Voluntary Obedience

I come to the glance that more can be learned in stillness. But what kind of stillness? Mind moves in each seconds with many thoughts and pictures. Thus if stillness or silence means pause between words, it might not be a truest silence. After listening to one of the podcast of lectures from Metropolitan Kalistos Ware, I am reminded that true stillness is the awareness of God's presence, which one of the way is through Jesus prayer. However, this process is not instant. It's very dynamic and need persistence or even perseverance.

Living in city with many demanding tasks and distractions externally, sometimes can be real challenge to have a habit of stillness. When given by many tasks and instructions I become overwhelmed but when the day is less demanding and seems nothing to do, I become bored. Both of these cases, I find to be critical and even dangerous, since it can be the weakest point where the temptations could easily slip in and in very short time, losing control.

Stillness is the way of coming into the present moment here and now. While learning to take off our self-preoccupations, we keep our minds to be focused on the invocation of the Holy Name. Indeed, in silence we have to face with our inner self and be honest of what we are. Sometimes it passes through some painful sense of admitting loneliness and all the kinds of inconvenience. But I even thankful for that because then it tells me so profoundly how it is to be in a state of turning away from God's sweetest and deepest love... That we need Him, our source and truest joy until the day we die, be resurrected and beyond!

This brings us ardent actions of faith. Whatever befalls us, we then know exactly that God is working in us for His glory. We come to our sense. Life is no more measured by painful or pleasant, easy or difficult, lonely or crowded, but beyond that, that life is about voluntary obedience to Our Beloved Lord who knows where we are to go! It may passes through roses garden at times and thorns and slippery paths at the other. But one thing is for sure that His path is light and truth, and we can not walk but in it! Glory to the Lord!

anticipation

After taking some seconds to pause and to contemplate how unique was [and is] each encounter which happened today, I am interested in the way we connect with each other through our energies. At school where I inevitably come into face-to-face interactions with the students, many experience can fill my interpersonal treasury box. I am grateful to the Lord for this bountiful opportunity. Deep in my heart, I really long such a loving encounters with others, where I can greet every person that the Lord sends me with peace of mind and joyful heart. But, I must confess that sometimes it is my occupied and distracted mind that bring me into resentment and agitation. Lord, have mercy! May Thou grantest me the inner peace, so that I can see clearly Thy visitation through others and may I become Thy vessel of love and mercy for Thy glory.

Lord, Thy love is so radiant and warms my heart and mind. Glory to Thee, O Lord. With a heart that lifted up in the trust of Thy faithfulness, my breath and songs of my soul praises Thee. It is by Thy unfailing love that Thou hast give me this trust of watching and caring for your little sons and daughters. I am still learning and learning to keep my eyes on Thee while leading them on the path that Thou hast shown us.

One thing that I realize today is that potential problem may come anytime. It might come so suddenly that it is like waking me up with clacks. I have been acting unwisely by avoiding trouble the best I can and yet left it unwatched. Then I found that it is better to observe them carefully, to acknowledge that potential problem and to anticipate those attacks when they come with dignity and power from the Lord by responding in godly way. I am speaking this in terms of the occurrences at classroom and in other hours of the day. In everything, may the Lord be praised. I am His since He is my Lord.

warmth in heart

Very honestly, works and plenty of cares that I deal with, bring me into such a hectic mannerism. I keep thinking of 'what could come next', a bit of anxiety. One file out and another in, to me feels like something endless, perhaps because this kind of circumstance is quite new for me. Thus I think of this as a time to adjust myself in order to respond positively and even gratefully whatever might come, because the Lord's love is everywhere present. Glory to God.

One thing that I plea to God is that He may grant me the remembrance of His wondrous acts and genuine love through out my days. Sometimes it is not easy for me in my weaknesses to keep focused on His holy name and to be in his presence while other things seem really demanding immediate attention. Lord, have mercy! I am still in the process of learning that prayer comes with the work and the work with prayers. Toils sometimes can wear me out, but knowing it as a path of joy and abiding in Him, my heart is so much comforted. O how sweet is Thy presence, Lord Jesus Christ!

When morning comes, may my heart be instantly tuned to His radiant countenance. In every step, when affliction, temptation and passions comes on the way, may Thy sweet name, Thy invincible protection be my consolation. How gladsome it is to be surrounded by the love and companionship of Thy holy ones. Through the prayers of Holy Theotokos and all the saints have mercy on us and save us. Ameyn!

as content as....

it is a simple beauty
of seeing and not seeing
of inhaling and exhaling
to stay still in the shaddow of a tree
and be content with the present

receiving mockings as calm and joyful as hearing praise
throwing as gathering
sowing as reaping
working as resting
how beautiful
how peacefull

no hurt only feeling
no effort only mindfulness
no attachment only embrace
in a little tiny smile

the way of nature

in the silence
genuine acceptance
living it as it is
flowing and glowing
slowly and gently

even when cluster of water moves upward
it shall eventually fall to the ground
and it will be so

accept all things with joy
be it toil or rest
be it sadness or joy
they come as good
and the goodness beyond measure
only let it flow and glow
in a smile

desires and wants makes things blur
shaky in the unstable plate
only receive it and be spacious

in the calmness of the waving leaves

let the story flow like the wind under the clouds
behold the tiny flower stare at the glistening dew droplets
all around the green grass spread around the stream

Birds sing, little creatures follow along
in the same wind under the same clouds
the rays of sun beam and warm the air
letting these beauty move and resonate
and the fragrance of the tiny flowers fills the soul

constant praise to the Lord

There is no other thing which could make a day so lively and full of joy, but being in constant remembrance of God's kindness and mercy. Without this, what can we expect from the misery and harshness of the days? Simply to remember His sweetest name is the joy and gladness of the universe, what is more to give Him constant adoration and praise from the pure heart and mind. When we cling on Him continually, we are being transformed into His likeness. It is in dwelling in Him, our soul finds its rest and consolation.

Let's set aside all the worldly cares and unnecessary thoughts. Lest our souls be distracted by what is not needful. Those things can cloud our minds and we can't see clearly the good things that the Lord is bestowing in our ways as the lover of Mankind. Unless our heart and mind are peaceful and meek, we can not be in peace with others, and we do not have peaceful days. No matter what comes to our way, be constantly thankful to Him who is ever good God. Trust in Him and unceasingly whisper the sweet praise to Him in your heart.

Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!

two golden wings

Step your feet on the warm sands
stopping the stare at the mirage, that empty beauty
run into the source of the true spring
even though it is as though a trap

walk silently to keep the water inside
follow the little creatures walk
they would bring you to that little tiny water
as the sun burns
its rays scorch the outer skins of hands and lips

go straight looking what is ahead
only silently, without grumbling
use your two golden wings
of modesty and perseverance
and everything is going to be as it is

active again! :)

There is a time when everything becomes quiet and serene externally, but the soul feels restless. That is what I experience this holiday season. Sudden gap between so hectic day and day of nothing-to-do was so poignant. But nothing to worry, really. It just needs a little bit adjustment. Everything eventually will be like God wills.

Being intensively introvert, sometimes I feel somehow selfish and self-centered. Lord, have mercy. I need to continually realize that this life is a gift and the world is not revolving around me. But everything tells a great story of Him and His unfailing love. I am just a very little part among so many generations and even among all in the universe, which makes me too much to say that I am insignificant for I am anonymous.

I want to come back to my silent and reflective nature. I want to write a little story about this life and what my heart beats for. It consists of anything: sadness, joy, anguish, laughter, smile. And everything is good and beautiful. It will not be easy though, since I have to fight my laziness and limited mind to do all this. Let it be, let it be.

Lord, help!

I think it's time...

to make something new. But unfortunately, this blog will not be continued. My prayers for my beloved visitors and guests. Love you all. However, I started a new messy and personal blog here, only if it doesn't waste your precious time :D!

Christ is with us!

Yudhie

accept it with joy

I think at times that I need to learn enjoying the pain. Since it is always there and ready on its way. My instinctive and instant reaction toward anything unpleasant has made me swayed here and there. I need to learn accepting it joyfully and with grateful heart as a blessing and not as an annoyance. This is especially true when suddenly a down feeling comes out of blue and it pierces the heart like an arrow. I don't understand how and where does it come, but I come to realize that it can come anytime and can be so harmful. I need the mercy of the Lord to sustain my heart and to occupy myself with the thoughts that glorifying Him. Lord, have mercy!

And thus the next arrives the critical moment: a free choice given whether to be captivated by the dejection and despair, or to endure it silently; to be calm and patiently wait for the Lord. And honestly, this can be really hard. Lord, have mercy!

Yet, who can tell the joy, the great joy which the Lord bestows, the deliverance and help that the Lord gives to whomever voluntarily endure and wait for Him. This makes me to reflect that it is a love to accept everything the Lord allows in joy and peace, to ask for His mercy constantly and rely upon His Holy Will in dealing with every circumstances, including my own distracted emotions and mind. Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!

it's joy

What a solemn and peaceful morning it has been. Praise the Lord for the new day He allows me to enjoy in His mercy. Since last night one sweet contemplation keep flowing in my mind, and that is the fact that the universe and all creation, humankind and even me myself is created through Christ, by Him and in Him and for Him in His great love. It really makes my heart rejoices since it leads me to further gladsome reflection that God out of His love toward His Only Begotten Son made the whole creation through Him and for Him to be His, to be His bride, to be the epiphany of His glory - as Fr Thomas Hopko put it very beautifully in his ancientfaith podcast. Thus all existence; human existence; and yes, my existence- exist toward Him. He loves us with such great, unconditional, and unshakable love throughout the ages to the point that He came down to us in humility, reached the lowest depth of our misery, suffered and crucified for us and for our salvation, and now He raised and sits on the right hand of the Father, as the God-Man glorified! Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!

How joyous for the soul it is, that Our Lord and Master, the Lover of Mankind really loves us. He is ever-good God. This is the truth and in this truth we know that we are to abide in Him, because only in Him we can bear the fruit and outside of Him we can do nothing. Praised be the name of the Lord!

With that in my heart and mind, I woke up and proceeded my steps to the icon corner; with that warmth in my soul. My heart sings, "I am created for Him and His glory". As I looked on the radiant icon of my Lord and kissed it reverently, I can not help but joyfully adore Him in my heart. Christ the Lord is my Joy and my Light, in Him is Life and Hope! Lord, may You keep my heart and mind - my whole life for You as long as I live, since in You I put my trust! Blessed are you O Lord, teach me Your Holy Commandments! O, Holy Spirit, come and dwell in us and cleanse us by Your Grace. Raise us up when we fall and grant us repentance to glorify Your power and majesty!
Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, both now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen!

to stay focus

It's funny to realize at times that the distractions seem more stand out than the main task, even sounds more interesting and pleasant. As for me now a college student, to continue my final paper get me to think hard. To stay focus and do what I really need to do can become a challenging thing really. Yet, in the other side of this coin, I can see a good opportunity to really put the understanding into practice, especially in the matter of self-control. Surely I cannot deal with it totally with my own will. It's all only possible with His blessing to act. I sure need to practice to be faithful in the little things and keeps my mind simple so that the worries wouldn't creep in and be discouraged.

It's really tempting to choose the easy and short way and to get gratifications right away. But I really want to focus on the things that is being trusted to me in the moment. I really pray at least I am granted the patience and strength to faithfully do my task before anything else. How rewarding it is if at least I can do a line or two to add to my final paper today!

As today is so bright and sunny in contrast with the wet days last months and this month occasionally. I think it would be good for me to take a walk for awhile, meeting with some friends and talk to them for a while before continuing working with computer. Lord, bless!

Time to start again!

Here it comes the new year, praise the Lord! Many good things the Lord had granted me in the past year and I am grateful for all of them. I have to admit that I had not been in a very easy time last year but in His faithfulness, He keeps and guards His little servant until this day. The dorm is still very silent until today one of my friends, Jaya came back!
I really pray that in this new year, I am granted wisdom to go the Lord's way and my eyes to be fixed on Him always. My humble prayers for you, my friends and readers so that He may bless you abundantly! Thanks for your kind visit.

And I am thinking of what is this blog about! Well, honestly it started as a simple daily jotting - as simple as it is- there are even my class notes I put here and there. If I am to find a word to describe this blog; it is a story. A humble and day to day story of His faithfulness to his little servant. Sometimes it goes as personal perspectives and or non-intellectual ramblings. So, forgive me if I have had anything inappropriate.

Glory to God for all things! For all the days he's giving. For friends and loving families! For the things waiting ahead. He is good! His mercy endures forever! Ameyn!