Reactive

Lord have mercy!





These few days, I learned a though thing of humility. I heard and my heart keep persisting this term into my consideration. This is a very tough character I have been learning, and I think not by walking but by rise-and-fall, even by crawling. And as St. Mary of Egypt said, as fighting with a beast. This truly it is.

And I am realized that one among the things resist the lesson of humility is the ractiveness of mine. This evidence can you see in the way of I am choosing the language and the words, message I use in this very posts I write.

Another way, I also remember of numerous times I used to be reactive in the way I lift up my voice, self-defense mechanism and even avoidance. And for this one, I really concern, that is the self-interest. Glory to God for his mercy that He reminds me of my selfishness and also my self interest and this one come from father Ted's blog.

Lord, have mercy! Grant me a meek heart and a humble tought so that your will I might understand and behold I am an unworthy servant of Thine, let it be according to Thy will! Amen

Smiles

Last Wednesday, due the Hindu New Year (Nyepi in Bahasa Indonesia) in my place, the schools and universities are closed since it is recognized as a national Holiday.
So, my dorm-master had a plan of a gathering party from morning with the sport activities, exactly at 8:00 to 11:30 am we got the dangdut (traditional music)-soccer, tie pulling, and running competition. So many shouts and cheers. It is a very good moment of togetherness. And fortunately according to the kindness granted by God through my nice dorm-master, Eric Jubiliong, our Supervisor given a responsibility to organize the event. So since few weeks back we had been busy to prepare it.
Our supervisor Angga is in charge to monitor 16 students including me, Elvys, Jeko, Herbetd, Robert, Dion, Ensa, Edberg, Wangsit, Michael, Abraham, Mario, Denny, Andi, Dalpin, Arianto and Boyke. This was a great team.
The exciting part in the night was the talent show from each supervisor and that was just fantastic. They are so funny and creative. Ah... I am sorry I can't tell the detail right now. The list of assignment and homework are ready waiting me.
See you in more accurate time!

Glory to God!

narrow way

Yesterday, I got a very complicated day. It'd been a mixture of many fragrant and stones around a lily. That was a very warm and bright tropical day actually and I give thanks to The Almighty Creator for the wonderful creation that makes me always amazed until now.

The morning starts with a sweet bow before the great icon of Jesus the Most High Priest and I stepped out from the dorm after everything was ready for today. There was no class, I went to the library and also to prepare for the roadshow although it was cancelled.

After being in the library, I was working there in the periodical in 2nd floor and I decided to go to Bank, did some clarification.

As I went back, I continued to work again in the second time to work in the periodical and then went home at 20:00 pm.

Is there something special? Yes, ofcourse, because this story is in the superficial appearance and thus this' just ordinary and universal. But what happened in mind and heart, words and many other sides was not just so and so.

I was very disturbed by the fleshly passion and worldly lusts yesteday. This is really a struggle, to enlive the faith and love in every single breath, words and step..... Lord I depend totally unto Thee. Have mercy on me O Lord and forgive my failures, obstinacy, and pride. I must not distructed by this world, neither to be conformed and friend of this world, so that my heart to be always near Thee and Thy will be done!

Lord have mercy!

Painful Steps....

It was so striking to find this terminology from Father Ted's blog. Striking not because it is strange or for the first time, instead for its profound correctness and suitability to describe how we should step in day to day life. And no doubt, the most glorious example for this is Jesus himself, out of his obedience and Love to the Father.

This is just great that Thou, O gracious Lord revealed one of my most paralyzing weakness to love and to obey Thy will. I am too afraid with the pain, I want to protect my self by my own strength and pleasures. I indeed realized that because we are created for the truly joy Thou hast for each human being in Eden. But, the problem is this world has fallen and many times the desires and the pleasures, sense of safety and comfort just come out from my own imagination of my sinful and blind thought. There is a gravity to fulfill all the flesh will and its deceitful sensation, which leads us into a very great danger and the worst of all, the separation (by our own choice) from Holy Trinity!

Jesus asked us to deny our self and bear our cross. This may means that we take the painful steps. Just like a baby wants to stand up and walk, fall, rise, fall and rise again and again until we really eventually walk. And in these all, God is always there! He is faithful and full of Love toward human being.

Lord, have mercy, grant me a repentant heart and bear my cross with humility, watchfulness, resisting the sin and prayer!

Rejoice with the simple...

Glory to Thee O God....
By Thy providence and almost always unexpected gift, Thou giveth me Thy humble and unworthy servant to serve and welcome SLH students from Lampung and Jakarta for Education Campaign which is held by my university to promote charity for the disadvantageous kids around Jakarta and Southern Part of Sumatra Island.
Today, as I listened to and talked with them, I can see the hapiness and joy radiated from their simple faces, while ilustrating their excitement of being first time come to the Capital city of this country. The same thing I also can experienced from their guiding teachers.
I would always want to know you better and do my best (although it is so simple and little things) for you as you needs, my brothers and sisters.
I hope you will be enjoy your days here forward and have a great experitences during your day and Lord, grant them Thy mercy so that trough them, Thou wilt remind us to the compassionate heart and be merciful toward others, toward the needy and all our neighbors, for as Thou hast said, "whatsoever you do for this least you do it for Me".



Lord, have mercy

To fast is....

This is a quote from the "Word from the desert" blog. And this is just wonderful:

…It is to do away with whatever pleases the palate. Fasting ends lust, roots out bad thoughts, frees one from evil dreams. Fasting makes for purity of prayer, an enlightened soul, a watchful mind, a deliverance from blindness. Fasting is the door of compunction, humble sighing, joyful contrition, an end to chatter, an occasion for silence, a custodian of obedience, a lightening of sleep, health of the body, an agent of dispassion, a remission of sins, the gate, indeed, the delight of Paradise.
St. John Climacus, The Ladder of Divine Ascent, 14

Glory to The Father and to The son and to the Holy Spirit, both now and ever and unto the ages of ages!

Here and now: A willingness and Watchfulness

Gazing into the bright blue and high sky always made me very amazed and small. The creator of this life and universe is absolutely Almighty, beyond my small humanity description. The atmosphere, stars, seas, islands, nations and all tell His Greatness, and I can't reach them all in my mind.

Stepping down into my residence, I also always amazed to see all creatures even very small ones lizard, ant, amoeba, yet even they are smallest they are so complex and sophisticated. My own body and myself is created very wondorous, and also you and all.

Now, going to small things I have been doing. Many times I have not really realized where and even what I am in the moments I am doing something. In my weakness and sinful nature, I am really easy to get distracted and being swayed by my own passion and imagination so that I am not there and I forget for Who I live and I am.

Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy!