Such sweetness

I am overjoyed when I think of goodness of the Lord. Hearing and witnessing such profound mercy and love of Him who created us, I am dumbfounded and lost my words. Indeed, taste and see how good The Lord is. He who is so faithful and full of love has come down and lived among us, just to be with us and becomes our friend and guide in this misserable world.

His beauty and overflowing humility have transformed everything into joy and victory. In His unutterable kindness he has transformed hardship into path of sanctification. He has made toil and tears, a precious staff of wonder. He has turned plain and tasteless water of routines into passionate move to the divine. Indeed, in Him everything has been transformed into Life.

Just fix your eyes to His amazing countenance and say yes in each step. He works in us both to will and to do His good will. By then, we know that it is in God we trust, and not in our own 'virtues', since honestly when I look into myself, nothing good have I done. And none of any goodness I could boast of. Everything good and perfect comes from Him. It is Him who works in us and through us to reveal His wonderful love toward mankind. And in this I rejoice even more, because His mercy encompass us and make us more and more like Him. Never give in, but keep trusting on Him no matter happened to us. His love and His love alone will be revealed at last.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.

Seeking only to love

It is beautiful to have a day to just be silent and learn. How healing and restoring that is to keep our mouth and mind still, while we learn inwardly. Doesn't it sound pretty wordy? Well, unbelievably that what I went through today. Our school is having some kind of seminar or professional development these two days. The first day today was pretty amazing as we tried to ponder on how Holy Scripture is God's story -- and not only merely a story but a love story. I cherish every moment of reflection and discussion on this. I simply exclaim in my heart: How lovely it is to hear and to contemplate on the story of Ever Loving Lord as being told in each and every page of the Bible!

Once again I am reminded that even in the very common and familiar story of Moses, David vs Goliath, Esther and many more in the Scripture, we must not forget that they all tells about The Lord: how he loves us so much, how he is faithful, how he is mighty and merciful! The Lord is above all historical events and He keeps seeking only to love. Yes, His ways though, seems not very clear for our limited mind. How He works doesn't really look like how we work. But one thing is sure: when we listen to the reading of Scripture or we take it up and read it by ourselves, we know that all the Scriptures talks about Him and His glory manifests in various settings and circumstances.

Reflecting on this, I am so excited to read and search the Scriptures with this approach: Christ is in the center of all. Even when we read difficult passage of the Scriptures, we know that Christ is the main character of these beautiful revelation. When we turn the pages of the Holy Scriptures, we will get amazed how God really cares about us and how He keeps seeking only to love us and bring us back to what we originally meant to become: like Him.

Yes, the words of the Lord in the Scriptures are not merely sweet talk. More than that, they transform and purify us. They are the light unto our feet and a lamp unto our path. Just as in its big story is God who keeps seeking to love, it will soften our hearts in such a way in faith, hope and love so that in the end we will be energized to seek only to love... until the end of our love. Take it up and read!

Glory to You, O Lord!

A sweet thought at Sunday late night

Usually, realizing that tomorrow Monday is an uneasy thought. There in the window of tomorrow all responsibility and toil await me with such urge and sometimes can get 'merciless'. People do not care so much about how you feel and how you are, they simply want to see you perform the best task. Well, at least that could happen with the service-oriented job. But tonight, I feel rather different. And that comes out pretty sweet.

As you may notice, Mother Gavrilia Papayanis inspires me alot with her attitude of absolute trust and faith in Christ. She is just so very sweet daugther of God. By reading her words and expression of love, people could not help but being amazed and edified at the same time. Now, what is that to do with Sunday night reflection?

When I remember Mother Gavrilia with her lovely disposition as I got ready at my prayer corner, silently sweetness flows through my being. It's like my soul summons me, 'How peaceful it is for me to be in the presence of my Lord." With such sweetness and peace I began to be silent and serene. Truly, Lord, let me remember how Thou art everywhere present. Thus, by His grace actually we are constantly in the presence of This Lover of Mankind. How sweet.

Even though tomorrow is Monday, I feel so much refreshed and encouraged. Have you ever felt how much 'recharged' and lively you are when somebody whom you love stay near you? Now this time Christ who loves you so much be ever present with us. The Holy Spirit dwells in us too. What a joy! What a sweetness. Thus, it supposed to be, that by His presence in us, our presence among others also radiate warmth, peace, love and joy. Simply totally be here in the presence, where God is and keep focusing on Him: following Him and saying yes to whatever He asks as to do and to be. Be it throwing the net to the right after such hopeless night without result. For one reason: He loves us so much. Glory to You, O Lord...

With joy and willingness

At the beginning of the most beloved season of Great Lent, as usual I keep thinking and pondering upon the journey of repentance which becomes the central theme of this beautiful moments in the church. I am especially and deeply touched by the reading of quotes and lives of the saints who lived such courageous life, with an illumined heart and joyful disposition in the midst of this imperfect world since they keep their focus not on the created, rather on the creator, such as St. John of Kronstadt and St. Nikolai Velimirovich.


Meanwhile, life at works kind of gets tougher. At times, I feel exhausted and becomes down. But then, such truth and beauty which comes from the Lord through his beloved servants always refresh and sustain me. One of them, I forgot exactly the Saint who says this--but I remember the highlight which goes like, "We need humiliation and adversity as much as a sick person needs medication." For a while, I was like a fainted person which just received a punch or something which makes me awake. How true! Looking back, I somehow recall how my attitude of being down, cranky and rude is because of my entitlement of comfort zone. Because everything doesn't 'feel right' that is not the way I want it to be, then I get upset and my mood ruins. How interesting it is, upon hearing and reflecting on this, I feel a bunch of load, especially emotional loads, released and I am at ease. "Wow. what I really need to do is, just accept it. Accepting with joy and willingness to trust God... literally everything is all that I can do," I summon myself. Indeed, everything good comes from God, even if sometimes it doesn't look like what we imagine, rather something hard which work in us beauty which we cannot make through ourselves.

Endure. Stay faithful. Keep focusing on Him, by having remembrance of His Holy Name and love. These things in us will instill fear of God. When we are filled with awe before Him, we will be silent and willing to bear anything; not only our personal adversity which comes from work, toil and such. Even more, we shall be given strength to love our enemies. Here is a very beautiful prayer of St. Nikolai of Serbia:

Bless my enemies, O Lord. Even I bless them and do not curse them.
Enemies have driven me into your embrace more than friends have.
Friends have bound me to earth, enemies have loosed me from earth and have demolished all my aspirations in the world.
Enemies have made me a stranger in worldly realms and an extraneous inhabitant of the world. Just as a hunted animal finds safer shelter than an unhunted animal does, so have I, persecuted by enemies, found the safest sanctuary, having ensconced myself beneath your tabernacle, where neither friends nor enemies can slay my soul.
Bless my enemies, O Lord. Even I bless them and do not curse them.
They, rather than I, have confessed my sins before the world.
They have punished me, whenever I have hesitated to punish myself.
They have tormented me, whenever I have tried to flee torments.
They have scolded me, whenever I have flattered myself.
They have spat upon me, whenever I have filled myself with arrogance.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, Even I bless them and do not curse them.
Whenever I have made myself wise, they have called me foolish.
Whenever I have made myself mighty, they have mocked me as though I were a dwarf.
Whenever I have wanted to lead people, they have shoved me into the background.
Whenever I have rushed to enrich myself, they have prevented me with an iron hand.
Whenever I thought that I would sleep peacefully, they have wakened me from sleep.
Whenever I have tried to build a home for a long and tranquil life, they have demolished it and driven me out.
Truly, enemies have cut me loose from the world and have stretched out my hands to the hem of your garment.
Bless my enemies, O Lord. Even I bless them and do not curse them.
Bless them and multiply them; multiply them and make them even more bitterly against me:
so that my fleeing to You may have no return;
so that all hope in men may be scattered like cobwebs;
so that absolute serenity may begin to reign in my soul;
so that my heart may become the grave of my two evil twins, arrogance and anger;
so that I might amass all my treasure in heaven;
ah, so that I may for once be freed from self-deception, which has entangled me in the dreadful web of illusory life.
Enemies have taught me to know what hardly anyone knows, that a person has no enemies in the world except himself.
One hates his enemies only when he fails to realize that they are not enemies, but cruel friends.
It is truly difficult for me to say who has done me more good and who has done me more evil in the world: friends or enemies.
Therefore bless, O Lord, both my friends and enemies.
A slave curses enemies, for he does not understand. But a son blesses them, for he understands.
For a son knows that his enemies cannot touch his life.
Therefore he freely steps among them and prays to God for them.

(Taken from: http://www.orthodoxytoday.org/articles/VelimirovichBlessEnemies.php?/articles/VelimirovichBlessEnemies.shtml )

How beautiful! How lovely! Through the prayers of our holy fathers, Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us and save us.
 
  

Spark of God

My reflection this time is my thoughts on what Mother Gavrilia said as written in a biography of her entitled “The Ascetic of Love”. This amazing book relates her opinion on some people whom the people considered as ‘bad people’. Below is what she said beautifully (pages 175-176).

[...these people are] Not just good... Angels! The heart never stops being good. You can see even a wrong doer having tears in his eyes at a given moment and saying: “Well now I still cannot understand how I did that”... This spark of God is inside us. It cannot be absent from any human being.

[...] Ah but there is nothing else! Take out the Spark of God, and we become living corpses. That breath, which God blew into us, is Love. Is it gone? Then we are like living dead walking about... Just think of it.

How beautiful and truthful these simple words are! And it struck me to realize that every saint living on this earth would adopt the same attitude. It’s neither out of compromise nor out of despair, rather, is always out of love. And that love transform and brings so powerful impact to a person, community and the world. Just like The Lord says, we are like sheep among the wolves. We could not be harmful: what we do is merely to love and love and love to the point that only Christ live in us.

Being Christian, as St. Seraphim of Sarov, we have such precious purpose namely to acquire the Spirit of Peace. When we acquire that, thousands around us shall be saved. Now, when I draw correlation line here between what blessed mother Gavrilia said and the one of St. Seraphim, it is clear that at any cost, we are called to live in God. By always keeping that spark, tending it, in such manner that Christ’s glory revealed through the very presence of Him in us.

That is how God sees us! And that is why we still live until today. It is merely by the mercy of God that He gives us his grace to come closer to him with every second passed. Yes, it is not automatic and smooth way to trod. Rather it is the way of the cross. We pass this path by constantly combating our darkness and hear His voice leading to the light.

So many times I whisper to myself in the moment of realization: “Hey, you take too much care for yourself: by living in indulgence of food, clothing, entertainment, etc. When will you start to learn caring for others as well?” Yes, it is so easy for me to be trapped into pursue of my own comfort. Once imagination one by one gratified, I feel drowned. However, I desire to be caring and hospitable, and to be helpful and loving. May the Lord help me.

When I come across this gem thought, it is that aha moment! The Spark of God. Yes, we humans are created for Him, in Him and through Him. God is the source, benefactor and the final. He is Alfa and Omega. What I need to do is to cling on Him always, with all I am, with my failure, weaknesses and everything. To pray unceasingly, to ask his mercy and help in every moment. That’s how we can start loving. First by living out that Spark of God, as dim as it has been, faithfully and with faith, and let God lead the way! Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner...

Do we desire...?

Some kind of sweetness in life could come unexpectedly. That comes to me today as I listen to the words of God being preached in the church. Christmas, the feast of the Nativity of The Lord is around the corner and I was just swollen by the streams of announcements, celebrations around it and etc. At some point it became too much that I could be easily forget in which manner The Lord came to us: in the silence and serenity, in humility and peace. I was suddenly touched by the reflection of How Panaghia Theotokos Maria keeps silent and store her reflections in this very moment like this.

Thus, today I am reminded of how Christ is Emmanuel, God who dwells among us or who is always with us. At the remembrance of this, I come to bow my head in contrition. He is with me, he is with us! I have heard that the phrase, “Don’t be afraid...” is one of the phrases very frequently assured by the Lord in the Scripture. And yet, that phrase is continually spoken to us until today.

So often, what makes us afraid in this world is because we don’t acknowledge God who is with us in whatever circumstances we are in. As a result, we can be easily driven by the avoidance of pain and pursue of temporary entertainment. We want this, and that, and yet we don’t find ourselves satisfied, rather we becomes so much dismayed and dejected.

God is with us! Do we desire Him? Let us not forget the history of his people; of Israel which becomes eternal lesson for us. When they acknowledged and trusted Him, and followed His commands, they were victorious and valiant, but when they became hard-hearted and despised His words, they became the most miserable nation in this world.

We constantly need Christ to be with us. For it is His own blessed lips which say: “without Me you can do nothing.” It is His own presence which becomes fortress and blessing when we are living here and now. Thus, what else can we desire? Let us say with our heart together with Blessed and Glorious David, “As a deer panteth for the water, so my soul long after Thee.”  

When we totally acknowledge Him and trust Him in every second of our life, nothing shall make us afraid or anxious. Our life is in His Merciful Hands. What we need to do is simply look on Him and listen to His commands. For, “They who loves Me do My commandments.” All other things are added, as essential as they are. He is Good Father who knows what His children need.

Yet, honestly it is my own old self which easily failed me. Thus, at anytime, I cannot trust my own strength and understanding. Rather, always calling out to Him, “Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner,” in every possible moment, for I know nothing of my own power could accomplish anything.

What a joy! What strength! A reflection on how God is really with us! The moment you are reading this, God takes care of you and loves you. Let us by our repentance moment by moment, opening our hearts and minds to the abundance of His grace and to acknowledge His gentle Hands to lead us to life. Let us never exhausted to offer our life and to learn as unworthy as we are to love God back.

Glory to God for all things! 

Pain which has no name

I always appreciate time to remain silent and to simply ponder on life. These past few years has been very amazing for me to pass through. Although I cannot deny that everytime the noises of the world cease behind me and thus I am forced to face the world silence, I feel that pain which I cannot describe. There is kind of sadness, sorrow and isolated feeling which leave me there to ponder.

Yes, we shall never be satisfied with temporary entertainment and comfort. Each and every moment struggle rises and we need to keep our eyes widely open. I am thankful thus for at least these two reasons: that every pain is temporary, since Love conquers all and that this life is not about my feeling about it. Because otherwise, a person like me would be sinking into the abbys of gloomy days.

I would call this feeling a pain which no name. This is strange but I simply happen to feel it. It's like that void and emptiness inside which no matter what happen to me, it's there, waiting and yearning. And I dunno if that would ever be filled: may be someday.

I don't understand mostly what happens around me and what that even means. What I know is that I live a certain life and certain expectations, may be with certain dreams. My faith is so too very small to make sense of this life, if I have faith at all. Yet, somehow I know I have to keep alive.

Sometimes when I reflect how every person craving for beauty and happiness: the more they run after it, the further it flies away. Mankind from age to age cannot get rid of their fantasy and dream on beauty and virtues, yet so many times they blur it with utter ugliness. Drunkeness overlaps merry, folishness overshaddow the hope of freedom. And on and on.

Toiling and spoiling... Do I hope to understand? May be not. I leave it alone. I don't deserve this knowledge, since that seed cannot grow on my dry and rocky soil. I just want to live this life as it is.