Gaze at You...

My elders taught me, when I was a youth, to cling to heaven and earth, lest I stumble. For a long time I remained a child, and for a long time I used to lean on the crutch that they gave me.

But once eternity flooded through me and I felt like a stranger in the world, heaven and earth snapped in two in my hands like a frail reed.

O Lord, my strength, how frail are heaven and earth! They look like palaces built of lead, but they evaporate like water in the palm of the hand in Your presence. Only by their bristling do they conceal their frailty, and frighten uneducated children.

Get out of my sight, suns and stars. Sunder yourselves from the earth. Do not entice me, women and friends. What help can I receive from you, who are helplessly growing old and sinking into the grave?

All your gifts are an apple with a worm in its core. All your potions have passed through someone's entrails many times. Your garments are a cobweb that my nakedness mocks. Your smiles are a proclamation of sorrow, in which your feebleness is screaming to mine for help.

O Lord, my strength, how feeble heaven and earth are! And all the evil that men do under heaven is an admission of feebleness and—infirmity.

Only someone strong dares to do good. Only someone who is nourished and watered with You, my strength, is filled with strength for goodness.

Only someone who sleeps in Your heart knows rest. Only someone who plows before Your feet will enjoy the fruit of his labors.

My childhood, nourished with fear and ignorance, came to an end; and my hope in heaven and earth vanished.

Now I only gaze at You and cling to Your gaze in return, O my cradle and my resurrection.

St. Nikolai Velimirovich, Prayers by the Lake:IV
c.f. FOCUS UNSW blog

Holy is God!

The Lord reigns
He is mighty and wondrous
let all the nations and peoples
and all creation tremble
Even though I am crushed
and enemies oppressed me
The Lord reigns
His power never fails, stronger than death
Blessed be His name, now and always

The Lord reigns
let His servants rejoice
and bend their knees and hearts
beholding His glory and kissing His Holy Feet
so fragrant, so great
He shines, much brighter than sun

His greatness in Love, His greatness in Mercy
His greatness in Humility, His greatness in Gentleness
Great is the Lord!

He loves justice
and caring for the oppressed
He uplifts one and humbles the other
in each step, in each word, in each deed
Great is He and His love endures forever

His Mercy is abundant
O, Israel open your mouth that the Lord might fill with it
He remembers his covenant and be mindful of His beloved's weaknesses
He forgives and with His astonishing grace He wrapped your wounds
Set your hearts, minds, strength upon His Great Countenance,
Joyfully listen to and follow Him and abide in His commandments
Let His love heal you and purify you
because He is good!

Holy, Holy, Holy is The Lord God!

Near Thee

In the dawn I woke up because I would have the Calculus exam soon this morning. The subject is not very easy and I could be very anxious about it, especially during the exam week. My mind can be so burdened and it's the time when all the anxiety, fear and sighs came together and made me very nervous and wanted to escape. Yet, this is the reality, inevitably, I dealt with it, with Lord's mercy.

At times, I was struck by the feeling of incompetence, unworthiness, incapability, uselessness, etc. And in fact, I wonder why such feelings are still striking for me? It's been so true in me and I don't need to defense, nothing surprising at all. Yes, I am unworthy and I can't rely on my own strength and understanding, it's my part to trust the Lord and only listen what He says which always true.

I took a special time to stand before the holy icons of the Lord and His Saints, kissing them reverently and said my prayers. In my heart, I cried

"Lord, behold your incapable and feeble servant
May Thou not be ashamed of my unworthiness
Too many things I did were very poor
and I dare not to look up and see the richness of your glory

I flee unto Thee, Who art mighty and strong
and adoring Thy unconditional Love
May the heart of Thy servant be filled with the praise of Thy amazing Love
Too great and wonderful for me to utter

As I step into the fierce warfare today
I know my weakness, my feet are tremble
so easy for me to fall and be crushed

Lord, this I plea
Be Thou near me
because only in Thee my heart calm
and may Thou givest me wisdom

Near Thee, Near Thee
When Thou put me behind
let me follow Thee ardently and joyfully
When Thou put me before Thee
let me kneel and bow reverently
When Thou art in my side
give me strength and courage
to be crucified with Thee

Lord, this I plea
to be near with Thee
wherever Thou wants
and follow Thee until the end

In the golden ray of dawn
in the warmth of morning sun
in the heat of day light
in the rain and in the storm
in the darkest time
be with me, Lord and never let me alone

Glory to Thee, O God! Glory to Thee
Let me put my trust in Thee for Thou art my God!
Amen!

Sane Michael

I love this poem from brother Romanos' Blog since I saw it for the first time. Here is the complete quote which I take from here:

Talk boldly
when you gotta speak, my son.
Walk slowly
like you don’t know how to run.
Hear wholly
when you wanna hear at all.
Fear only
what you know’ll make you fall.

‘Cause there’s a lotta people out there
wanna make a man outta you
in the wrong way.
But listen to me, please,
I’m on your side,
listen to what I’m trying to say—

Be a glove on the right hand
of your father, your only father.
Let him slip you on without a hitch
like a perfect fit.
In everything he has a mind to do
you’ll have a place of honor
and satisfaction that you really
had a part in it.

Think cleanly
through each knot of tangled lore.
Drink deeply
if you wanna drink some more.
Hook freely
on to someone’s charity.
Look really
when there’s something there to see.

— Romanós