Back to simplicity

To live life as it is. That has been a motto which colored my life so far. Whenever I started to dreaming so lofty and high, I quickly remind myself that it is enough and everything that God has given me has been so abundant. Some of the signs that I am being neglectful are that I start being touchy, grumbling and complaining about many things. The problem is often not in those external things beyond my control, but here inside, in the state of the heart.

This is what I constantly ask the Lord, to grant me His mercy so that I realize to see my lowly state and to slowly mold my hardened heart, a heart which is blinded by fear, gluttony and ignorance.

Vanity can be a great stumbling block in the spiritual maturity. But one thing which I remember from what the Holy Fathers said, 'always take the lowest place...' and 'joyfully receive everything the Lord sent'. Lord, have mercy!
This has been my pitfall, a desire to be seen as good and important, even though in reality I am not what is more by my own strength. It's always tempting to be the brightest star of all, the highest one, to be the best. But I am what God said I am and that's all, may it be my gladness.

To live life as it is, not to see and compare it with others... But to live it as He Who gives the Life wants me to live. Lord, have mercy! Keep my heart O Lord and help me, when I think I am worthy enough to receive Your mercy; when I think I have rights to choose and to have, when I think that this universe is for me... Remind me that all is Yours and for Your glory!

What dream, a high dream
meaningless, meaningless
wants and desires
thirst and hunger
the higher the dream, the more lacking
all I want is to be with You, my Lord
but how unworthy your servant is
so place me wherever Your love desires
and for me to be happy in the lowest place
Ameyn!

Being Watchful

My Mathematics teacher once told me to keep doing the exercises after I got his explanations both in the classroom and at home. By getting familiar with the variations of the questions and problems, a student than might be able to master the topic well. With diligence and eagerness in practicing, the student will have a clear picture when they are given the exam questions to do. One of the factors which I observe involved in this process is the anticipation of the student. The student is able to anticipate various pitfalls and variations in the problems, even when it's in high level.

When I reflect on this, I can see that it's absolutely important to be mindful and attentive toward the Lord in this life. Only in Him and His commandments is the true light found to face many pitfalls in our days. Just like a student who learns and patiently gives attention to what he's doing and discerns the knowledge, he thus will be able to anticipate the pitfalls and various forms of obstacles in the problems. Being watchful is an important part of this attentiveness.

"Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong..." 1 Cor. 16:15.

It's very important for us to have our days being filled with the truth from the Holy Scriptures, not partly, let it be in the Lord's mercy, wholly both in mind and mouth and heart. For it is out of his heart man brings forth the treasures of actions, so let our heart being vessel of Lord's grace, a living scroll.

I personally find that morning is such a beautiful moment to be silent and receiving blessings from the Holy Scriptures. Yet, honestly when I had hurried morning, it would be hard to have that beautiful moment, yet the alternative is to read an excellent blog consisting the Scripture reading from Abbot Tryphon, "The Morning Offering", which you may also click on this blog's side bar.

At some cases, the rest of the day could be great as well. Just like my beloved Dad used to say, "just catch the moment and be attentive." It would be very great for us to taste how sweet and refreshing the words of God are for our souls. I really pray that we can have such blessing from the Lord to listen and live the Holy commandments because He is our God!

Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!

For the Love's sake

I really need to learn more and more to endure and be patient. Thank the Lord for the opportunity to see my own failures and mistakes to learn. Deep in my heart I ask the Lord to grant me peace and patience to endure all things which He allows to happen. But practically, I am still learning very poorly. Lord, have mercy!

In life, the circumstances may change and at times it changes very rapidly. The clouds and the stars appear and disappear from our sight. I really pray to God to grant me patience and humility to face everyday and may His name be glorified forever! I want to sing His praises and be with Him both in the brightest morning when the birds chant and in the darkest stormy night when the thunders hitting the trees.

Lord, let it be.... For You yourself had endured so many things and suffered for us in Love. Grant me also O Lord to leave my comfort and childish likes and dislikes, to be moderate in walking in this dessert, to look and greet all those whom You sent in peace! Your mercy and faithfulness, your staff and rod, they comforted me!

Yahweh is my shepherd.
I lack nothing.

In meadows of green grass he lets me lie.
To the waters of repose he leads me;
there he revives my soul.

He guides me by paths of virtue
for the sake of his name.

Though I pass through a gloomy valley,
I fear no harm;
beside me your rod and your staff
are there, to hearten me.

You prepare a table before me
under the eyes of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil,
my cup brims over.

Ah, how goodness and kindness pursue me,
every day of my life;
my home, the house of Yahweh,
as long as I live!

Psalm 23 -Jerusalem Bible

He is faithful...

I am very grateful today since once again I am refreshed and reminded that The Lord knows very well how to comfort His servants. Yes, even though I am an unworthy servant of His but His Love and Faithfulness are beyond what I can describe.
I had a rough time recently, being busy, tired and then got a severe anxiety. It's like I want to take control immediately of the things I am dealing with so that I could simply enjoy the moment. Yet the more I tried to do so, the further joy and peace flew from my heart. When I think I must change the external circumstances to be happy, when I want to be satisfied immediately with attentions and the service of others it means I have been side-tracked by my self-centeredness. Lord, have mercy! How easy it is for me to be trapped in the midst of the mirage of worldly cares! One thing is needful that is to listen to the Lord very faithfully and keep our minds and hearts in remembrance of Him.

Whenever the works and all the emotional traits demand from us more than it should be, it's time to pull ourselves out and attend to the most needful thing for us: the remembrance of the Lord. I'd been really tempted to deal with many cares which actually not only non-beneficial but also harmful to my soul. The Lord is always faithful and patient.

He knows exactly how timid and distractive I am, yet in His mercy He reach out His hands for me to grab. He is a Father who is very easy to be pleased but really hard to be satisfied, since He wants everyone of us be perfect like He is. It's always great to remember to lay our cares and even the very we are unto Him and He will give us His yoke which is light and brings unspeakable peace. He is gentle and humble in heart, let's learn from Him, even trust Him in everything! His Love is pure and sincere.

Lord, May Your will be done in every moments in my life. Through all things which You send, give my heart peace and gladness to welcome them and rejoice in You. Because I live in You and I am yours, save me! For everyone who loves, rejoices, and open their hands in love, bless them. For those who dislikes, mistrust and misunderstand.. Grant them mercy! For you are the Lord of all, the Merciful Master, the Lover of Mankind both now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen.

In His Faithful Hands

God's mercy is abundant indeed. In his faithfulness He strengthens and refreshes us. He touches our lives to lift our minds from the mud of worries and keeping us from drowning into the sea of despair. I have to admit that it's very easy for me to look unto myself more than I should. And when I reflect on this, I know that I constantly needs His strength and mercy to heal me through whatever means He wants.

It's pleasant when our friends and those who near us think positively about us. And many times that's what I want: to be perceived as good, accountable and right. What I really need to grasp is that that's not necessarily the case in reality, it can be -at anytime- be quite the opposite. Then I remembered what my lovely friend in Christ saying this, echoing the Holy Scripture: Love is freely given. Love doesn't choke and doesn't control others... How I need to let my beloved brothers and sisters be free to interpret who I am; to honestly say what they think of me regardless its 'objective' validity. Sometimes it's not an easy thing for me to simply accept what they might think about me and there's an urge to defend "hey, would you clarify that I am like this, this, blah, blah"! Lord, have mercy!

The Lord is faithful! He is my strength and in Him my soul finds rest and peace. It is His hands which work wisely and timely in every single day of our lives to work what is good, noble and holy in us. Yes, even when something seemed for us to be bent, broken or not as what we want. He patiently works in us and sanctify us into His likeness when He allows these things to reach us. When somebody said harsh thing about us, let it be to keep us from vicious vanity. When somebody thinks badly about us, let's bring him into Lord's mercy and pray for them. When somebody unfortunately forced us to do something and tied us to please him, as long as it's not against God, let's do it joyfully to make our body and soul be humble and pleasing unto God. When being cursed, let's fill our heart and mind with blessings. The Lord knows everything and He is merciful... lest these things which come to us to sanctify us be a stumbling block for us to rejoice in the Lord... And being in this circumstance, we'll see clearer, Who is our Master.

We are what God said we are... and that's what I trust, and always remember that we are Christ's. When we see Christ constantly and make Him our only Joy, we will have great shalom to participate in the Life and Love of Most Holy Trinity and all the saints, in His mercy we'll have the courage to embrace and love our neighbors, overlooking others' weaknesses and hatred... Our life is hidden with Christ in God. So, let's welcome everything which come to us in peace and joy, trusting that the Lord is faithful and His Spirit will guide us in wisdom and make us more Christ-like. Glory to Thee O God! Glory to Thee!