquire so much, while they lost their souls?

I am concerned though; that what I wrote as ‘them’ is actually myself. Are you concerned as well? What actually is the point of our master giving such great talents, such precious treasure to us? Are we good stewards of it, that is, what is given us become fruitful and multiply in eternity?

O, what a precious time! Time for repentance: that is time to orient and turn back toward beauty. Have we turned our direction in time toward that pursue? Or are we pursuing winds in the air?

This thought comes across to me as I am finding myself in much spare time. Being ‘free ‘of the schedule makes me tempted to use my time unwisely. Yet, since human innate nature is order and pattern of good works, I find that we are given capacity to plan, arrange and make our ‘customized’ schedule.

Anything will pass away. Greatness, riches and influence will have their own time. So, do you know what will last and should fill each point and moment in our time? Love. Make sure that any plan, arrangements, meetups, leisure time, all are our tireless pursue and our celebration of God’s will: to love Him and to love all.

Joy of simplicity

"Blessed are the poor in heart, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
How beautiful is a heart that is simple yet content. Or vice versa, miserable is a heart that has been impregnated by lofty desires but never find contentment. A simple and content heart is like a strong plant which grows in the hill of a fertile mountain. Fresh dew flows with the stream from above glistens under gentle bright sunlight. Its leaves would not wither away; it always bear fruits in season.

That heart sounds like, ‘Let it all befall upon me as God pleases. Since this happens, it must be for the good of all, as God deigns.’ Neither sophistication nor grudges are heard from its core. It has only faith and trust. It knows that God is ever good and nothing is lacking from his goodness. How beautiful and lively is such soul! The poor in heart, who wants nothing else but God’s will to be accomplished. For this very reason, they ‘go and sell their treasures’ and follow Him with all their being.

Easier it is said than done, except those who are willing to follow the examples of the saints of God. Remember how the holy princes and princesses from the ages of old abandon their palaces to embrace the simplicity of life in following their beloved Christ. Such a wonderful heart: a heart that knows that Christ is the ultimate aim and purpose of our existence.

Live simply. Talk simply. Walk simply. Dress simply. There is no urge to be noticed or to be looked upon by anyone. We can slow down and humble ourselves. How God loves the humble.
When our heart grows simpler and poorer, we find that we are being content more frequently with our parts, our share and our roles. From being content, we thus are so grateful even over drops of water, fresh air and all things. From being so grateful and full of joy, love flows from the heart much more easily and freely. Thus no wonder, for the poor in heart, their share is the kingdom of heaven.  For them, what God wants here and now-- even though they are in a poor and in barely enough condition, is of ultimate importance. They thirst not the riches and honors from this earth, but they are hungry and thirsty of the Truth.

Whether it rains, whether it pours, in sickness, in prison, in the street, with hungry stomach, whatever... Nothing can shake them from the thirst and hunger of the Living water and Living bread of life. What a joy of simplicity. If you are given choices, choose to live and to be simple.

Even in small things

One way or another, at times I found out that life feels so mundane. Waking up, prayers, making breakfast, working (in my case, catching up with work as I am having days off now), go home, house keeping and finally taking some rest and so on. There is a temptation to think that because nothing special going on, then it is somehow a ‘not-so-important’ day.

Some people might complain how boring their days have become. No passion, just sweet and ‘regular’ repetition of things. May be you work as a teacher, or a cashier, or behind your desk with matriculation and projects, you find yourself just doing it. Yeah. Life has settled down now, and I am kind floating on it, just do what I need to do so as not to sinking. Really? Is there any meaning we can find in even so plain and so-so days? Or should we find that ‘kairos’ moment and each time moved toward perfection?

First let us think of how passionate God is when taking care of us. I mean everything He arranged for the goodness of all. Everything is in order and safety. Thank God for that. And shall we ask ourselves, how our hearts could grow cold when beauty and glory is embedded in everything. Just be there, correct. But be there with all of your heart. Tend your obedience without self-love but with ardent spirit in knowing that our holiness is being worked out in small things. It’s not all about our feelings, even though feeling is one of the parts, it is beyond our feeling. We never know that actually we entertain angels that day, when we smile and greeting people with light heart. We can become like Christ for anyone who are sent to us, again while we might not realize it.

Big or small, let us accept our obedience with the sense of God is so very interested about us. He is not called ‘The Lover of Mankind’ for no reason. He really loves us. How could we not be moved with such wonderful news? We might not ‘acrobatic’ enough to get excited all the time about things. Sometimes, we just feel OK or ‘just fine’. But remember, the workshop of our holiness moves beyond our feeling.

These little and mundane things constitute our path to holiness. Let us take the chance to grab any moment to raise our thoughts to God and to exalt Him. Even in waking up from sleep, in preparing meals, in greeting and interacting with people, in all things let us do them to glorify God. Don’t we realize, however small our part might be, we have special and unique role to make the world a better place, to be compelling invitations, to be the scent of the Kingdom of God among the people who lives around us? Think about it today. 

The sweetest thing of all

To remember You, O Lord, is the sweetest thing of all.

Because You are good and Your mercy endures forever

Let my soul repeat it with all gladness and joy

Immensely touched by Your awesome greatness

Now my heart sings praises to Your Holy Name

You have made me out of the dust

And crown me with life and power

I am designed for Your joy and pleasure

That I might find joy and pleasure in You, Lord

Behold now, I am eating swine’s crumbs

In your houses You have treated me with such love

Nothing is lacking from Your goodness

But now, I am in a strange land

Toiling with sweats in my brow

Weary and weeping in the scorching heat

But, remembering You my soul runs like a bride toward the groom

You have loved, have been loving us with greatest love

Purest of all

So, to remember You and Your loving-kindness is the sweetest of all

How even sweeter is to be remembered by You O Lord,

You have blessed even the roughest rock to bring forth fresh water...

The dead and stiff stick

To blossom the flowers; so beautiful and fragrant

And You showered the dessert with bountiful manna

Your love, Lord

Let me not forget.

And make my heart to return whole-heartedly

To You

And once again enjoy that sweetest feast

And the company of the greatest mystery

When heavens meets earth

That voice which precedes the light

So, it’s been the third day off from the school because of the smoke situation in my beloved city, Palembang. The smoke which is the side result of the forest fire cover our sky. This condition can be harmful for the people especially young kids and babies.

That was just a little bit of the update on the weather. Well, as you know it changes over time. The only reason I am writing it down now is to hope for better. Besides, when it is all over, we can remember the struggle and appreciate more of the gifts and providence from God which so often we take for granted. So far, my days are going so well because of God’s mercy.

I come across the thoughts of being exhausted and how could we handle that. We notice that there are at least (that is in my simple mind) two types of fatigue. There are those which are caused by physical toil and the other ones caused by mental load such as worries and anxieties. Honestly for me, the physical exhaustion affects my psychological state too. I can be touchy and cranky when I feel tired and down physically. However, when I compare it with mental exhaustion, it has further and more complex impact on how we conduct ourselves in relation to others.

With that in mind, let us sympathesize with Christ’s first disciples when they were first called. They had been all night fishing without result. Yet, Christ with such grace and confidence in his sounds asked them to throw their net to the right. To our surprise though (even though with perplexed mind, they could be), they listened and did it anyway. Thus the miracle happened which not only changed their minds but also changed the course of world’s history from then on. Now, let us focus on how interesting was the response of these tired people. In any condition, we are free to respond: to ignore, to refuse (or at least to rationalize) or to obey (even if we don’t understand).

For us who has been taught to think critically and with sophistication, the last option would be unfavorable. We need to ask and criticize the idea before actually trust it. Yet, there is something so fascinating of this story, especially what made them so immediately and so willingly obeyed the command of the Son of Man. Tired and exhausted people gave amazing response to God. Can we? Yes, with God everything is possible.

Being  one whole day toiling and doing our responsibility, not to say all those pebbles and discomforts we need to bear, problems and small conflicts demands us from time to time to act wisely. “Give me a break...” you might say to yourself. But, remember those tired fishermen gave such beautiful response to God. Why? Because they simply listened and did what Master told.

Isn’t it something worth to look and ponder upon? Very especially at night when our body and mental got tired, shall we speak gently to God: Lord, please Thou speaketh, let your servant listen and do it with gladness. Such simplicity of the heart fosters humility and love, which can lead to greater and more ardent desire in our longing toward the kingdom of God.

result of forest fire comes so unpredictably this week. Too often we’re glad in the morning for such bright and somewhat fresh air, yet when it starts getting noon or afternoon it becomes intensely smoky up to the night. 

This gift of befriending people

One of my pleasures when travelling to new place is to meet new friends out of total strangers. This is especially true when I visited my family in the USA. Such sweet and long lasting memories! The new setting and context provide me with sweet challenge to be outside of my shy self. Well, getting to know people is not that hard compared to how to maintain a meaningful and deep relationship beyond the surface. To stay in contact with significant others can be not very easy, even with one’s family member. It is not rare to find out and to listen to the stories of how young people feel disconnected with the family, old friends and any others. This fact alone makes me think of what kind of efforts can be done to maintain deep, encouraging and loving relationship to others?

First of all when I am pondering upon this matter is that we don’t live in static state. What I mean is, lots of change will occur in the course of time. People move from place to place and their circumstances will not stay from time to time. Needless to say, the struggle of physiological development and adjustments add to the sophistication of human relationship. Beyond all this, at least in my case, I am wishing for meaningful and lasting friendship with these new people that God puts into my life.

The next thought is that of my own limitation and weaknesses. I can feel somehow there is a curve of my enthusiasm toward the people I know. May be this is what people mean by the curse of familiarity. We try to be connected somehow but as the nature of relationship becomes too predictable, it grows weary. This is also faced with another layer of challenges of those barriers of place, time and many technical challenges present in many aspects.

Yet, thanks to Mother Gavrilia for some encouraging sayings of her that I always remember. ‘People are sent.’ ‘Human hearts never stop being good’ and ‘keep praying for God and love is its fruit (my paraphrase)’. That’s exactly it. No human ties or bounds are so important that it may exceed that of God’s. Everything will happen just naturally. Some ties will get loose, the others will get stronger. Let God use it for His purpose and glory. What always matter is that we commend each other to Christ the Lord, who knows each person’s heart. Focusing at the people that He sends here and now and ministering them with love seem to be all that is for us. So, when I am thinking of this, I infer that the state of loving and clinging to God becomes the umbrella of any relationship. People come and go away, yet let our love toward them, toward all,  remains; as God’s love remains with us. 

Keep moving

This passing month, I have been greatly helped by my mentee. This post is a special thanks for her who have been a great partner and inspiration for much better teaching career. Praise God, each year since my first year of teaching, I have been trusted the students from my alma mater to have their teaching practicum in my class. Honestly, these experiences of working together, helping and being helped, observing and discussing our teaching practice have enriched me personally. I got so many insights when observing and helping them ready with the lessons. Again, I cannot find sufficient words to express my gratitude for this program.

One among so many enriching experiences that my mentee and I have together is to share about how God works through us in the field of education. We come to believe that it is not our qualities and endeavors who made us worthy to be teachers. It is grace who make us brave enough to take up this calling  and go through such dynamics of teaching hearts and training minds. As human being, we sometimes feel that being teacher is so demanding and impossible. In front of us are such beautiful souls who have scars and burdens. Only the Lord who can touch them and heal them, We are but his servants who do his will, so that He can work out His great plan for his beloved children.

It is through simple sharing and reflections together shortly after teaching, we becomes refreshed and encouraged to move on. And the most beautiful of all is to witness how good the Lord is in providing specific grace to do what is impossible. We are walking with God in the classroom. We build and scaffold each other. In the moment when we are down, we remind each other that what we need to do is to 'listen and do whatever He tells us'.

Truly, it is so moving when the children start to show sobriety to consciously choose the right way, to deliberately decide walking according to what we have been telling them so. There are times when the students 'accidentally' quoted what we have been saying in the midst of difficult decision that they have to make.

Just this morning I heard the news that all students teacher who are doing their teaching block in Palembang are going to be evacuated to Jakarta due to the smoke disaster in this city. This is very sudden and I feel sympathy for them because they need to finish their final project for the thesis at this school but  they need to leave earlier. But  I am glad with the fact that they would find safer haven for learning and doing their educational research. I keep praying for them, for my mentee especially please keep learning and being even more sensitive toward what God desires for you, your future. Be blessing and light in the new place. Thanks, Miss Heny!

Enjoying life

People works so hard sometimes. They have hobbies and other things which make them relaxed and humane as well. Some of them are simple and seem very lay back while some others take anything personally and intensely. There are many approaches toward the sense of fullness of life. For me this is a mystery of human soul which point to the fact that we are created in God's image. Full of energy, creativity and potential, we seek beauty and meaning.

However, too often, the case is that people keeps dreaming of enjoying life. We are trying so hard to pursue that dream with the hope and wish that we could somehow enjoy it later.  Instead of staying in the presence and working out the life, the only life that we have, that is, we keep wishing and 'working for it." Meanwhile, it can be too late to realize that the time is up. What we think as 'good time' in the 'later' becomes moments of nightmare and emptiness. By saying this I do not despise process and hard-works, rather I am pondering on the state of 'wanting' rather than living which cause deep disappointments. Is there any other way to look at this? Let's reflect with me.

 Out of the honest feeling that there's some kind of imperfectness or something wrong in us, we want to get it fixed. We work hard to make it complete or satisfied. We 'want' to enjoy life so bad that we actually don't enjoy it. This doesn't stop here. In our era, internet and mass media bombards us with unrealistic image of how 'good life' should be. Perfect bodies, big houses, sporty cars, popularity --just name it, seems so tempting with their happy and cheerful images. For a few moment we forget that they are just that: ideal image, a made up one. Yet, many people go for it as if it's the only real thing they have to die for. But, is it?

So, what now? Is it wrong to enjoy good life, and to live at ease? No. Certainly not. In fact we are created for that. We are called and blessed to enjoy Life. Notice that I just wrote with capital L. What does it mean? It means that we are really called to enjoy Life. Not philosophically or imaginary. Nor is it idea or idealism of what good life looks like. We can enjoy it here and now. That Life refers to inexhaustible Source of joy and peace independent from external circumstances. Whether we are poor or rich, humble or noble, introvert or extrovert, we are called with the same enthusiasm and ardent spirit. Because that Life is neither idea or imagination but Person. And you know it.

Should we be reminded that we could never truly enjoy life (lower l, our day to day journey) apart from Life. Yes, we are surrounded by misery and sorrow. We are toiling and fighting each day with struggles and passions. But, let's ponder and ask: even in the midst of these things, do we enjoy His goodness? Or, Is for us His goodness and providence stops when we feel sad and down? No. His joy is amazing joy which the world, which those images offer us, cannot give. That's why in anything, literally in all things, St. Paul asks us to rejoice! Not because or material or worldly comfort that bathe us, rather because of His good hands who would never leave us no matter what.

Let us enjoy Life. It makes us real and beautiful. Have you ever wondered why over centuries, men and women of God leave their homes to find solitude and stillness to be with God for the sake of love toward all? They enjoy Life before all else. They have been such great witnesses over thousand years, that beauty and enjoying Life goes together. Are they immune of sorrows, sadness and struggles, then? Or are we Christians immune? Nope. But once you re-dispose yourself toward the Source of joy, you even have new beautiful perspectives on what you need to bear to be transformed, thus no joy is essentially removed.

Enjoying life is a blessing. And actually it is to be done here and now. Cling on that joy and let it guide you toward the pursue of sanctity and truth.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.

Bear it with patience

If I were asked what profound lesson did I learn today, I would answer with smile: patience. Start with the very early of the day, I had an appointment with someone who had agreed to meet at 7 am and the person turned out to come up at 8. Well, I understand it is because of inevitable reasons so I made it through.



Right in the first break, the school has suddenly announced that start from tomorrow, we need to stop teaching and learning process for awhile due to the haze and smoke from the forest fire. The day has been pretty much hectic. But God grants his kindness and grace so that we could manage it.

So, there it goes, whatever befall upon me, I just whisper to myself: "God is good and nothing is lacking in His goodness." I don't know yet what I am going to do in these vacant day in this very smoky city. But since God wants me to be here. I will stay here until the right time to move. I hope the school can start soon though, so that my students can learn again and resume their study. For now, I wish everyone safe and sound.

And now it is 1:09 a.m. now and I am locked and stuck outside of my rent house. My roommate is sleeping hard inside and didn't realize my knocking and calling from the other side of the door. I know that I will not make it to be inside, so I walked to school and wish to find some room to sleep for the night. Praise God! He is good. Now I am in my class writing this journal. I could not be happier! Finally I can sit, ponder and take a rest. His hands are very gentle and good indeed.

Somehow I understand that I can never learn patience. It is granted. All good things come from above; the Father of all light. Wait silently, wait with willing heart. Wait silently. He is good and nothing is lacking in His goodness. Meanwhile, I simply keep praying for Palembang, this beloved city, so that the smoke and all bad things come with it can be transformed into something beautiful and tell His glory.

Yes, and may God grant us strength to accept and bear with patience anything that He allows to happen in our life. Behold, I am Your servant, be it according to Thy words. Amen.