Psalm 145-- beautiful!!

I really love the psalms! How beautiful and lovely the prayers there. For today, I am once again amazed with this beautiful verses which really true and powerful, Psalm 145:13-21

13 Your sovereignty is an eternal sovereignty, your reign lasts from age to age, your empire lasts from age to age. Always true to his promises, Yahweh shows love in all he does.
14. Only stumble, and Yahweh at once supports you, if others bow you down, he will raise you up.
15. Patiently all creatures look to you to feed them throughout the year;
16. quick to satisfy every need, you feed them all with a generous hand.
17. Righteous in all that he does, Yahweh acts only out of love,
18. standing close to all who invoke him, close to all who invoke Yahweh faithfully.
19. to those who fear him need only to ask to be answered; he hears their cries for help and saves them.

20. Under his protection the pious are safe, but Yahweh is destruction to the wicked.
21. Yahweh's praise be ever in my mouth, and let every creature bless his holy name for ever and ever!
Amen!

Day 11: the last day; a precious moment

This day has been a unique day because this is the last day for this second practicum. I feel very glad but also sorry for having to leave the students, I am starting to know them personally and really enjoy my time! So, I gave my mentors thanks cards so did my students (beloved students!) and the classroom became filled with mixed feeling!

And in this occasion I praise My Beloved Lord Who has been very faithful and great! He has vouchsafe me until this time and by His mercy I finish this second practicum :). There are many things He alloweth me to learn from my mentors and the students and therefore I would like to say thanks to:

Ibu Tisa, my great mentor. I love to see how she interact and communicate with the students.
Ibu Yanti, my great mentor too! I remember her encouraging feedback to maintain the students attention during Math class.

And my beloved students from grade 7.2:
Zacky 'the mathematician', Brodie 'the Scottish', Andrew 'the researcher', Abraham, Raymond, Christo, Liza 'the Indo-swiss', Chandrika "chan-chan", Ristia, Kevin I, Kevin F, Axel, Nicole, Shila and Jesslyn! Glad to know you, guys!

and from 9.2 graders:
Kevin, Dinar, Bayu, Malvin, Anthony, Era, Andrea, Lisa, Hendra and Jeremy!
My prayers with you all!

Glory to You, O God!

Day 10: plus and minus of detention

Yesterday, my mentor was attending the teacher workshop out of town, therefore I and one of my college friend, Kak Komang were assigned to supervise some of her classes. And finally at the end of the school we had the chance to observe the detention segment after school for the students who had misbehaved during the classroom process.

During my time in that class of 20 students consisted of different grades ranged from 7 to 12, I kept pondering upon this matter of discipline, especially about detention. When I looked up this term in Wikipedia and some other resources, I was struck by the original meaning of this word is associated with imprisonment and resistance. What a strong word it is. And although I have learned about this term in the psychology course in college but it's really a new thing for me to directly observed and to be in the detention class.

I know that I have not really understood about this matter and it can somehow make me misunderstand. So, in this time reflection, I just want to think about what I have seen yesterday in practice and list down some pluses and minuses of this process.

When the students arrived to the class, they seemed to feel not good and not comfortable. It also could be 'another job' for a teacher if it's not done effectively. And actually for the students who have the right understanding of being in the room, they will surely understand that this is time for reflections and think what they had done which were unacceptable. But since this was the culmination of 'warnings in the classroom', some students would feel so bad about themselves and saw this time as a reinforcement of that image. And I am still reluctant to continue this reflection because I am still not really sure about this. I'll ask this soon to my lecturer as soon as I come back to campus.

Lord, have mercy!

day 9: classroom teaching and learning process

It's always great for me to see my students' eyes gleaming with spirit of learning and exploring the lesson enthusiastically. Either in Language class when the students try to make sense the art of other language or in Math class when the students deal with calculations and logic, when the students may learn skills and knowledge that may be useful for them. And yes, sometimes it happens and it is called smooth time or enjoyable time with the students.

But sometimes it doesn't! Working together as a team in classroom is a dynamic process. As a student teacher sometimes I am too concerned about lesson plan, and that makes me reminded of the instruction from my lecturer,"you are teaching the students (with a plan) and not teaching lesson plans (with student in class)." And for me personally, it's still in process because many times I plan the lesson simply in ideal condition; tend to ignore and even avoid the unexpected possibility in class and sometimes missing a little but very important matter in the classroom for example the procedures of doing games or activity for learning, etc.

And I find that the more I try to know the students (especially call them by name), those whom I work with, the more opportunities for me to explore the potency or the tendency of the classroom process and therefore it will be very helpful to manage and even to be firm to myself in helping the students learn what they really need to learn. And from this I can find the difference between what my lecturer said as 'teaching lesson plans' and 'teaching the students (with a plan)'. 'Teaching lesson plan' tends to control over the class that is to force the class to be as what the teacher wants and being inflexible, while 'teaching students with a plan' is being flexible, treat the students as persons while considering their feelings, needs, potency by knowing the students. By that, the relationship grows; the interaction is becoming a meaningful communication involving persons who learn. And by treating the students with care, acknowledging their feeling and firmly encouraging the values, then however hard the process of teaching and learning in classroom might be, the teacher would not be alone because he/she has students who trust him/her and they're trusting each other! And I know that everything good comes only from Him Who is Good One. Lord, have mercy!

Day 8: teacher's mind-- words and questions

"OK, what do you think of Hasan's characteristics in this novel that you read so far?" Miss Tisa asked her Grade 10 students while I was listening to her in the classroom. Then I saw some of the students came up with some ideas and the learning begin as they went deeper and deeper around the topic of that day.

It often seems to me that the Secondary Math and language teachers are like bringing the 'seed' of thought and knowledge to the students in the form of questions. This is not only to start but also to nourish and guide the students along their learning. And I find that the questioning technique is also a powerful help to encourage and to direct students' thinking process. In another word, by doing the questioning the teacher is trying to speak with students' language or even to see with the students' eyes. By applying this little but not-too-easy technique, the teacher is implanting approach and mindset to the students to work on.

And of course, the questioning is not the end of learning but rather the tool to limit and decide what is to be learned and what actually really matters. Therefore, each question has always a motivation behind itself, either to justify, or to encourage thinking, or to adjust the thought and to conclude the observations and even to revise the conclusion. And I am glad that at times, a proper and sincere guiding question is more respectful and caring than to dictate everything and to compel the audience to be one mind with us.

Reflecting on this, I find that the question can also be the image of our heart, because the words (including the question) that come out from our mouth are from our hearts. Therefore, it is very good to keep watch and guard our hearts in repentance and prayers. Knowing that He is Mighty and I am so poor, I beseech Him to have mercy on me and heal me from the wounds of sins in my heart which has made it to be stinky for the angels, others and even God. Let his mercy heals it and drops as a fragrant oil which transform the heart and mind to gush out myrrh and incense unto Him! Lord, have mercy!
And by His mercy, our longing and questions in this life lead us to amaze and to fear Him and even to love Him. We fix our attention to our True and Great Teacher Who is so firmly and wisely guide and direct us through the Holy Spirit in His Holy Church unto Himself, with more than questions-- with the fullness of the Truth. Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!

In a new morning! :)

Praise the Lord for this new day! Once again I am reminded that only in Him and by His mercy then I can live. Only by faithfulness of my Creator I am preserved and live for Him. But I am ashamed because many times I have grieved my beloved Lord and sinned against Him. Lord have mercy!

But his love is so great and his faithfulness endures forever! And this morning is a new one. And again, I am amazed with Lord's love. The Lord incarnated to be one of us, lived as a sinless One; blamelessly and humbly. He is the very definition of humility and thus of obedience. He has trampled down death and death becomes powerless. Therefore, let's always put on our new and restored and true self in Him and fix our all hearts, minds and strengths to Him as we do what we see Him doing in us.

Each day, each new day as I (and we) see and venerate human image of God, we are amazed and trembled of such love and wonder that God humbled himself came down and made sin for us so that he might embrace us and redeem us to be once again His own; and be The Victor and Conqueror by His Humility and Obedience toward the Father, so that we might be united with Him; in His death and in His Resurrection. And Yes, to be His own.

And as the fruit of His Mighty Incarnation we joyfully and reverently see also the images of those who abode in Him, His beloved saints who were moved and transformed by His Love and become like Him. And by the Grace of Holy Spirit, His beloved ones enter into The Way, The Truth and The Life and witnessed with their whole life with such beautiful voice which louder than the voice of thunders because they prefer to give up this earthly life, as their blood shed while crying out, "Your Love wonders me, Lord! And forgive these men." How strong is this love! What kind of Love is this? This is divine Love, for He Who is Love has manifest himself and thus One seed buried on the ground and springs up Life and fruits.

He is risen! He lives! His love conquers! Through His Holy Spirit He continues to live among His beloved ones to remind us of His Love, While comforting, sustaining and guiding us so we may put off our own veils, the stinky sins through repentance in confession and He heals us; and to remind whatever He has spoken to us so that we might abide in Him and make us worthy to take our part to eat and drink from His Table and participating in His Life.

"Whoever eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. "For My flesh is food indeed, and My blood is drink indeed. He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him”. (John 6:54-56)

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

in the valley

the wheel rounds
so are the waves in the seashore back again
to the blue, dark and deep niche
and it comes again and tramples the beach

silent there
there's no voice of singing birds
or the swinging of Bougainvillea clumps
only dumbness

drought it is
and no deer could tell what
hey fishes tell me something
and let's see if I could understand

no, no
I don't know
get no idea
I am dumb, no word

having a spare time

Actually today until Friday, my students have been going for school Youth Camp and therefore I don't have any teaching activities. And this is the first day of being hiatus from school and I feel a little bit unusual. And here I have to keep looking for ideas what to do in this new environment where almost all of the residents (students and staffs are going to Youth Camp as well) are going out. So in the dorm are just me and my friends who also have to make up idea so we don't waste time.

Well, even right now, I am thinking and reflecting on this. But I am reminded by the Lord's commandment not to worry about anything, but keep watchful and vigilant and trust Him and His Wisdom. And I plea for God's mercy to protect me from the burning passion in the flesh, especially because it's too easy in this kind of time for me to be attempted of being lethargic and idle. Lord have mercy!

And by the way, I am glad for this opportunity actually, because then I will have time to read, learn and revise and edit the reflective journals, having sports (I really hope!) and the most important thing: to pray :) (and I am reminded by Fr. Stephen's post: “You should never read more hours in a day than you pray") and be in the presence of The Lord Almighty. Glory to You, O God!

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Day 7: growing relationships with mentors and students

It’s very sweet to remember today when my mentors both Miss Tisa and Mrs. Yanti telling their experiences as students and how they got to workplace. And by this time our partnerships as a teacher and prospective teacher, an experienced one with the one who is looking for experience have been growing very well as we begin to look on ourselves are as persons and of course as professionals.

I praise the Lord that He allows me to know and to be under the guidance of Ms Tisa. This morning we really enjoyed the conversations both about little matters such as how did she manage to work while she was in the university, her hobbies and hometown and the serious matter such as resources, classroom management and many other experiences in helping the students to learn. It's very fascinating for me to hear her story when she was teaching a kindergarten and she had a Spanish girl in her classroom and thus she had to suddenly learn Spanish and manage to talk with this little girl in an 'instant' language :). So far, I really appreciate Ms Tisa's ideas and approaches in teaching and I learn many useful knowledge and experience in her industrious classroom!

And I am always glad for Mrs. Yanti who has helped me so much in dealing with behavioral management in the classroom and for sharing her experiences in teaching Math for Secondary students. Sometimes, both Ms Tisa and Mrs. Yanti are humorist and I enjoy to stay with them and to listen to their feedbacks and encouragements.

One of students group which I teach these weeks is Grade 7.2. This group is unique enough with various students' characteristics and needs. What makes this group of 15 students more unique is their diversity of cultures and ancestors: Liza with her father from Netherlands and mother Javanese, Brody the Indo-Scottish, Christie the Indian, and many more Chinese and Koreans. This fact has enriched the teaching experience. For example, as a new teacher I am not very comfortable when students talk and being noisy because of something. Sometimes with a disturbed face I looked to them and said, "silent please!" but after reflecting on this, I tried to use more caring and positive one: "Chan-chan, may be you need help?" She then simply state her problem and then silent or while doing the guided practice, "Axel, need guidance?" and he looked at me and said, "Oops, No, may be later..." and he realize that he supposed to be on task. And I am very pleased that it worked and could build the caring-classroom atmosphere.



Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!

Day 6: An approach

Today, I saw something unique and funny idea of my mentor in teaching English as a second language. The idea was to let the students 'create' their own countries. And I found that this is very fun and creative. The students had to explain about what is the name of the country, the currency, occupation, resources and etc.

The aim of this student presentation is to assess their speaking ability in English with their own ideas and creativity. By this approach they'd also learn and know about the countries systems and thus encourage them to be a good citizens. It's very fun to see how they make up the ideas of 'racing country' or 'music country' and etc and see how they construct their values and opinions in this activity, may be because personally I also love geography so much.

And I understand now that sometimes learning for the students sometimes can be done with a playful manner and even in that little activities they could be reflective and learned a little bit about responsibility. And praise the Lord that day by day, the relationship among me, my mentors and students grows and grows! And I keep praying for them that God may bless us in this process.

Glory to You O God, Glory to You!

Happy birthday, Khezia my little niece!

Today is very special day. Very first day is because this is the Lord's day a special day separated for Him and to the devotion and worship to Him. I always wish and long for this day because of this reason!! And this solemn day of His is becoming even more joyful because today is also my little niece's, Khezia's first birthday.

I made a call and heard her babbling and said happy birthday! I also greeted my beloved sister Dies Susiana Wati and her husband, Semuel Fahik! May God grants you many years, Khezia!

Prayer, prayer, prayer

This is Saturday and it means I don't have school day today. What a silent and calm morning it was as I stood in the front of holy icon of Christ, Mother of God and His saint, St. John the Forerunner! I was really glad for this beautiful day which God still alloweth me to live in His mercy.

Last night I visited The Orthodox Prayer web page and was astonished with its contents such as beautiful quotes, instructions and guidance in building the prayer life. Very beautiful! Here is a quote which is very lovely:
"Those who desire to renounce their old nature must not sometimes pray and sometimes not, but must unceasingly devote themselves to prayer and watchfulness of mind, even when they are outside temples of prayer. Those who intend to purify gold, if even for a short time they allow the fire to go out in the furnace, they produce hardening again in the material that is being purified. Ignatius Brianchaninov. And that reminds me to Father Stephen's post: Pray Always.

I trust this day to you O Lord! Lord have mercy!

Day 5: pressure and relieve

What a good week this has been! Eventually, this is the last day for this first teaching experience week for me. Yes, and knowing this gives me a little bit relieve. And glory to God for His faithfulness to me an unworthy one leading me through this week which full of new experiences.

Sometimes it’s not really easy thing to deal with people with different needs, characters and personalities. And it’s very good for me to remember (although not exactly) what Metropolitan Gregory in his book “How to live a holy life”, to pray for everybody who would meet with us and to whom we will encounter with. It’s neither in order to make it ‘easier’ for our sake and comfort nor to fulfill our desire to have everything well. Rather to prepare us to love them, overlooking the weakness and wrongdoings they might have to us, to forgive them and have inner peace in our hearts thus to train our obedience to God.

Yes, it’s not an easy day today because I don’t feel really well and a little bit not comfortable to hear the criticism from my friends and mentor. At first, it's a little bit embarrassing, but I believe that it's by God's love that He alloweth me to listen to those things for me to learn humility and to be amended ! Glory to you O God! Grant me O Lord to trust you more than I trust to my feeling or understanding. I keep this saying in my mind: “Crucify me with Thy Love, O God! Glory to You O God, Glory to You! And bless my friends and mentor whom Thou hast send, let me not be embittered but be rejoice in Thee.”

And yes, I feel much better now after doing my lessons today, praise the Lord!

4th day: decisions and heart

Today, I am staying Ibu Tisa's classroom and observing and grabbing so many experiences from the classroom actions. Today I am becoming more convinced that there are still many things to be learned as a prospective teacher and among them: making fluid decision every second or even every milliseconds as the teaching-learning going on. The more I observe, the more I realize that as a teacher, the values that he/she holds and believes, the motivations and the attitude in teaching -- the heart of the teacher--so to speak are clearly revealed to the students from the very way of his/her speaking, thinking, questioning and listening because a teacher has to make hundreds (or even more than that) decisions either what to say or what to think or what to do in a very short period of time and in those decisions a part of his/her heart is revealed.

That might be a compelling heart, a compromising heart or a caring heart. And reflecting on this, at least two things come up in my mind, first that a heart can be transformed and changed. I am realizing that so many times, I keep attracted in my own interest or wants and somehow forget the student's hearts and needs. Thus it's very important for me personally to be watchful into myself so that my heart always abide in Him and in His mercy to decide and do responsibly as what I see Him doing in me. Only He Who has alloweth many things to happen in our life can renew our hearts and we need always lift up our hearts unceasingly to Him and say, "Lord, have mercy!" and have always repentance before Him Who is Merciful. The second thing is, as a teacher inevitably my (and our) heart will influence the students hearts to move apart or move toward that values. Thus it's very clear that in the deepest sense, a teacher indirectly teaches 'who he/she is' and thus, who is his/her Master.

3rd day- teaching persons

"What are you going to teach?" One day my lecturer asked us. And we answered that with simple answer, "Math" and some of us, "Physics". "Are you sure?" the discussion continued, and she seemed not very agree and satisfied with our answers. "As a teacher, you are not teaching Math or Physics, that's the course you deliver to them: You are teaching the students about Math or Physics."

I considered about that for awhile and ah... yes, I talked in my heart. A teacher should treat them as persons, whole persons and then as the students who learn i.e. learners. And that's what I reflect on today.

May be theoretically, everything can be so smooth and 'in our control' by speculate one or two strategies to teach and that's it, it's done! But in reality as a teacher I must face many 'uncertainties'. For example, what would be happened in the classroom after this all preparations, what if the students getting very frustrated and even bored, what if one of the students unexpectedly misbehave that day, and many what ifs facing a day of a teacher who teaches tens of students with their own unique personality, feeling and thoughts.

Today I did my first two lesson plans about the percentages, Mathematics for grade 7. I had prepared the lessons with all the materials, PowerPoint and etc and actually I was so enthusiast to do my teaching. But unfortunately, the projector didn't work! And there it was, I should automatically switched on the plan B. I was nevertheles being a little bit panic about this, yet praise the Lord it's done.

And as I stated before, students are persons.... When they come into my classroom some of them are ready and yet some are needful and so distracted. Care and patience has to be with the firmness to help them to learn. And as a new teacher I am struggling between focusing on what I can help them to learn and in the same time dealing with them as persons who learn! That what I experienced today: a teacher who stands in the front inevitably have to make many and 'continuous' decisions every single second to keep the classroom doing. I still need a lot of practice to make a right decision and to be an effective teacher who really helps students learn.

About the uncertainties, that's reminds me always that I could not depend on my own strength or my own desires to face even a single day of my life. There are too many possibilities which can happens in a single moment to me. And I am just amazed how The Lord Who lovest mankind in His Mighty and Strong Love sustains and strengthens us in this life. I trust in Him, and I plea to Him to strengthen my feet to follow Him!

"Without God, we cannot do anything. Excessive sorrow, and despair, are of the tempter. Always say, “May Thy will be done.” Have joy and sorrow as guests, but not despair. No matter how much sorrow the evil one brings, say, “I have my Christ. He was crucified for me and loves me.” -- form Romanos' blog by Presbytera Candace, quoted from the saying Elder Ierónymos of Ǽgina.

2nd day-- teens students and their days

(Photo from my mentor's home page: http://denrigen.googlepages.com/)
Glory to God for this new day. This morning my friends commented about the hill weather, look there was spots of dews on the windows and it's 'too cold' for us last night. Sometimes it is a struggle to adapt to a new environment. In the night, average temperature here is about 15-16 Celsius and for us Indonesians, that's enough for us to be called 'very cold'. That's why my friends got chilling this morning. Eventually, we went to the school for the second day practicum.

I am very glad because yesterday my mentor Ms Yanti asked me to lead the students morning devotion. So last night I prayed and prepared the reading for today's devotion. It's exciting for me personally because what is sweeter and deeper joy than to tell the students how The Lord has been very faithful and loving me and us? I read the Psalm 146:1-2 for my students:

"Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord O my soul.
I will praise the Lord all my life;
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live."

It's very good when I 'introduced' St. Anthony the Great and shared a little bit story of his life with the students and of course, also his instruction for us:

Someone asked Abba Anthony, ‘What must one do in order to please God?’ The old man replied, ‘Pay attention to what I tell you: Whoever you may be, always have God before your eyes. Whatever you do, do it according to the testimony of the Holy Scriptures. In whatever place you live, do not easily leave it. Keep these three precepts and you will be saved.’

(c.f. Orthodox resources web page).

So, I encouraged the students, and not only the students but myself to have the remembrance of God always in our hearts, to revere and fear Him and thus begin to learn to love Him; to keep seeing and focusing in Him and say: I have my Christ. He was crucified for me and so loves me.

Like myself, I know that my students and all of us are living in the corrupted world. It's no secret that teens nowadays, especially my students have to face such great challenges in their days either from substance abuse, pornography, etc. But it's no secret that God has planted eternity in their heart, a longing to Him and His Love, because they are created in His image. I pray that they could know and live the Orthodox faith even though may be it's started just by a little seeds in their hearts. Lord have mercy on us!

still from Sentul Hill with love,

Yudhie

1st day of teaching block: excited!

Today is the very first day of this teaching block season and for me this has been the second time to be in classrooms to teach the students mathematics. I met my mentor, Miss Yanti and arranged some appointments, schedules and some materials (I find this is very exciting to be a teacher so far)
When I met Miss Yanti, she was teaching grade 12 students about Social Arithmetic i.e. the algebra of costs. It is a pretty little class with some Chinese, Indonesian and mixed blood students (there are 6-7 students in a class), and my mentor is a very good teacher. She told me that she patiently rehearse the material until the students quite understand about the topic. In other words, she emphasize more on the mastery of learning rather than the covery of certain chapter, that is to make sure that the students understand instead of to cover a range of chapter x until chapter y.

And by the way, I would like to share my 'adventure' during my teaching experience with you through this blog, my beloved readers! I need always your prayers for strength, patience and love not only to teach but also to touch their lives through little things and in their learning so that they might come to glorify The Lord, and I believe you have been. However, realizing that I also have to make and keep a more academic reflective journal as a report of this practicum then I use this blog to express very simply what is in my mind and thus keeping this to be ethical.

I'll meet with my next mentor Ms Tisa soon! See you then!

Bogor, Buitenzorg: That starts again!

I remember last year I was in the teaching field experience week when I started this "heart beat" blog. It is here in SPH (Sekolah Pelita Harapan [transliteration in English: Light and Hope School]) Bukit Sentul, Bogor, West Java, Indonesia that I wrote my very first English writing in blog!

I always love to be among teens (although me myself is not really older than them) and helps them to learn Math, Language or even any Social Science. This occassion, I am given the opportunity to teach Grade 7 students Math and Language(Bahasa Indonesia) for three weeks under the guidance of my mentors: Ibu (Indonesian word for Ms ) Tisa and Ibu Yanti. For me personally, this has been the second time for me to be in this multicultural school and live with them in their dormitory.

This school is built in 1994 and uses the ib curriculum. The students here are from various nationalities, i.e. Thailand, The Philipines, Singapore, Korea, USA, etc. Thus, it will be challenging for me to communicate and teach them about local language to them so that they would be advanced in using the language. But, I am not quite sure if I will teach the mixed local-expatriate class or for local students only! But definitely it is very exciting!

Lord, have mercy! Glory to Thee for Thy Providence and Gracious helps for me. Let Thy will be done! May Thou help me to learn to love Thee always and love the students which Thou hast alloweth me to meet with, bless them O Lord! Amen.

long Wednesday!

There is no other day like Wednesday this semester. This day is the day of four classes all at once from 7 am to 7 pm with little break at lunch time (12 - 02 pm). Living under scholarships by God's providence through the sponsor is a very good opportunity for me personally. And one thing that I always praise the Lord especially is that this provides me such rich chances to be obedient and to learn to obedience under authorized leader. The schedule is one of them, thus I am recommended highly to follow each procedures and sets of courses which are available.

However, it is also not always easy to live under high expectation of an institution or sponsor. It needs commitment, perseverance and patience and even sometimes watchfulness for what we are doing. Indeed it is challenging and yet so interesting. And knowing that there are in many parts of that expectation is meant to be good for us, I am very encouraged to do my part as my responsibility toward Gracious Lord and my supporters. And realizing this, I ask for His mercy, because He is the source of all and Who faithfully strengthen and guide me, not so that I would be 'happy all the time' like what the world offers, but He always strengthens and guards me to follow Him and 'do what you see Him doing in you', because I really need His mercy always and always to work each reflective journal, portfolio, caring a friend and even to draw a single breath to glorify Him!

Yes, it is a long day and somehow can be a tiring one. And I surrender this unto Him the Master of all Who fills all things with Joy, because He has come down to our lowest reality, so humble and perfect and has delivered us from bondage of the enemy. He is the Victor beyond all the toils, troubles and sorrows and only in Him we will come to the Father. What a Joy it is that He reveals Himself to be Immanuel who accept and greatly loves us and pitch His tent among us and invite us to participate into His life! O, how amazing this news is really for an unworthy one like me! Lord, have mercy!

Now, Lord I plea unto Thee, cleanse my heart and grant me strength to follow Thee faithfully. Because Thou hast perfectly faithful unto Thy unworthy servant, grant me also O Lord that I might be faithful and without grumbling do what Thou hast entrusted to me. Behold Lord, my feeble hands, may Thou sustain and preserve me. Teach me to love Thee with all my life! Be mindful O Lord for those who has been so gracious and loving me sincerely and forgive and save those who do wrong to me! Let all days be Thy days of Glory! Amen.

love you more

Lord,
it is narrow... perfectly as narrow as Thou hast said
but it is so beautiful!
it is narrow and persuades me to be fixed unto Thee
Who is The Way
It is through this narrowness that Thou pull me to Thy Love!

It's suffering,
but it's full of Joy!
it is so amazing that through every single tear Thou teach me,
Thou teach us to love Thee!

Not me, but Thou Who have loved me so greatly
and even until now Thou alloweth all things in my days
to let me learn to love Thee!
To Love Thee with all my heart and with all my soul
and with all my mind and with all my strength

Yes, all!

Yet, Lord, whenever Thou asketh me
"Do you love me?"
I can't say a word but weep
"What can I say, Lord, Thou knowest all my unworthiness. Yes Lord, I love you!"
Forgive me my poor and unworthy love
Grant me to love Thee with all.
So, even when my enemies slaughter me, I would say: I love my Master because He has so greatly loved me!

Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy.
Through the prayers of Thy Most Beloved Mother and all the saints, have mercy on us!