I think at times that I need to learn enjoying the pain. Since it is always there and ready on its way. My instinctive and instant reaction toward anything unpleasant has made me swayed here and there. I need to learn accepting it joyfully and with grateful heart as a blessing and not as an annoyance. This is especially true when suddenly a down feeling comes out of blue and it pierces the heart like an arrow. I don't understand how and where does it come, but I come to realize that it can come anytime and can be so harmful. I need the mercy of the Lord to sustain my heart and to occupy myself with the thoughts that glorifying Him. Lord, have mercy!
And thus the next arrives the critical moment: a free choice given whether to be captivated by the dejection and despair, or to endure it silently; to be calm and patiently wait for the Lord. And honestly, this can be really hard. Lord, have mercy!
Yet, who can tell the joy, the great joy which the Lord bestows, the deliverance and help that the Lord gives to whomever voluntarily endure and wait for Him. This makes me to reflect that it is a love to accept everything the Lord allows in joy and peace, to ask for His mercy constantly and rely upon His Holy Will in dealing with every circumstances, including my own distracted emotions and mind. Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!
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"…a free choice given whether to be captivated by the dejection and despair, or to endure it silently; to be calm and patiently wait for the Lord. And honestly, this can be really hard."
ReplyDeleteYes, a free choice... always! And also, to accept all from the hand of God with "yes" and not rebel and try to protect oneself from God's hand. He is not our enemy, but sometimes we ourselves can be. This is why it is really hard, just as you say.
And with you I say, "Lord, have mercy!"
This morning I was thinking about something close to this... I had an infant son who died in his sleep, and so now when I see my infant daughter sleeping, often for a moment I imagine that she has also died -- and for that moment, there is terrible fear and pain. I have worked to turn these moments into a blessing, by turning to God. As soon as I feel that pain, I cross myself and say a prayer of thanksgiving that she has not died, that the Lord has given all of us another day. If we can turn our pain and the quiet sadnesses that overtake us into calls to prayer (like the bells of a monastery, signaling the turning of attention back to God), how much closer will we grow to God? Glory to God in the highest!
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