Grateful heart for a Christmas

In One Christmas this year,

I am just keep silent, Lord, I beg you for your mercy and give a peace to my soul. I dunno what I feel in this Christmas season, I hope I will be happy. But if I am allowed to be honest as a human kind, I am really sorry now. It seems that I am so despised. I didn't have good contact with my sister and my parent. Inside my heart I so want to call them, chat and make a nice conversation with them, but I dunno until I realized that my relationship with my own family is being so cold.

My Dear Father used to not really have communication with me, yes and I can understand that because we're not used to be in one home since I was an infant. May be I can count how much I met with my father (7 times?). Does he really worry and think about my life and my future right now?I answer, I am not sure.

I lived with my sorrowing mother, a really weak and gentle lady who had done so many great things to my life. In her loneliness, broken heart and weaknesses she provided me with unchangeable love of a mother. I really thank you, Mom. Although now, only your name remain with me in my life. I just remmember how your smile in the Christmas was like a diamond in the center of the dark earth. I am so sorry had made you cried so often and your life was being burdened because of me. I am so sorry Mom, will you see me again one day? I have now grown be a man, yet what does it mean with no one mother values me, I was desolated!

My Dear sister who also has to strive and struggle so hard to survive. A girl-now a Woman with such hard live and dream now has an infant and a husband. I know that she has been to busy and to hard live with her family there. But she also has to afford my life since I am still a student and I need some money from her restless work. Sorry my sister, for making your life even harder because I cling to you and your family. I really miss you since I was so rare to meet you in whole my life time. I remmembered how I really joyful when I was waiting for your letter and phone call when you are in University, and yet we've never been in one home for a mean time. I just pray for you, my sister so that God sustains you and I dunno what to say for your restless work, your tears and prayers to your unworthy brother like me. Thank you.

I do understand why father, sister why you didn't call me. I do, but I just want to pray that at least you can have a calm and peace Christmas and I will trust God to watching for my life. Don't worry about me. Although sometimes in my unstability, I sometimes cried for my lackness in emotional, financial and this hard living, but at least I can smile when I remmeber that in the back of this coin I can find the ultimate picture of Love, wonderful God who sustains us every single second. If I have enough for call you, I will try to make closer connection and warmer realtionship with you, my beloved family.

Christos Genathe,

Doxa Sate!