To be honest, I don't know why recently my desires to write and express my thought is becoming less. Let me think why. One of the reasons is of course the time. I am getting a little bit busy with the 'psychological noise' inside my mind and also of so many activities while my own time management is far from sufficient. I need to learn more in managing this precious time which the Lord has given to me; new each day to amend and repent and to be his servant wherever I am. Lord, have mercy on me Thy servant. Grant me wisdom to manage and use my time for Thy glory alone.
The second reason I think, is my lack of humility. Last week was a though week for me. This was when the stress and all the expectations around me culminated ad I was just getting not well physically (I was sick of throat soared and high fever). The peak was when my lecturer granted me a disappointing grade for my Bahasa paper that I thought I will get an excellent result. Yet, the fact said another thing! I was really realized that in many times or rather in everytime humility is a very strong shield toward the snares of the devil in everywhere.
And actually, this last event made me chrushed and down particularly in my mood to write since I was realizing that what I have been thinking about my self is not correct. And once more I plea, "Lord, have mercy on me. Grant me a humble heart to learn, to keep silent and be still and know that Thou art God."
But, I am rememeber one saying from Abba Anthony the dessert father, if we have to be careful of the melancholicy and despair. And praise the Lord, he is the mighty God. He rescued me from both of those dangers.
Oh..... my soul, look how week and lame you are! I need learn and learn and learn single day by single day. And one thing I really desire to learn is HUMILITY!
Lord, have mercy on me!
Brother, do not worry too much about humility. It isn't something we can "grow" through our own efforts or will power.
ReplyDeleteBy all means, always take the humble and lowest place, but not to gain humility or even to demonstrate it.
Seek Christ always first, and do what you see Him doing in your spirit, and accept everything that happens to you, good and bad, with the same cheerfulness (not resignation), the same satisfaction with God's plan for your life.
Always do your best, seek excellence in all that you do, and yet do not claim glory for yourself, but keep doing what I see you already doing, inwardly and outwardly give the glory to God, through Christ, who living inside you is accomplishing all that He desires.
Humility is even being happy when you know you have failed, because God will use the brokenness to heal you and others around you, as long as you confess His resurrection in your life.
Thank you, thank you!
ReplyDeleteOh, thanks, Brother (actually I feel my self unworthy to call you with this, because I am just a beginner in this spiritual life)...
Thanks for reminding me that this is not about my effort and until you tell me so, I thought that was!
We are all beginners in God's sight. I am honored to have found such a friend as you, or rather, that God has bestowed on me the knowledge that you exist. This is all for His glory.
ReplyDeleteDo not forget what I said in my first comment to you on my blog, that if there is something you need that cannot be obtained where you are, ask me, and I will try to send it to you.
I will continue reading your blog, but no more tonight, because I have some Hebrew translation work to do.
Go with God, brother Yudhie.
(May I call you Yudhie?)
Yes, you can. And by the way, what should I call you. You see that I am so awkward on that!
ReplyDeleteGod bless you too!
My name is Romanós. You can call me that, brother!
ReplyDelete