SOulSpeech: More or less

I found something really interesting thing during this week. And this is about my soul and still related to the previous topic about emotional coding and substitute. One thing I found that is so significant is the son of 'ideal image vs real image'. Many times I desire something large, huge and enormous and based on that desire I am starting to glance at my neighbors have. This is the origin of comparative.
Yeah, so I start compare myself with my friends or other people around me. Inside, I am really keen to be bigger, smarter, more valuable than another student or whoever. The sense of specialty and uniqueness spread out in a very dangerous way. I start to defense my self and strive to be better, bigger and greater. I start fear whenever I find my self fool or bellow other persons. That including my possession, goods, skills, achievement or anything.
I am just wandering why? That is the sign of feeling unsafe. I am not secured with my own real self now. The mental or emotional code inside my mind being sent is that I need to recognized, why? Because I didn't get enough, so I am searching. Why the self is fear? Because of the doubtfulness and worry.
I begin my ideal image based on what I have and what other people said to me. And that really endanger my dignity.yes, I am not sure with my dignity. Therefore I started to defense my self from those kind of feeling by using what I believe can escape me from those lacking. SO I start to find anything to make the self felt valued and precious. The more preferable way than others in many cases are to build the self-value above others. On this point the manipulation begin to work.
So often the manipulative mode manifested in such behaviors as showing good things to other, demonstrate skills overly and many other things to build an image that I am ideal. But however that is so manipulative. I am fear about more or less, that's the core. I face the dilemma of being smaller or greater. I hate to be less and tend to be more, may be because I experienced very things that made me hurt when I was less.
It's so important to retain the mental or emotional code in my mind that being less doesn't always mean I loose my dignity or uniqueness. Never deal with 'more vs less' in such away in the context of comparative based on fear or unsecured feeling, but see it in the term of love and uniqueness.