Back to simplicity

To live life as it is. That has been a motto which colored my life so far. Whenever I started to dreaming so lofty and high, I quickly remind myself that it is enough and everything that God has given me has been so abundant. Some of the signs that I am being neglectful are that I start being touchy, grumbling and complaining about many things. The problem is often not in those external things beyond my control, but here inside, in the state of the heart.

This is what I constantly ask the Lord, to grant me His mercy so that I realize to see my lowly state and to slowly mold my hardened heart, a heart which is blinded by fear, gluttony and ignorance.

Vanity can be a great stumbling block in the spiritual maturity. But one thing which I remember from what the Holy Fathers said, 'always take the lowest place...' and 'joyfully receive everything the Lord sent'. Lord, have mercy!
This has been my pitfall, a desire to be seen as good and important, even though in reality I am not what is more by my own strength. It's always tempting to be the brightest star of all, the highest one, to be the best. But I am what God said I am and that's all, may it be my gladness.

To live life as it is, not to see and compare it with others... But to live it as He Who gives the Life wants me to live. Lord, have mercy! Keep my heart O Lord and help me, when I think I am worthy enough to receive Your mercy; when I think I have rights to choose and to have, when I think that this universe is for me... Remind me that all is Yours and for Your glory!

What dream, a high dream
meaningless, meaningless
wants and desires
thirst and hunger
the higher the dream, the more lacking
all I want is to be with You, my Lord
but how unworthy your servant is
so place me wherever Your love desires
and for me to be happy in the lowest place
Ameyn!