It's the matter of Love

Silence, prayers, fastings, charities, zealous labors, conversations, weepings, hymns, praises, works and walks and talks and other things we do over time, what are these all about? For the sake of self-actualization or personal pursuits? Of course not. Brothers and sisters, let's come to this beauty beyond beauties: Love. And because everything good comes from Lord God Himself, then The Love must come from His own mercy and kindness toward us, therefore let's ask for His Mercy unceasingly to deliver us from all the blocks in our hearts, to break through our darkest and hidden veils which makes us so deaf and blind, to heal our souls. This is a great prayer we received from our fathers,"Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner."

Even when we have realized and started our beginning as He has bestowed upon us, His Mercy alone will hinder us from the snares of the enemy-who will constantly do in the opposite directions against love. Whether we are sitting, or standing or laying down or walking, we need His Mercy and keep our remembrance toward Our beloved Lord and Master. He is the source of our life and joy in Him. And Oh, how I am thirsty of Thee, O Lord, of Your Holy Mystery. For it is the strength and even the source of our true joy, hope and Thy Grace...

Silence, prayers, fastings, charities, zealous labors, conversations, weepings, hymns, praises, works and walks and talks and other things we do over time, it is the matter of Love, knowing that love has entered the world in the man Jesus Christ, and living in that love no matter where it takes us (Romanos). And we are surrounded by cloud of witnesses of this, those who are transformed into His Image and lived in that love and thus streamed that wonderful love. And how great it is that the Faithfuls commemorate them, and again it is the matter of Love: first toward God and to our beloved Panagia, and the Holy Apostles and All the saints and Fathers and mothers and brothers and sisters and all our neighbors and thus all His creation.
Asking for His mercy unceasingly, just like a lampada needs the oil to keep burning; like the branch of vine abide in the Vine Tree so does our love toward Him spring up from His Love and Mercy, for outside of Him we can not bear fruit.

Silence, prayers, fastings, charities, zealous labors, conversations, weepings, hymns, praises, works and walks and talks and other things we do over time, it is the matter of Love!

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Repost:: Life beyond blogging :P

In this edition, I just want to share a little bit snapshots of my daily life, real moments captured by some photos with my friends and myself (click on the photo to see the full size).
1. Among my friends (care group), I was standing near the window-- in the corner)

This, I think will give you a little clue for some of my postings, because sometimes I mentioned the events in this blog which are taken from the very things happens around me.

Glory be only unto God!

2. I was standing and holding the box in the middle


















3. I stood (skewed to the left)between the girl and boy in the back , so I am in the center among my beloved friends.
















4. I was in the Chinese new year celebration with my good friends (3rd from the right),










5. Together with my roommates, surfing the rain forest in Mount Salak of Bogor, West Java-Indonesia (5th from the right in the back)




6. And these are another pics (below), I took just last night. :P

7 (at the right). I and Elizabeth Werang, - a friend of me; co-worker of mine in the library, on the way to dorm (with the dorm as the background)


Glory to Thee O Faithful God, that Thou hast preserved and sustained me, Thy unworthy servant!

Please pray for us, Indonesian Orthodox Brethren

Here is the excerpt from ROCOR United:

Jakarta, Indonesia- Metropolitan Hilarion (Kapral) of Eastern America and New York, First Hierarch of the Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia (ROCOR) Archbishop of Australia and New Zealand arrived in Indonesia today and served a liturgy in Jakarta were he ordained 2 Indonesians deacons to the Priesthood. During the course of his visit to Indonesia His Eminence will ordain 4 priests and 1 deacon. In the ROCOR mission of Indonesia there are already over 2500 Indonesian Orthodox parishioners. The Dean of the Indonesian Orthodox mission Archimandrite Daniel Byantoro held a press-conference with www.pravoslavie.ru to describe the difficult situation in the rapidly expanding Orthodox mission in Indonesia.

(Photo: Father Daniel, or in Bahasa we familiarly call him, Romo Daniel)

Archimandrite Daniel Byantoro said: “If there is a Russian Orthodox Theological Institution in Moscow who can teach our parishioners and newly ordained clergymen to preach Orthodoxy in the Indonesian language we urge you to establish a branch of your seminary in Indonesia. Many Indonesians will come to learn and obtain a degree in Theology. Our people want to be educated by the Russian Orthodox Church in the Orthodox faith. We do not have the capabilities to send our clergymen overseas to be obtain a theological education in the Russian Church. Also, Indonesians who are not Orthodox are attracted by the prospect of a higher educated with a degree. Through their education in a Theological Institute they will come to the Orthodox faith.”

Discrimination of Orthodox Christians in Indonesia

To hold a church service the Fr. Daniel must gather signatures from at least 16 Moslem neighbors who are over the age of 19 years old. Fr. Daniel is constantly denied permission because citizens are against the presence of a Christian Church in their area. The same rule applies to other Christian denominations in the area. Some Orthodox and Catholic parishes in the area coordinate their activities and help each other in response of the Muslim majority. Some places are tolerant and open but some areas of Indonesia are very hard line Muslim. The Orthodox avoid those areas as it is dangerous for them to openly practice missionary activities. Fr. Daniel says that from time to time organized violence occurs against Orthodox Christians and it is hard to predict when and where. The Orthodox community in Indonesia lives in constant fear and discrimination. When Fr. Daniel opened the Orthodox mission in Indonesia there were many problems with the Indonesian police. Since he has joined the ROCOR the situation with the local administration has improved but Fr. Daniel states that “the police are not afraid of anything, they don’t care about anyone or anything”. Whenever his Eminence Metropolitan Hilarion visits his flock in Indonesia Fr. Daniel is required to report to the authorities that he is receiving a foreign guest for religious purposes. The police escort the Metropolitan from the airport and keep a close eye on him. (read more HERE )

Gifts

This year for me is not like other years before, it is a unique one! I believe that so is yours, with something very unexpected and new by His mercy He allows to happen in your days. Indeed, He is Glorious and never fails. He is God Who orders all things for our salvation, out of His Love toward us. And of course, we are not saying that we are everything, but the fact is He is everything. Will we not give thanks to Him for all things that has happened so far, both the things that we feel just 'ordinary' and something that are new, fresh and unique in our life? Glory to God for all things. Glory to Him for allowing us to meet new friends, new neighbours. Glory to Him for allowing us having new born babies and entrusted us to look after them. Glory to God for allowing some people slander us and make us upset. Glory to God for the new opportunities each day to hear the growth and even the need of the Church all over the world. Glory to Him for all things (You can add the list with your personal experiences)!

For me, what make this year definitely unique is the gifts, so many gifts that I receive from my friends both in the form of mental, spiritual and even physical helps. He sends me friends with great musical talents, He also make me known to His servants which support me and guide me to The Path. I learn a lot this year and testify that indeed He is The True Provider! "The Lord is my Shepperd, I shall not in want". And the more I am pondering on His Great deeds, I am so amazed and find something very awesome and make me welling up with tears of joy and contrition.

When I look back to the history of Israelite and see how God had been the True Provider along the journey in the desert, I find that that's very beautiful. Unfortunately, in the fallen nature and heart-hardened of them they missed the point. They thought that they are everything and it is God's duty to obey their wants. They kept grumbling about this and that, forgetting all the Mighty miracles and wonders God has shown before their very eyes. God had lead them with His Strong and Safe Hand through the arid desert, and sustained them miraculously in the midst of dangers and hardships. They had been a new nation among the wild and godless ones, just like sheep among the foxes. O, Glorious God! How Great and Mighty is He among the nations! He bestowed his precious gifts to His beloved ones.

Actually this has been so clear here, that this is the greatest thing among men: to set our eyes on Him, follow Him and to obey him wholeheartedly. That is, to desire God more than anything! Because God is even much greater than Canaan, because what is Canaan if not God blessed it to be the promised land?

This thing will bring joy and peace to our heart: to have fewer and fewer desires for earthly and material things and to have greater and greater desires for Him and everything that He loves. He is the first One, when we awake from our sleep, it must be natural thing to directly adore Him and remember His Love and to seek first His kingdom and its righteousness! Do we remember what The Saviour told us, " If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" And suddenly that reminds me to the Virgins parable. We see how the Five Wise Virgins, out of their love toward The Groom and desire Him more than anything else, they kept strengthened to be faithful waiting for the Awaited one, and not falling asleep!

Gifts (especially helps), whether they spiritual or physical are bestowed upon us according to His Mercy and Love, but let's keep reminded that we should not desire the gifts more than the Giver, yes, because indeed we are literally His own. And thus how great then our joy when He allows everything to happen around and to us, not only those which makes us laugh but also those which bring us bow in tears; for both the breads and the fresh fishes in our table or may be slanders and even the swords of the pagans! We are joyful because we desires Him and what He loves, more than our lives. (Listen to the audio podcast version of this posting here)

Glory to You O God, Glory to You! Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

reading and practicing

Christian life is so beautiful and yet practical. However sometimes many still think that The Beauty of This Faith can be understood by reading, by words alone. That's why, there are so many books written in this century even much more in our days, so-called "best seller" Christian book. Actually, I am very glad that those books can really be blessings to many people who read them, this has been so great. I am myself love to read any book (what is more in English), especially the spiritual books. However, we should not forget that when we read the spiritual books, we are to examine our hearts and to bring us to the repentance, humility and love toward holiness and every good virtues, and are not somehow adorning ourselves with certain cognition or something to be pride of, to show how academic someone is and knows lots of thing.

If so, how vain then that precious knowledge will be. I meet a very knowledgeable man in my life, he is full of wisdom and love toward God. I am always amazed that when I am sitting near him as my spiritual father, he doesn't try to show off his intellectuals. He speaks so patiently and with simplicity. This is very touching for me personally. When I said to him, "Romo (that is Father in Indonesian), how wise you are! Truly, God loves you very much and you almost know everything! He simply smiles at us. "Nanda (son-in Bahasa Indonesia), you know all what I learn and know are from Him, and the aim of all these knowledge is that you be directed to Him, to change the heart into Love toward Him and our neighbors and His creation. If I am fallen asleep, what is that for me? What I am bringing before Him is simply Love and If I don't have this (Love), these all meaningless".

Glory to God! Truly with heartfelt I give thanks to God that in his mercy He allows me to meet and to have such loving and gentle spiritual father. And yes, by that I learn that "if these things doesn't bring me to love Him, our neighbours and His creations, then these are meaningless, vain." It is very important to learn the spiritual works of our fathers and indeed how joyful we are to be handed such great treasure and wisdom. But it is also true that practice it, is also a very profound means to comprehend our faith and to live it out, The Beauty of our Faith is very awesome and that cannot be explained by words only. Life speaks stronger and clearer than words.

And above all, let's do this practice out of love and not of the desires to somehow 'build' the self, that is to be looked good or to gain 'something' for our self as if we have not received it. Rather, let's joyfully arise and make the sign of His-- and our beloved cross, invoking the Holy Trinity and ask his mercy to bless us to live whole-heartedly in him; to follow closely behind Him. Out of love means we listen to Him carefully, always seeing Him to learn from him and to live as a living sacrifice before Him and that can not be by words alone. (If you want to listen it in the audio podcast version just right click and save it here or here :)

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

on blasphemous thoughts

Elder Thaddeus said, "Life here on earth is unceasing physical and spiritual warfare." I found this is so true. Any time and anywhere we deal with so many attacks, temptations, arrows and snares of the enemy. At times, that struggle becomes very heavy for us and thus we slide down to the valley. It is the time when sorrow, sadness and even depression come unexpectedly and the result is very disturbing.

Not rare, that condition be accompanied by such annoyance and blasphemous thought. And even this happened not only to us, but also the saints who lived before us. I found this very encouraging article about life of St. Kronid of from Ora et Labora blog:

“One evening while standing in the Church of Sts Zosima and Savvaty during the Vigil,” Archimandrite Kronid related about himself, “terrible, horrible thoughts of disbelief, doubt, and blasphemy suddenly and unexpectedly appeared in my head, like lightening. This happened so quickly and suddenly that they, like lightening, burnt me with hellfire. Then such thoughts poured like a river through my consciousness. I was dumb from fear and horror. Something indescribable and inscrutable, horrible and strange took place in my soul. These thoughts did not leave me after I went from church to my cell. These sufferings were indeed nothing of this earth, but of hell. I was deprived of food and sleep. Then days, weeks, months passed; a year, two, three, four passed, but these hellish thoughts continued to flow involuntarily, continuing to haunt me. I could find not a place of relief from the anguish and sorrow; I, the sinner, in my despair, even asked the Lord for death. This mental warfare was indescribably difficult. Imagine the state of someone in battle, when two worlds are within you: one world is bright, of faith and hope in God and the burning desire for salvation; and the other, a world of darkness, instilling only destructive and blasphemous thoughts and disbelief. This unbearable warfare visited me especially when celebrating the Divine Liturgy. Standing at God’s Altar before the Holy of Holies and pronouncing the prayer for the action of the Holy Spirit to consecrate the Holy Gifts, I was at that very same moment continuing to be overcome mentally by defiled thoughts of disbelief and doubt. Therefore my tears of repentance knew no boundaries. Even Hierodeacon Jonathan, who was concelebrating with me, seeing how bitterly I wept, considered me deranged of mind. He, of course, thought this out of ignorance. He did not know what was happening in the depth of my soul. My only consolation and joy was, in my free minutes, to open the book of The Lives of the Saints to read about Niphont, the wonder-worker of Cyprus, who suffered similar thoughts for the course of four years. Destructive thoughts attacked me with special force on the twelve great Feast Days. My nerves came undone by all this, and thoughts of despair and depression pursuit me everywhere. Losing control of myself, I was forced to hide from myself knives, forks, rope, and all other sorts of objects and weapons that could be used for suicide. I lack the words to describe everything, and the tears of horror and the suffering I endured. There were moments at night when I was unable to gain control of myself and ran out of my cell, went to the cathedral, and ran around it, sobbing, unable to wait the minute when the cathedral would be opened and I could weep out my grief and unbearable hardship at the relics of St Sergius. I now remember the words of an ascetic: ‘Seek out for yourself an Elder and director not so much of holiness, but of experience in the spiritual life.’ I was able to test this advice on myself first of all. When in my great sufferings I turned to one spiritually respected person and told him of my mental grief, he listened and said: ‘What’s wrong with you? Lord be with you, how can you give way to such thoughts?’ I left misunderstood by him, neither alive nor dead from desperate sorrow. I did not sleep all night. In the morning, as soon as I had gotten onto my feet, I went, according to my responsibilities, to painting class, and on the way I came upon the leader of the painting studio, Hieromonk Micah. Seeing me upset, he cried out with astonishment: ‘Father Kronid! What’s wrong with you? You’re unrecognizable! Your face has a special air of suffering, full of sorrows, unwittingly expressing you spiritual suffering. Speak, what’s wrong with you?’ Then I told him of all my inner sorrows and thoughts. He listened with tears in his eyes, with a special feeling of compassion and Christian love, as if he himself were enduring these pains with me. He said: ‘Relax, Father Kronid. This great warfare, this unbearable enemy, happens to many people. We are not the first. Many, very many suffer from it. I myself suffered from this warfare for seven years and reached such a state that once, going to the Dormition Cathedral for Vespers, I could not even stay there due to thoughts of disbelief and blasphemy. Running out of church, I went to the cell of my spiritual father, Hieromonk Avraamy, all the while shaking and unable to speak. The Elder asked me a few times: ‘What’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with you? Tell me.’ After many tears all I could say was: ‘Batiushka, I’m perishing!’ Then the Elder told me: ‘You are not delighting in these thoughts and are not pleased by them, are you? Why are you so intolerably alarmed? Relax! The Lord sees your spiritual martyrdom, and He will help you in all things.’ Then he read the prayer of absolution over me, blessed me, and sent me away with peace, and from that day, with God’s help, they have completely disappeared. They do sometimes appear occasionally, but I pay them no mind, and they disappear, and I calm down quickly.’ Father Micah’s words were like precious balm poured upon my soul, and from that time I have received a significant lessening of this mental warfare.”

I think, I am so unworthy to explain it to us. This has been so clear! As an addition, St. Kronid suffered from this for 4 years. So did St. Niphont (December 23), who also found the tranquility and delivered from this tranquility afterward:

The Lord allowed a special affliction to come upon Niphon, so that tried like gold in a furnace, he might be proved worthy of divine grace. The man of God was delivered into the power of Satan, and for four years was out of his mind. Once, while keeping an all-night vigil in his room, the saint heard a sudden, frightful noise, moving from right to left. He was terrified and wondered what it might be. Immediately the devil appeared, raging and roaring and filling the blessed one with such trepidation that his thoughts bebecame utterly confused. Coming to himself a little, Niphon tried to pray and make the sign of the Cross. Seeing this, the devil screeched, "Leave off your entreaties to God, and I will put an end to my attacks!"

Niphon answered, "I will never obey you, unclean spirit. If God has given you permission to destroy me, so be it; I submit gratefully. If not, then know that you will soon be vanguished."

"You are deceived, Niphon," lauged the devil. "There is no God; have you ever seen Him?"

The wicked spirit continued raving like this for some time, but the saint repeated, "You speak like a fool, devil, for the fool hath said in his heart, there is no God." Nonetheless, although he wished to pray, Niphon could not. He could say the words, but could not concentrate on them. As a result, he became downcast and his understanding confused; he was deprived of reason and endured great anguish. Whenever he came to hismelf a little, the demon would appear and whisper, "There is no God!" To this the saint could only reply: "I may fall into fornication, I may commit murder, I am capable of any sin; but I will never renounce my Christ!"

"What are you saying? There is no Christ," the devil would snarl. "I control everything and rule over all. Who told you that there is a God or a Christ?"

"You will not decieve me, ruler of darkness! Depart, enemy of righteousness!" Niphon would shout.

The devil, however, would not go away, but continued to assail him, clouding his intellect and trying to force him to renounce God. During that period, Niphon persisted in his attempts to pray. Thus once, while he was making supplication, his mind filled with doubt as to whether God exists, he looked up and stretched out his hands to the icon of the Saviour, and sighing from the depths of his heart, cried, "O God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me? Grant me firm conviction that Thou art God and that there is none other than Thee, lest I submit to the counsel of the enemy."

With this, the face of Christ on the icon began to shine like the sun, and Niphon could smell a wondrous frangrance. Casting himself to the floor in astonishment, he exclaimed, "Forgive me, O Master, for having doubted Thee! Thou art my God, and henceforth I will believe without question that Thou alone art Lord and Creator of all things." A moment later, while still lying on the floor, he looked again at the icon and witnessed another miracle: the image of the Master moved its eyes and brows as though it were alive. Niphon cried, "Blessed is my God, and blessed is His glorious name, now and unto the ages! Amen." From that day on, the grace of God rested upon Niphon, since he had completed the four years of trial.

The saint's face was ever brigth and joyful, perplexing those who knew him before. "What does this mean?" they would ask. "For years he was gloomy, but now he is always happy." The reason he was constantly cheerful was that he no longer feared the demons; instead, he mocked them, saying, "Where are those say who there is no God?"

Through the prayers of Saints Niphon and Kronid, O Lord have mercy on us and strengthen us!

Silence

Lord, have mercy!