It's the matter of Love

Silence, prayers, fastings, charities, zealous labors, conversations, weepings, hymns, praises, works and walks and talks and other things we do over time, what are these all about? For the sake of self-actualization or personal pursuits? Of course not. Brothers and sisters, let's come to this beauty beyond beauties: Love. And because everything good comes from Lord God Himself, then The Love must come from His own mercy and kindness toward us, therefore let's ask for His Mercy unceasingly to deliver us from all the blocks in our hearts, to break through our darkest and hidden veils which makes us so deaf and blind, to heal our souls. This is a great prayer we received from our fathers,"Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner."

Even when we have realized and started our beginning as He has bestowed upon us, His Mercy alone will hinder us from the snares of the enemy-who will constantly do in the opposite directions against love. Whether we are sitting, or standing or laying down or walking, we need His Mercy and keep our remembrance toward Our beloved Lord and Master. He is the source of our life and joy in Him. And Oh, how I am thirsty of Thee, O Lord, of Your Holy Mystery. For it is the strength and even the source of our true joy, hope and Thy Grace...

Silence, prayers, fastings, charities, zealous labors, conversations, weepings, hymns, praises, works and walks and talks and other things we do over time, it is the matter of Love, knowing that love has entered the world in the man Jesus Christ, and living in that love no matter where it takes us (Romanos). And we are surrounded by cloud of witnesses of this, those who are transformed into His Image and lived in that love and thus streamed that wonderful love. And how great it is that the Faithfuls commemorate them, and again it is the matter of Love: first toward God and to our beloved Panagia, and the Holy Apostles and All the saints and Fathers and mothers and brothers and sisters and all our neighbors and thus all His creation.
Asking for His mercy unceasingly, just like a lampada needs the oil to keep burning; like the branch of vine abide in the Vine Tree so does our love toward Him spring up from His Love and Mercy, for outside of Him we can not bear fruit.

Silence, prayers, fastings, charities, zealous labors, conversations, weepings, hymns, praises, works and walks and talks and other things we do over time, it is the matter of Love!

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Repost:: Life beyond blogging :P

In this edition, I just want to share a little bit snapshots of my daily life, real moments captured by some photos with my friends and myself (click on the photo to see the full size).
1. Among my friends (care group), I was standing near the window-- in the corner)

This, I think will give you a little clue for some of my postings, because sometimes I mentioned the events in this blog which are taken from the very things happens around me.

Glory be only unto God!

2. I was standing and holding the box in the middle


















3. I stood (skewed to the left)between the girl and boy in the back , so I am in the center among my beloved friends.
















4. I was in the Chinese new year celebration with my good friends (3rd from the right),










5. Together with my roommates, surfing the rain forest in Mount Salak of Bogor, West Java-Indonesia (5th from the right in the back)




6. And these are another pics (below), I took just last night. :P

7 (at the right). I and Elizabeth Werang, - a friend of me; co-worker of mine in the library, on the way to dorm (with the dorm as the background)


Glory to Thee O Faithful God, that Thou hast preserved and sustained me, Thy unworthy servant!

Please pray for us, Indonesian Orthodox Brethren

Here is the excerpt from ROCOR United:

Jakarta, Indonesia- Metropolitan Hilarion (Kapral) of Eastern America and New York, First Hierarch of the Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia (ROCOR) Archbishop of Australia and New Zealand arrived in Indonesia today and served a liturgy in Jakarta were he ordained 2 Indonesians deacons to the Priesthood. During the course of his visit to Indonesia His Eminence will ordain 4 priests and 1 deacon. In the ROCOR mission of Indonesia there are already over 2500 Indonesian Orthodox parishioners. The Dean of the Indonesian Orthodox mission Archimandrite Daniel Byantoro held a press-conference with www.pravoslavie.ru to describe the difficult situation in the rapidly expanding Orthodox mission in Indonesia.

(Photo: Father Daniel, or in Bahasa we familiarly call him, Romo Daniel)

Archimandrite Daniel Byantoro said: “If there is a Russian Orthodox Theological Institution in Moscow who can teach our parishioners and newly ordained clergymen to preach Orthodoxy in the Indonesian language we urge you to establish a branch of your seminary in Indonesia. Many Indonesians will come to learn and obtain a degree in Theology. Our people want to be educated by the Russian Orthodox Church in the Orthodox faith. We do not have the capabilities to send our clergymen overseas to be obtain a theological education in the Russian Church. Also, Indonesians who are not Orthodox are attracted by the prospect of a higher educated with a degree. Through their education in a Theological Institute they will come to the Orthodox faith.”

Discrimination of Orthodox Christians in Indonesia

To hold a church service the Fr. Daniel must gather signatures from at least 16 Moslem neighbors who are over the age of 19 years old. Fr. Daniel is constantly denied permission because citizens are against the presence of a Christian Church in their area. The same rule applies to other Christian denominations in the area. Some Orthodox and Catholic parishes in the area coordinate their activities and help each other in response of the Muslim majority. Some places are tolerant and open but some areas of Indonesia are very hard line Muslim. The Orthodox avoid those areas as it is dangerous for them to openly practice missionary activities. Fr. Daniel says that from time to time organized violence occurs against Orthodox Christians and it is hard to predict when and where. The Orthodox community in Indonesia lives in constant fear and discrimination. When Fr. Daniel opened the Orthodox mission in Indonesia there were many problems with the Indonesian police. Since he has joined the ROCOR the situation with the local administration has improved but Fr. Daniel states that “the police are not afraid of anything, they don’t care about anyone or anything”. Whenever his Eminence Metropolitan Hilarion visits his flock in Indonesia Fr. Daniel is required to report to the authorities that he is receiving a foreign guest for religious purposes. The police escort the Metropolitan from the airport and keep a close eye on him. (read more HERE )

Gifts

This year for me is not like other years before, it is a unique one! I believe that so is yours, with something very unexpected and new by His mercy He allows to happen in your days. Indeed, He is Glorious and never fails. He is God Who orders all things for our salvation, out of His Love toward us. And of course, we are not saying that we are everything, but the fact is He is everything. Will we not give thanks to Him for all things that has happened so far, both the things that we feel just 'ordinary' and something that are new, fresh and unique in our life? Glory to God for all things. Glory to Him for allowing us to meet new friends, new neighbours. Glory to Him for allowing us having new born babies and entrusted us to look after them. Glory to God for allowing some people slander us and make us upset. Glory to God for the new opportunities each day to hear the growth and even the need of the Church all over the world. Glory to Him for all things (You can add the list with your personal experiences)!

For me, what make this year definitely unique is the gifts, so many gifts that I receive from my friends both in the form of mental, spiritual and even physical helps. He sends me friends with great musical talents, He also make me known to His servants which support me and guide me to The Path. I learn a lot this year and testify that indeed He is The True Provider! "The Lord is my Shepperd, I shall not in want". And the more I am pondering on His Great deeds, I am so amazed and find something very awesome and make me welling up with tears of joy and contrition.

When I look back to the history of Israelite and see how God had been the True Provider along the journey in the desert, I find that that's very beautiful. Unfortunately, in the fallen nature and heart-hardened of them they missed the point. They thought that they are everything and it is God's duty to obey their wants. They kept grumbling about this and that, forgetting all the Mighty miracles and wonders God has shown before their very eyes. God had lead them with His Strong and Safe Hand through the arid desert, and sustained them miraculously in the midst of dangers and hardships. They had been a new nation among the wild and godless ones, just like sheep among the foxes. O, Glorious God! How Great and Mighty is He among the nations! He bestowed his precious gifts to His beloved ones.

Actually this has been so clear here, that this is the greatest thing among men: to set our eyes on Him, follow Him and to obey him wholeheartedly. That is, to desire God more than anything! Because God is even much greater than Canaan, because what is Canaan if not God blessed it to be the promised land?

This thing will bring joy and peace to our heart: to have fewer and fewer desires for earthly and material things and to have greater and greater desires for Him and everything that He loves. He is the first One, when we awake from our sleep, it must be natural thing to directly adore Him and remember His Love and to seek first His kingdom and its righteousness! Do we remember what The Saviour told us, " If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" And suddenly that reminds me to the Virgins parable. We see how the Five Wise Virgins, out of their love toward The Groom and desire Him more than anything else, they kept strengthened to be faithful waiting for the Awaited one, and not falling asleep!

Gifts (especially helps), whether they spiritual or physical are bestowed upon us according to His Mercy and Love, but let's keep reminded that we should not desire the gifts more than the Giver, yes, because indeed we are literally His own. And thus how great then our joy when He allows everything to happen around and to us, not only those which makes us laugh but also those which bring us bow in tears; for both the breads and the fresh fishes in our table or may be slanders and even the swords of the pagans! We are joyful because we desires Him and what He loves, more than our lives. (Listen to the audio podcast version of this posting here)

Glory to You O God, Glory to You! Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

reading and practicing

Christian life is so beautiful and yet practical. However sometimes many still think that The Beauty of This Faith can be understood by reading, by words alone. That's why, there are so many books written in this century even much more in our days, so-called "best seller" Christian book. Actually, I am very glad that those books can really be blessings to many people who read them, this has been so great. I am myself love to read any book (what is more in English), especially the spiritual books. However, we should not forget that when we read the spiritual books, we are to examine our hearts and to bring us to the repentance, humility and love toward holiness and every good virtues, and are not somehow adorning ourselves with certain cognition or something to be pride of, to show how academic someone is and knows lots of thing.

If so, how vain then that precious knowledge will be. I meet a very knowledgeable man in my life, he is full of wisdom and love toward God. I am always amazed that when I am sitting near him as my spiritual father, he doesn't try to show off his intellectuals. He speaks so patiently and with simplicity. This is very touching for me personally. When I said to him, "Romo (that is Father in Indonesian), how wise you are! Truly, God loves you very much and you almost know everything! He simply smiles at us. "Nanda (son-in Bahasa Indonesia), you know all what I learn and know are from Him, and the aim of all these knowledge is that you be directed to Him, to change the heart into Love toward Him and our neighbors and His creation. If I am fallen asleep, what is that for me? What I am bringing before Him is simply Love and If I don't have this (Love), these all meaningless".

Glory to God! Truly with heartfelt I give thanks to God that in his mercy He allows me to meet and to have such loving and gentle spiritual father. And yes, by that I learn that "if these things doesn't bring me to love Him, our neighbours and His creations, then these are meaningless, vain." It is very important to learn the spiritual works of our fathers and indeed how joyful we are to be handed such great treasure and wisdom. But it is also true that practice it, is also a very profound means to comprehend our faith and to live it out, The Beauty of our Faith is very awesome and that cannot be explained by words only. Life speaks stronger and clearer than words.

And above all, let's do this practice out of love and not of the desires to somehow 'build' the self, that is to be looked good or to gain 'something' for our self as if we have not received it. Rather, let's joyfully arise and make the sign of His-- and our beloved cross, invoking the Holy Trinity and ask his mercy to bless us to live whole-heartedly in him; to follow closely behind Him. Out of love means we listen to Him carefully, always seeing Him to learn from him and to live as a living sacrifice before Him and that can not be by words alone. (If you want to listen it in the audio podcast version just right click and save it here or here :)

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

on blasphemous thoughts

Elder Thaddeus said, "Life here on earth is unceasing physical and spiritual warfare." I found this is so true. Any time and anywhere we deal with so many attacks, temptations, arrows and snares of the enemy. At times, that struggle becomes very heavy for us and thus we slide down to the valley. It is the time when sorrow, sadness and even depression come unexpectedly and the result is very disturbing.

Not rare, that condition be accompanied by such annoyance and blasphemous thought. And even this happened not only to us, but also the saints who lived before us. I found this very encouraging article about life of St. Kronid of from Ora et Labora blog:

“One evening while standing in the Church of Sts Zosima and Savvaty during the Vigil,” Archimandrite Kronid related about himself, “terrible, horrible thoughts of disbelief, doubt, and blasphemy suddenly and unexpectedly appeared in my head, like lightening. This happened so quickly and suddenly that they, like lightening, burnt me with hellfire. Then such thoughts poured like a river through my consciousness. I was dumb from fear and horror. Something indescribable and inscrutable, horrible and strange took place in my soul. These thoughts did not leave me after I went from church to my cell. These sufferings were indeed nothing of this earth, but of hell. I was deprived of food and sleep. Then days, weeks, months passed; a year, two, three, four passed, but these hellish thoughts continued to flow involuntarily, continuing to haunt me. I could find not a place of relief from the anguish and sorrow; I, the sinner, in my despair, even asked the Lord for death. This mental warfare was indescribably difficult. Imagine the state of someone in battle, when two worlds are within you: one world is bright, of faith and hope in God and the burning desire for salvation; and the other, a world of darkness, instilling only destructive and blasphemous thoughts and disbelief. This unbearable warfare visited me especially when celebrating the Divine Liturgy. Standing at God’s Altar before the Holy of Holies and pronouncing the prayer for the action of the Holy Spirit to consecrate the Holy Gifts, I was at that very same moment continuing to be overcome mentally by defiled thoughts of disbelief and doubt. Therefore my tears of repentance knew no boundaries. Even Hierodeacon Jonathan, who was concelebrating with me, seeing how bitterly I wept, considered me deranged of mind. He, of course, thought this out of ignorance. He did not know what was happening in the depth of my soul. My only consolation and joy was, in my free minutes, to open the book of The Lives of the Saints to read about Niphont, the wonder-worker of Cyprus, who suffered similar thoughts for the course of four years. Destructive thoughts attacked me with special force on the twelve great Feast Days. My nerves came undone by all this, and thoughts of despair and depression pursuit me everywhere. Losing control of myself, I was forced to hide from myself knives, forks, rope, and all other sorts of objects and weapons that could be used for suicide. I lack the words to describe everything, and the tears of horror and the suffering I endured. There were moments at night when I was unable to gain control of myself and ran out of my cell, went to the cathedral, and ran around it, sobbing, unable to wait the minute when the cathedral would be opened and I could weep out my grief and unbearable hardship at the relics of St Sergius. I now remember the words of an ascetic: ‘Seek out for yourself an Elder and director not so much of holiness, but of experience in the spiritual life.’ I was able to test this advice on myself first of all. When in my great sufferings I turned to one spiritually respected person and told him of my mental grief, he listened and said: ‘What’s wrong with you? Lord be with you, how can you give way to such thoughts?’ I left misunderstood by him, neither alive nor dead from desperate sorrow. I did not sleep all night. In the morning, as soon as I had gotten onto my feet, I went, according to my responsibilities, to painting class, and on the way I came upon the leader of the painting studio, Hieromonk Micah. Seeing me upset, he cried out with astonishment: ‘Father Kronid! What’s wrong with you? You’re unrecognizable! Your face has a special air of suffering, full of sorrows, unwittingly expressing you spiritual suffering. Speak, what’s wrong with you?’ Then I told him of all my inner sorrows and thoughts. He listened with tears in his eyes, with a special feeling of compassion and Christian love, as if he himself were enduring these pains with me. He said: ‘Relax, Father Kronid. This great warfare, this unbearable enemy, happens to many people. We are not the first. Many, very many suffer from it. I myself suffered from this warfare for seven years and reached such a state that once, going to the Dormition Cathedral for Vespers, I could not even stay there due to thoughts of disbelief and blasphemy. Running out of church, I went to the cell of my spiritual father, Hieromonk Avraamy, all the while shaking and unable to speak. The Elder asked me a few times: ‘What’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with you? Tell me.’ After many tears all I could say was: ‘Batiushka, I’m perishing!’ Then the Elder told me: ‘You are not delighting in these thoughts and are not pleased by them, are you? Why are you so intolerably alarmed? Relax! The Lord sees your spiritual martyrdom, and He will help you in all things.’ Then he read the prayer of absolution over me, blessed me, and sent me away with peace, and from that day, with God’s help, they have completely disappeared. They do sometimes appear occasionally, but I pay them no mind, and they disappear, and I calm down quickly.’ Father Micah’s words were like precious balm poured upon my soul, and from that time I have received a significant lessening of this mental warfare.”

I think, I am so unworthy to explain it to us. This has been so clear! As an addition, St. Kronid suffered from this for 4 years. So did St. Niphont (December 23), who also found the tranquility and delivered from this tranquility afterward:

The Lord allowed a special affliction to come upon Niphon, so that tried like gold in a furnace, he might be proved worthy of divine grace. The man of God was delivered into the power of Satan, and for four years was out of his mind. Once, while keeping an all-night vigil in his room, the saint heard a sudden, frightful noise, moving from right to left. He was terrified and wondered what it might be. Immediately the devil appeared, raging and roaring and filling the blessed one with such trepidation that his thoughts bebecame utterly confused. Coming to himself a little, Niphon tried to pray and make the sign of the Cross. Seeing this, the devil screeched, "Leave off your entreaties to God, and I will put an end to my attacks!"

Niphon answered, "I will never obey you, unclean spirit. If God has given you permission to destroy me, so be it; I submit gratefully. If not, then know that you will soon be vanguished."

"You are deceived, Niphon," lauged the devil. "There is no God; have you ever seen Him?"

The wicked spirit continued raving like this for some time, but the saint repeated, "You speak like a fool, devil, for the fool hath said in his heart, there is no God." Nonetheless, although he wished to pray, Niphon could not. He could say the words, but could not concentrate on them. As a result, he became downcast and his understanding confused; he was deprived of reason and endured great anguish. Whenever he came to hismelf a little, the demon would appear and whisper, "There is no God!" To this the saint could only reply: "I may fall into fornication, I may commit murder, I am capable of any sin; but I will never renounce my Christ!"

"What are you saying? There is no Christ," the devil would snarl. "I control everything and rule over all. Who told you that there is a God or a Christ?"

"You will not decieve me, ruler of darkness! Depart, enemy of righteousness!" Niphon would shout.

The devil, however, would not go away, but continued to assail him, clouding his intellect and trying to force him to renounce God. During that period, Niphon persisted in his attempts to pray. Thus once, while he was making supplication, his mind filled with doubt as to whether God exists, he looked up and stretched out his hands to the icon of the Saviour, and sighing from the depths of his heart, cried, "O God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me? Grant me firm conviction that Thou art God and that there is none other than Thee, lest I submit to the counsel of the enemy."

With this, the face of Christ on the icon began to shine like the sun, and Niphon could smell a wondrous frangrance. Casting himself to the floor in astonishment, he exclaimed, "Forgive me, O Master, for having doubted Thee! Thou art my God, and henceforth I will believe without question that Thou alone art Lord and Creator of all things." A moment later, while still lying on the floor, he looked again at the icon and witnessed another miracle: the image of the Master moved its eyes and brows as though it were alive. Niphon cried, "Blessed is my God, and blessed is His glorious name, now and unto the ages! Amen." From that day on, the grace of God rested upon Niphon, since he had completed the four years of trial.

The saint's face was ever brigth and joyful, perplexing those who knew him before. "What does this mean?" they would ask. "For years he was gloomy, but now he is always happy." The reason he was constantly cheerful was that he no longer feared the demons; instead, he mocked them, saying, "Where are those say who there is no God?"

Through the prayers of Saints Niphon and Kronid, O Lord have mercy on us and strengthen us!

Silence

Lord, have mercy!

in all circumstaces

Glory to God for all things-- a very simple magnificent words and easy to speak, yet do we remember this very often? I hope we do! This simple words have reminded me to the Epistle of Holy Apostle Paul to the Thessalonians:
in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
(I Tess 5:18)

Holy Apostle said, In everything, in another word, in all things. In all, and not in the cheerful gathering alone. In all, and not only in certain seasons. In all, in all circumstances. In the warm, lovely meadow and in the cold dusty valley. In sorrow and misfortune and joyful and opportunistic days. That is, in all occasions, give thanks to the Lord -- and it does also mean right here and now-- give thanks to Him!

Why? Let's learn this beautiful art of unceasing thanks giving from the ones whose stories described in the Holy Scriptures, they are star witnesses of unshakable Joy that God bestows upon them. They are: The Righteous Job, Joseph ben Jacob and The Lord Jesus Christ Himself.

We see how God really loves Job's heart, and He- in His love intends to purify it even more that He granted Devil to cause him sorrow. At first, all he possessed lost immediately, his beloved sons and daughters as well. He suffered so much lost, and in our nowadays sense, he lost almost everything-so to speak. Yet, in this with inner joy he spoke, "Lord gives, Lord takes away. Glory be unto The Lord!" Even when his body was touched by the devil and was afflicted by such serious diseases and great pain, to the point he was likely to death, he said, "Naked I was born, and I will depart wear nothing!" answering her wife wained to curse his beloved God and to die.

This testimony clearly shows that it is not a loss nor a a fool thing to give thanks to our Great Benefactor in everything even in the misfortune moments! Not at all! Yes, even when we in our weak state have not yet understood what's happening or where the circumstances will lead to. And yet, truly this is a great opportunity from God for us to train our heart to depend and rely more upon His True Wisdom than our weak and corruptible understanding.

So, this is wise to give thanks to the Lord from sincere heart every time! Truly, this is the best nutrition for humility and meekness in our hearts. This is also like a blossoms of flowers contain sweet honey which attract the bees, which is other virtues to dwell in our hearts. The Lord loves the humble and meek. O, Holy Righteous Job, Glory To God for your example in this.

Joseph. He was a naive youth, very easily trust anything and almost without complains. He was so gentle and being loved so greatly by his father and yet being hated so deeply by his brothers. In his naive-ness, he had to live in a very new and may be harsh scene of life, to be a slave. But even The Faithful Lord works in him through his simplicity and thus Joseph just did what he received whole-heartedly. He gave thanks to Him whom He trusted since his dreamy childhood.

He kept also the 'easy to trust' heart, just like a sheep in the midst of foxes, because since he was so pure but there were many snares before him, Potiphar's wife and till the prison. Yet, at that time he really trusted the Vision which he received from His Loving God, faithfully 'did what he received', even when they seemed to be not a fun things to do. This he ascended as a profound thanks-giving to the Lord!

His story resounds in my heart as "Lord, whatever happens, I trust you." He said, "You mean it for bad, but God means it for Good!" He knew that the Will of God is more than just good, but it is Perfect! His life was also the image of The Greatest among the Greats, The Suffering Christ Who is also The Enthroned Christ.

And then, the most unshakable Truth and Life shows us and even strengthening us to be like Him in trusting and glorifying The Father in all things. He was so obedient and Love the Fether and His Creation-- and us to the point willing to die on The Cross. What a tremendous example; and truly this is not only an example-- but The Source of our every thanks-giving and praise unto God. For every good things come from Him. See him and follow closely behind him-- abide in Him together with his beloved ones and then you'll soon be filled with thanks-giving and praise to The Most Holy Trinity!

Glory to The Father and to The Son and to The Holy Spirit! Both now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen!

.. seeing Him doing

Today God touched my heart so deeply. I was overwhelmed and exhausted these days with a little bit many activities and I guess I became slightly tired. And thus forgive me if you can sense the emotionality of my previous posting. Oh...as a youth, how emotional I am, forgive me.

Once again (and I love to hear the word "again and again"-- very strengthening and glad to feel how faithful it is) I am reminded to this saying, “All you have to do is follow closely behind Him, and you will begin to change into His image, as you do what you see Him doing.” And in this occasion, I would like to contemplate in the part of "you see Him doing"

How wonderful it is when our eyes always set on him and closely follow behind him!

and by...

always seeing Him, we see the assurance of our faith and the radiant hope glows so brightly

always seeing Him, we are transformed to be like Himself

always seeing Him, we are realizing the vanity of earthly wealth and glory

always seeing Him, we are convinced that there is no power nor anything can separate Him from us

always seeing Him, we come to know that no other Beauty and Power can compare to His

always seeing Him, we then be enabled to chant in the midst of the cloudy stormy morning: Bright Day

always seeing Him, we have the courage to cross the river in the darkest night

always seeing Him, we are cheerful sheep among the foxes 'cause we trust and know Who is guarding us

always seeing Him, we come healed, saved and alive, because He is Risen

always seeing Him, we encounter Most High God and our beloved neighbor since He is perfect man and Perfect God

always seeing Him, we joyfully follow Him through the narrow way and bearing our lovely crosses and go up to the Golgotha
-Yudhie

So, I praise the Lord that in His mercy He said to me through his beloved one,

All you have to do is follow closely behind Him, and you will begin to change into His image, as you do what you see Him doing. It is the easiest thing in the world to do.
and...

Let's see what the Lord wants to do next. Just always say YES when He asks.! :)

Glory to You, O God, Glory to You!

like wild beast!

Oh... How unworthy I am, O Most Wonderful God, have mercy on me. I can't say anything about myself but a sinner before Thy Glorious Throne. Lord, have mercy on me.

In the morning, as a dorm resident, upon awakening I meet and greet my friends surround my bunk-bed. After washing my face and feet, there I stay still to recite prayers and the psalms, I am still realizing right now that how poor and unworthy I am in prayer.
And sometimes I had to be involved in the dyadic conversation with my peers. Actually shame on me, I know just little thing and certain topic. I do speak just so-so and nothing interesting nor excellent in my mouth, but Jesus Christ my Lord Who give me even the least thing so that I am able to speak.

Beside, it is very clear how apprehensive I am. I fight with my fear and anxiety -- which actually are just attempted imaginations by devil--just like fighting with a wild beast. And at times I got angry with myself. How poor I am. Lord, have mercy on me. How could it is that I have this big self-pity. I am so weak, help me O Lord, I cry aloud unto Thee!
Grant the amandments of my heart to begin look after my neighbors and not for my own sake; to put them first, other than mysel, O Holy One.

Then by His Love, He allows, a soft gentle word of His man comes to me,

"We can not be saved without struggling against the devil. We must endure many sorrows in our heart before the soul can free itself"

"Life here on earth is unceasing physical and spiritual warfare"

-- Elder Thaddeus of Serbia

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Wherever, in silence or in a crowd (part II)

In the so-called modern lifestyle today, what is more in the developing countries or any other 'busy' country, many times we have to do the works for a long time alone in silence with our minds getting bussy. Therefore, even at the usual occassion, if we don't keep vigilant there will be flighty minds that result not a good but rather evil one. In this, we need to watch out our mind, for this is the part whis is easiest to get tempted, why? because it acts by itself, it acts quickly and effortlessly, and is active at any time or situation. Therefore, it is much easier to sin in the mind than through actions of our body, as told by St. Basil The Great, described in this blog.
Thus it is very good for us to ask the mercy of God to protect our minds against the snare. And what I remember from what St. Anthony of Egypt, humility is an answer for this. And once again in this case I can see the benefit and the helpfulness of Jesus prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ, The Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner." A short, yet deep and profound prayer, a treasure from Holy Fathers for us which very applicable for us, wherever!

And as the part of our willingness to guard our minds, this is a beautiful prayer of St. Ephraim the Syrian which may be has been familiar for some of us:

O Lord and Master of my life, take from me the spirit of sloth, despondency, lust for power and idle talk.
But grant unto me, Thy servant, a spirit of chastity/integrity, humility, patience and love.
Yea, O Lord and King, grant me to see mine own faults and not to judge my brothers and sisters. For blessed art Thou unto the ages. Amen. (from orthodoxwiki)

And for me personally, this beautiful prayer help me to be reminded and also protect me from flighty minds anywhere, especially in the work-table.

Therefore be attentive to yourself, neither remaining in mortal things as if they were eternal, nor despising eternal things as if they were passing. Look down on the flesh, for it is passing away; take care of the soul, for it is something immortal… (Saint Basil, from this blog)

There is only one God of my heart, my Lord and my God, and He is everything to me, as He is also everything to the whole world, visible and invisible, which was created by Him from nothing. Therefore, I ought not to cling to anything but to my God; I ought to part from everything that I have without regret, as from the dust which we trample under feet, and ought only to have in my heart love for God, and my brethren who are received in Christ into union with the Divine nature. "Ye might be partakers of the Divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust" (Peter i, 4). "Now are we the sons of God." (I Cor. x. 17). Whilst malice is the child of the Devil, may it never, neither pride, nor self-exaltation, and envy, touch our heart, even for a single moment! St. John of Kronstadt
"My Life in Christ" (from this blog)

Glory to Thee O God, Glory to Thee!

Wherever, in silence or in a crowd (part I)

(Special for the picture, I took from Romanos' blog and I am very thankful to him for this)

This morning, when I was sitting among my beloved friends, once more I am reminded of the identity as a Christian. This also has a little connection with the saying of Father Ephraim of Syria, which I quoted in my last post.

".....Whether you are in church, or in your house, or in the country; whether you are guarding sheep, or constructing buildings, or present at drinking parties, do not stop praying... " In other words, if we admit ourselves as Christians, every where and every moment, don't stop to be a Christian.

And fortunately, this also reminds me to a posting (click here) that really touched me, about being witness in any circumstances and again, everywhere. This is great!

In my own daily life, there is a time when I stay with myself, in silence and dim. This is the time when I am in a personal room, when no other people see me physically. Just imagine that somebody has to be in an elevator lonely or a small room and get it locked when he's inside. Where is The Lord that time? Actually, the question shouldn't be like this because we know that He is everywhere present and filling all things. So this reminds me to the Questions, Adam, where are you?. This question is very deep, that is "Do you realize where are you now?" When we think that nobody sees us, then who are we? Will we be the same with when everybody put their eyes on us? Are we still Christian? And in the personal sense as a reflection, "Do I allow Him to come into my 'secret' places, which is the place that not so many people see me physically, that is the place when I am in a personal room even in my own heart and mind, when I think we can do almost anything I want?".

Now, let's reflect back to Adam, Jonah, or those who know The Lord God but try to "Ah... this time let The Lord go away from my personal zone, I hope that He is not here and doesn't see me", that is the wants to flee or to be 'free' from His Notice. Like I remember written in the Psalm in the same tone: to escape from His Eternal vision... But can we, even try to? This can be related to the Parable, the second Child when he wants to leave His Father's house with the very thing in mind.

But don't we remember that Lord is so much caring, loving and even giving us the very genuine freedom, which are far beyond we can imagine in his Limitlessness? Then what can we hide from him? Our own selves? There is nothing. God is in the midst of us, He is ever present God.

Then, even in the most personal place of ours, would we give our very reverence, honor, love, obedience, and devotion like we do in the Public places or even Church? Therefore this is beautiful to reflect from what we notice from a Monachos, a person willing to meet God, face by face; don't try to hide anything, even the very weaknesses before Him. That is a profound message for us which gives us a poignant voice, are you ready right now facing the Glorious and Most Holy God, with Whom once Moses being face to face; to stand before Him and talk to Him? Therefore we need to have the voice of the Publican, "Lord, have mercy on me a sinner" we plea to be granted tears of repentance, with the deepest longing to meet and to be with Him like a deer in the arid desert longing for the water. For the Lord loves those who are humble and the contrite heart He does not despise. We are to be Holy, for The Father is Holy. Can't we encounter God without holiness.

The Lord knows every thing of us, even our own hairs. He knows well our hearts and He cares about it. Do we remember Pothini, a Samaritan Woman who was talking to Him at the well and was enlightened by her personal encounter with Him there? He so loves us and in His Mighty and Strong Power He protect us, He deliver us and He renew us in any moment, everywhere and here and now. But He will never gallop the doors of our hearts, He knocks....

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Daily

I am very glad that The Lord God leads me in His amazing Way through the unique ways that I have never thought before. The greatest way for me, I think is that He entrusted me to the the Ancient, Beautiful and Childlike Faith, to the The Orthodox Church. Yes, if I count the number of years, it was since 2000 years or so ago, it is very ancient, yet it is authentic and so rich. But how wonderful it is, I am amazed, that Faithful God preserves and sustains His Beloved Body unconquerable until now, and I am drawn into it by His Mercy.

Furthermore, The Lord makes me a new convert each day! I've just realized about it this morning when I conversed with my great friend. And surprisingly, I found that's true! Every day God gives the strength; He grants me the teachings, refreshing his servant, offering his Love and Mercy; gives us choice to decide whether to accept and follow Him or deny Him. He also provides us each day with so rich blessings. This is very beautiful that He has made me a convert each day and provides me (and us) so richly all the means for the heart, mind and life amendments in His Grace; to repent and to be like Him.

And this is not merely behavioral renovations or to be nice, sweet and lovable person superficially. It's not wholly about the behavioral modifications, but something beyond that, the change of the heart and thus the transformation of life in His Grace; from a sinner to be a saint. Our spiritual life in Christ is dynamic, live and participatory life. This is very real and practical. A Christian must not be feeling content by only hearing the teachings and wandering around for the refreshment and even fulfillment of self-desires. If so, what is then, his/her difference with the sleeping Virgins while waiting for the Groom. We are to awake, vigilant, joyful and ardor while we are waiting Our beloved Groom Who is coming. We work out our salvation with fear and trembling.

And this is my joy when I learn something very practical; ways of life taught by our Holy Fathers and Mothers and Brothers and Sisters passed through from generation to generation, which is compiled nicely here. Indeed, our Faith is not merely philosophical matter.

But, let's be reminded that these are not checklists to make us somehow feel 'good' or 'worthy'. Instead, we are joyful because we know know by living this, we live out our faith, a precious exercise and wise instructions; a treasure from our Loving Fathers and Mothers! Not because we want to be seemed good or to show off our glory before Him, not at all. Contrary, that's because we are amazed and moved by His Love. We admire His Goodness, Faithfulness and Mercy! This is because we surrender our will to Him willingly, trusting in His Holy and Perfect Will. We are overjoyed to behold His Glory. This has always been moved by Joy with capital J which the world can not even offer.

This is like Wise Virgins who wait for the Groom joyfully and stay awake, constantly hold their precious oil with them, letting no one take it from them! Their eyes kept radiant and glowing for Ultimate Hope and Faith for The Groom!

Yet this is not done by our own 'love' or efforts (but this doesn't mean also just to sleep (like the Fool Virgins) and do nothing) nor we try hard to perform it --as if we can do anything outside of Him, without His Mercy and Patience --but in His Love and Mercy which He shows through The Holy Church His own Bride, so that we might live a holy life in His Grace according to His Holy Will. For blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God! How Joyful that is!! Therefore, Glory to God for He has made me (and us!!) a new convert each day!

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Great it is the Love!

This morning, as I spared my time to read spiritual work, God allowed me to read the life of St. Elizabeth the New Martyr. This is really shaking me because indeed, how great is the mystery of the Christians' love to the Lord. This is so strong beyond measure. Christ Himself in his Humility, has sown such great and immense love and by his death and resurrection He has drawn many people to Himself. How great and merciful Thou art O God, that Thou hast maketh me Thine own together with Thy beloved ones. Glory to Thee O God, Glory to Thee.

I am reminded again by her saying cited the saying of divine Theologian, " "If you do not love the brother whom you see, how will you be able to love God whom you do not see?"'
Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner. Thou, by Thy Mercy and Providence hast taken me to be among so many brothers and sisters around me, I see them O Lord, but have I really loved them as what Thou commended and even more, with the love Thou Thyself bestows upon me, Thy unworthy servant?

Lord, I praise Thee that Thou hast shown me the great courage, humility and pure love of Thy holy servant St. Elizabeth the New Martyr, have mercy on us O Lord, have mercy on us! Grant me (us) Thy Grace and mercy so that Thou might dwell in me (us) and cleanse me from every stain that we might Glorify Thy Holy Name.

Troparion, Tone 2
In that meekness, humility, and love, which made their abode in thy soul, thou didst diligently minister to the suffering, O holy Passion-bearer Princess Elisabeth; and with faith didst endure suffering and death for Christ with the Martyr Barbara. With her do thou pray for all that honour thee with love!



Through the prayer of Thy Holy Mother and of our Holy Fathers and all the Saints; Saint Elizabeth the New Martyr, O Lord have mercy on us and save us.





Lord Jesus, The Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

On Prayer, a beautiful saying of St. Ephrem of Syria

This saying I quote from Orthodox way of life blog, one of great blog that by the mercy of God, I may find in the blogsphere.

".....Whether you are in church, or in your house, or in the country; whether you are guarding sheep, or constructing buildings, or present at drinking parties, do not stop praying. When you are able, bend your knees, when you cannot, make intercession in your mind, ‘at evening and at morning and at midday’. If prayer precedes your work and if, when you rise from your bed, your first movements are accompanied by prayer, sin can find no entrance to attack your soul.

Prayer is a guard of prudence, control of wrath, restraint of pride, cleansing of malice, destruction of envy, righting of impiety. Prayer is strength of bodies, prosperity of a household, good order of a city, might of a kingdom, trophy of war, assurance of peace. Prayer is a seal of virginity, fidelity in marriage, weapon of travelers, guardian of sleepers, courage of the wakeful, abundance for farmers, safety of those who sail. Prayer is an advocate for those being judged, remission for the bound, consolation for the grieving, gladness for the joyful, comfort for mourners, a feast on birthdays, a crown for the married, a shroud for the dying. Prayer is converse with God, equal honour with the Angels, progress in good things, averting of evils, righting of sinners. Prayer made the whale a house for Jonas, brought Ezechias back to life from the gates of death, turned the flame to wind of moisture for the Youths in Babylon. Through prayer Elias bound the heaven not to rain for three years and six months......"

And as an addition, since I remember The Lord said that we are to forgive our brothers sincerely, especially if we want to encounter God and pray unceasingly , I found that this wise words from my brother Romanos is very deep and worthy:

Don’t give offense. Don’t take offense. Forgive everybody everything right away.

Lord, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

New air.... new fragrance.... and welcome to the musicians room

This has been a challenging and good opportunity to have a new room, feel new experience with new friend! Ehm, I am sorry for to much 'new' words, this because I am very excited to the new opportunity that by His Mercy and Faithfulness happen in my life.

Last Saturday (06-06), I and my fellow boy students move to new mixed up rooms. After being overwhelmed by so many goods had to be moved from the old to the new one, eventually we finished up and ready to arrange the room as best as we can (and this is boys room... so there must be a little bit challenge to make it a little bit more tidy). But, I learnt a good thing yesterday from this special moment and that is to help each other in bearing their goods. Nice acts. In Indonesian we call this 'gotong royong', which I think I can not find the corresponding word in English, literally it means:gotong: to lift up (a burden) , royong:together.

And the unique thing is that in my new dorm room, almost all members are excellent in certain music instrument. Soeryo (a bassist), Mas Suko (a violinist), Mas Eko (guitarist -- but even more in basketball), Mas Yusak (a classic guitarist-- and an expert :P in physics), Andreas (a jazzy guitarist) and Daniel (a drummer)!! I am very glad that God has made us to be together in this room and I really hope that we can have a good time to share our lives and witness Christ the Lord through our communal life and my prayer always that they might really live in true Faith and Devotion to Our Lord. To God be the Glory....

And therefore once again I recite this Psalm 133 joyfully (and my joy that the Hebrew text here I got from Brock's comment in this post)

א שִׁיר הַמַּעֲלוֹת, לְדָוִד:הִנֵּה מַה-טּוֹב, וּמַה-נָּעִים-- שֶׁבֶת
אַחִים גַּם-יָחַד

A song of ascents; by David. Indeed, how good and how pleasant
is the dwelling of brothers, especially in unity!

ב כַּשֶּׁמֶן הַטּוֹב ,עַל-הָרֹאשׁ--יֹרֵד, עַל-הַזָּקָן זְקַן-אַהֲרֹן:שֶׁיֹּרֵד, עַל-פִּי מִדּוֹתָיו
Like the oil that is superior upon the head, running down upon the beard; the
beard of Aaron running down over his garments;

ג כְּטַל-חֶרְמוֹן-- שֶׁיֹּרֵד ,
עַל-הַרְרֵי צִיּוֹן:כִּי שָׁם צִוָּה יְהוָה, אֶת-הַבְּרָכָה--חַיִּים,
עַד-הָעוֹלָם

so the dew of Hermon descends upon the mountains of Tsiyon;for
there the LORD has commanded the blessing, May there be life forever!

Glory to Thee O God, Glory to Thee!

So strong, never tires

I heard a very profound three words from my great friend last time. And those words are "Love never tires". And as once again I took some moment to contemplate on this saying, I am very glad and amazed.My friend gave that saying from the songs of Salomon. Very simple but wonderful word. And without anymore doubt, that The One Who really shows and perfectly bestows this kind of Love from eternity to eternity is The Lord God Himself.

Love never tires. In spite of so many challenges, sorrows, and rejections He faced when He was on the earth, yet Love never tires. This kind of rejections and sorrows which he experienced is very great. From His birth, the world --His own creation-- did not recognize Him, in His toddlerhood, somebody tried to kill Him. In His work many times people tried to persecuted and push Him to the cliff and until the end of His life as a humankind, He was sorrowful servant. Yet, He is sinless, so pure, so strong and so gentle; so patient and so firm, so merciful and so holy, so wonderful and full of humility, so joyful and so compassionate. He is The Fullness of the Grace of God, the perfect source of our true humanity, He is our Lord, Christ, the Son of The Living God.

We were born into the fallen world where the mankind has lost his glory. And sometimes our own desires and passions are imperfect and lead us astray. But, He has come to redeem us, free us from sin, death and Satan. Those who live in Him shall not perish nor shall be in want. God is so near and there is no need to worry. We are surrounded by clouds of witness, our heroes; those who faithfully ask the mercy of God for us. We are in a great companion of his servants, Indeed, He is our Strong fortress and His Love's strength is beyond description. His Holy and life giving Spirit comforts, consoles, points us to Him. He walks with us as Great Guide and He pitches His tent with us and even dwell in us and make us His own Temple.

Great is His Love! Beloved, Love never tires! Tortured but he bless, rejected but he continues to love, misunderstood but he is so patient, hated but he sows strong love, oppressed and opposed but he bravely declares righteousness... Love never tires! Then, will we not give a free help for those who are in need? Will we not feed the hungry, those who will always with us? Will we not give the homeless, poor our hospitality? Will we not hug those who are weeping and need companion? Will we not go out and sow with tears and joy? We are not trying to serve this world because we are not its servant nor its slave anymore. But we are serving the Living God and knowing that they are created in His own image, we do what we see He is doing in our life. Let's go with the blessing and mercy of God, even more with He himself in our side and among His companions, be salt and light so that they may together with us glorify The Father and His Only Begotten Son and His Life Giving Spirit!

Lord Jesus Christ, The Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Over time [and not overnight]

How faithful our God is. He sees and treats us in His Majestic eternal Vision, in Wisdom and Love. Sometimes I , as his unworthy servant in my narrow and naive thinking, try to think God as what James and John the sons of thunder once thought, to act and react like us (to send the fire from heaven, they asked). God is Merciful and Compassionate!

Thus, we see and treat others-our brothers and sisters with love and compassion, as we are seen and treated by God with such beautiful, strong and deep Love and Mercy. I heard this joyful saying days ago, to worship in a place surrounded with holy icons of saints, giving us many profound messages and one (although not the only) of these is the fact that men--peoples- can be transformed into the very genuine and true personhood, since we are created in His very Image (Fr. John Oliver). And this is greatest news for those whose souls are hungry, seeking and wondering. God faced our reality and God did not give us platitudes and pep talks, He bore the lowest reaches of human depravity and declared after three days that no evil is omnipotent, no injustice is eternal, no existence is pointless and no death is meaningless (Steve Robinson).

And personally, when I read the wonderful passage of The Gospel according to St. John chapter 17, I am amazed and shaken for there it is shown How our Bridegroom so loves us deeply and tremendously! This is wonderful news and good tidings for all nations, for our nation(s) and for us.

We have that hope-Ultimate hope that any sinners (in which I am the most) can be transformed by Grace of God through The Victor, the Incarnated Logos, so they might partake in the great Communion with God. Many times this is not overnight but it is overtime. His Faithfulness and Patience toward us are so wonderful to sustain, protect and comfort us until the ages of ages! And yet, God has entrusted us with this wonderful Truth to share and witness in our very life in our whole lifetime. Therefore, let's patiently and faithfully sow, meekly and compel no one, like what our Holy Father said,

Do not force people's free will, but sow in hope; for our Lord did not compel anyone, but He preached the good news, and those who wished hearkened to Him.

—Abba Barsanuphios of Gaza (quoted in this blog).

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Focus

There are so many stimuli and other things happen around us here and now. And of course we can not respond and get detail of everything, we are limited. Some part of this is under our control, hence we decide our attention toward one or certain things by our choices. So among so many things that is happening around us we simply concentrate to just a part of it.

And even by this, we have witnessed about Who He is in our life. Like Holy Apostle Paul said that he would chose to know nothing but Jesus. I believe that this is very great! Because even from the way we set our thought, attention and focus of our choices-- which often called priority, we have been making difference to our days today.

Is it money, pleasures, pride, passions or ... drawing our attention today? The Lord God is far more necessary and beautiful and desirable than anything in our lives. This is what Jesus showed us when He lived on this earth. He kept focus to The Father's will each day and every single moment and He obeyed totally, cheerfully and joyfully The Father's Will.

Isn't it also what He commanded us? 'Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and its righteousness and these will be added unto you.' And of course, like in everything in our life, anything good comes only by His goodness and mercy, and there are no needs to depend on our own efforts. This is why our Holy Fathers gave us such beautiful and powerful gift, "Lord Jesus Christ, The Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!"

not just speak about....

I am amazed with the kind of spiritual life which God shows me in my life here and now. Because this is so clear, pure and real. This life style and 'art' are very deep and wonderful, yet this is very near and simple. This has so many mysteries and revelations of high metaphysical things, but The Lord has made even the humble understand it! Great is the mystery of our faith.

I reflect this to my past work frame and what I still see around me in my campus religious life here. And what I see is, sometimes someone more interested to just speak, discuss and babble about the life or certain rule of spiritual life. This is very good thing actually, but unfortunately even I my self sometimes am attempted to consider that that's all. So, just listen or speak about it and then, everything is done! When I think about this, I am realized that there is the missing point here.

How could if we want to learn how to ride a bicycle, and we just speak or listen about the way and keep wondering about that. Or, if I attend the literacy tutoring program and discuss about so many great skills training in it but I don't start to apply it in my writing. That wouldn't work!

It is very good to listen carefully and attentively. And I consider as well that in my own context, this is the most important thing to apply in encountering the peoples around me. And of course, the wise and venerable responses would have come from good listeners. The problem is if we are more attracted only to speak or listen about the spiritual matter and yet not really live it. There is a time to listen and there must be a time to act them out, not by our own strength but of His.

And I am very glad to notice the ancient treasure of The Church regarding this because The Church does not only 'remember the past', or draw a philosophical or metaphysical matter that is abstract, but truly celebrate it with beautiful Feasts, live it out now in the daily life bases and hope for the promised blessing and eternity. So, in the life of The Church, there is a strong and great harmonic cord of past, present and future. And this is because the consistency, timelessness and unconquerable of The Truth.

The same thing applied also to the spiritual life in each day. We do not only speak about fasting, making concepts or get the philosophical theory about it,yes we do that but beyond that we live it! In living it then, under the faithful guidance of The Church we may understand and live out our faith by his mercy.

Christianity should not stop there and thus only becomes a philosophical religion. The truth is more than that, more than the cognitive domains or wonderful reasoning, because Christ is so real and God has entered our reality. The Faith is as real as the Lake in which He calmed down the storm, as real as the nails with which He was hung. And once we heard He said, that not those who called him "Lord, Lord!", but those who do The Father's will who will come to his kingdom.

Therefore we listen to the Church, the pillar and the foundation of the truth. We learn from our Holy Fathers and the saints who not only lived out the faith but also were willing death for the sake of their love to Christ. We do not just speak about the faith and stop there, but more than that, we keep it in our hearts and live it and practice it every time in our daily life through prayers, fasting, and self-denying practice in the faithful companions of our spiritual fathers and mothers and brothers and sisters!

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on us!