not in a hurry, more deliberate

It is in paying attention to the detail and small things then we learn to really care and to be present. The spirit of working in rush, or as quick as possible may have certain negative sides as we push ourselves so hard that we could also harm our soul. It is much better to work on the insignificant with patience, deligence with much love than accomplishing big tasks with grudge and restlessness. Most important of all, always be in the present of the Lord. Let us move in Him, walk in Him and have our being in Him while we have constant rememberance of His mercy, being grateful.

One concern might arise then, "So what about priority? Or target or goals that has been set for certain tasks that we must do? Isn't it a waste of time to stick on those small things, which could also delay or shaddow the more significant one?" Well, yes in one extreme that could be the case, but only in extreme manners. When we learn to love what we do, we simultaneously recognizes the parts that needs really careful attention. Thus we pour our care in such away that we would treat it like violin strings, moderately and harmonically -- not too much or too little.

In that part is our mindfulness be trained. We are being faithful with what might seem small things that the Lord entrusts us to do. We joyfully do our parts as if and it is indeed for the Lord, to please Him sincerely. Let us challenge ourselves in this blessed season to walk and work rather deliberately with care and great love, always giving spaces between time to refresh our rememberance of the Holy name with awe. Glory to God!

A very touching song...

... was made in 12th century by Rabi Avraham Even Ezra. The words are very simple, childlike yet have deep and poignant meaning resounding our relationship with The Lord. Here is the Hebrew version of the poem. The english translation follows after it.

לך אלי תשוקתי
בך חשקי ואהבתי
לך ליבי וכליותי
לך רוחי ונשמתי

לך אזעק
בך אדבק
עדי שובי לאדמתי
לְךָ אֲנִי בְּעוֹדִי חַי
וְאַף כִּי אַחֲרֵי מוֹתִי

השיבני ואשובה...
ותרצה את תשבותי....

לך ידי
לך רגלי
וממך היא תכונתי

לך עצמי,
לך דמי
ועורי עם גויתי.

To You my God, my passion,
On You my desire and my love,
To You belong my heart and my kidneys,
To You my spirit and my soul.

To You will I cry,
on You I will hold on,
Until I come to my true homeland...
I belong to You as long as I live,
and also after my death...

Help me come back and I will come back,
and welcome my remorse

To You my hands,
To You my legs,
and from You are my traits,
To You my bones ,
To You my blood,
and my skin with my corpse,

You can watch the video on youtube by clicking this link

get connected

Out there some people might feel unloved. Very so often what they need is a droplet of compassion to see that they are infact loved. Once one's heart realizes God's love and be surrounded by it, the person is overwhelmed with joy and thanksgiving. It is in the confidence of Lord's unconditional and ultimate love toward us, then we have no fear to love and make room for anybody, even to our enemies.

When we fail to see Lord's mercy which has been bestowed upon us, and thereby fail to have awe and fear before His greatness, our love toward others becomes cold. Acts of mercy and compassion would only be possible if we cling to the Lord, because it flows from the heart that is full of gratitude and amazement toward God's mighty work. Keeping our heart warm with the grace from the Holy and Life giving Spirit, we can be a healing presence for others. That is why it is essential for us to keep our mind pure and humble before the Lord not merely by being pious or religious but by being sincere in our repentance.

We are being invited to respond the Lord's indescribable love by saying yes to His Holy Will at any moment. We are created in love, through love and for love of Him. What is more glorious and joyous than being called His own inheritance? Having constant rememberance of Him before our eyes encouraged us to be connected to the Source of all that is good! Only in Him, because apart of Him we can do nothing.

Lots of time, the most difficult person to love is the one who is disconnected, isolated and hid himself in dishonesty. Wounds and disappointments can be so dominant in one's mind, that he mistrusts sincere love from his neighbour. Even in receiving mercy and love it is necessary to put off pride and self-preoccupation, what is more in giving. We need to humble ourselves to reach out and to embrace others, bestowing mercy and forgiveness to each other. Let's get connected, because that is the door of care and love.

facing it

I do not need to look for it. It is there. Everything is provided very sufficiently and for our good sake. Once or more I hit the point where the hurt is really diving inside, yet it is not for long. Everything that He allows is always worth it to be grateful for. Yes, even in the darkest and unimaginable moment, His love is sovereign!

Never have I imagined that I come across this locus. In the edge of life's peninsula, where the struggle is not only day by day but even more than that each minute. Keep thinking and pondering upon it, I have to confess that I can do nothing apart from Him. Sometimes the thought to withdraw and hide from the battlefield sneaking into mind, but then my heart says, "Be still and wait for the Lord! He is faithful!"

I cry out though sometimes in my heart, what is this all about? For it is surely a torment for comfort zone! Very especially when it feels like anything that naturally I am and I do --suddenly becomes a mistake to be mend. Yet, thanks for all these challenges which inevitably crushes my stony heart, feeling of self-sufficiency and imaginary contentment. I am trained to fight in the battlefield. Not against anybody, but against my own pride and immaturity.

Glory to You, O God! Glory to You

It is simple

Today I reflect on how simple life is and it would be better to be kept this way. It is as simple as the blowing wind, the blossoming flowers and the chanting of the birds. Stillness in every step and smile, accepting everything and give it back with open hands. When it is sweet, just say it calmly, "this is sweet" and when the scorching thrist comes, just say, "I am thirsty." It is that simple, calm without prejudice. Behind most of complex and unnecessary thoughts is worry and fear. In this glasses of worry and fear, then beauty seemed like blur. In simple mind, even little thing is beautiful.

So glad that at least I talked to others today, thank God, listened to beautiful Turkish music and traveled around Jakarta. Yet wait, it is not how many events that I can experience today or how many people that come and entertain me matters, it is as much as I am being present in those little tiny moments, that what really matters. It is not the feeling or sensation not even experience which is rewarding. Life itself is the reward.

It is not about seeking comfort or instant gratification, because I realize that my emotions, moods, etc are not reliable and quickly changes. But it is about being still and seeing things in prespective. But whose perspective and in what? It is perspective in the belief that the Lord is beautiful and He creates everything beautifully.

Thanks

This week my mood a little bit changed. I do not really know what has happened to me, but I feel one thing for certain that I feel more relaxed toward thing. Well, it is not very far from pacifying 'que sera sera' or non-atachments toward what happens, but not exactly that. It is a gift, something given and not from myself. It's like when worries becomes last option in a journey. My mind has been so familiar with this one: worries! Yet I think it is a good idea to get familiar with other way of mind: being thankful.
My attachments toward comfort and sometimes pleasure makes my thinking unfair at times. I love anything tasty but avoid anything sour. It is time for me to embrace both. This is a challenge but why not? I would love it.
Being brave and calm is the one that my state yearns for. By brave here I mean, being myself and abiding in the things that the Lord wants me to be. While calm means being unshakable and still. This is an art and the main course for this art is gratitude.
Sometimes I ask myself... Hm, OK, but thankful to whom and for what? And the answer is the first and foremost to the Lord! He is good and His love endures forever. Just pondering on this short but beautiful line makes my heart want to thank Him: He is good and His love endures forever. What can be more amazing than that? Second to those people who cares of us and deal with us in grace. Then, to our friends and enemies. Simply thank everybody! Because they have helped us to shape us! For what? For everything! :)

Voluntary Obedience

I come to the glance that more can be learned in stillness. But what kind of stillness? Mind moves in each seconds with many thoughts and pictures. Thus if stillness or silence means pause between words, it might not be a truest silence. After listening to one of the podcast of lectures from Metropolitan Kalistos Ware, I am reminded that true stillness is the awareness of God's presence, which one of the way is through Jesus prayer. However, this process is not instant. It's very dynamic and need persistence or even perseverance.

Living in city with many demanding tasks and distractions externally, sometimes can be real challenge to have a habit of stillness. When given by many tasks and instructions I become overwhelmed but when the day is less demanding and seems nothing to do, I become bored. Both of these cases, I find to be critical and even dangerous, since it can be the weakest point where the temptations could easily slip in and in very short time, losing control.

Stillness is the way of coming into the present moment here and now. While learning to take off our self-preoccupations, we keep our minds to be focused on the invocation of the Holy Name. Indeed, in silence we have to face with our inner self and be honest of what we are. Sometimes it passes through some painful sense of admitting loneliness and all the kinds of inconvenience. But I even thankful for that because then it tells me so profoundly how it is to be in a state of turning away from God's sweetest and deepest love... That we need Him, our source and truest joy until the day we die, be resurrected and beyond!

This brings us ardent actions of faith. Whatever befalls us, we then know exactly that God is working in us for His glory. We come to our sense. Life is no more measured by painful or pleasant, easy or difficult, lonely or crowded, but beyond that, that life is about voluntary obedience to Our Beloved Lord who knows where we are to go! It may passes through roses garden at times and thorns and slippery paths at the other. But one thing is for sure that His path is light and truth, and we can not walk but in it! Glory to the Lord!