Near Thee

In the dawn I woke up because I would have the Calculus exam soon this morning. The subject is not very easy and I could be very anxious about it, especially during the exam week. My mind can be so burdened and it's the time when all the anxiety, fear and sighs came together and made me very nervous and wanted to escape. Yet, this is the reality, inevitably, I dealt with it, with Lord's mercy.

At times, I was struck by the feeling of incompetence, unworthiness, incapability, uselessness, etc. And in fact, I wonder why such feelings are still striking for me? It's been so true in me and I don't need to defense, nothing surprising at all. Yes, I am unworthy and I can't rely on my own strength and understanding, it's my part to trust the Lord and only listen what He says which always true.

I took a special time to stand before the holy icons of the Lord and His Saints, kissing them reverently and said my prayers. In my heart, I cried

"Lord, behold your incapable and feeble servant
May Thou not be ashamed of my unworthiness
Too many things I did were very poor
and I dare not to look up and see the richness of your glory

I flee unto Thee, Who art mighty and strong
and adoring Thy unconditional Love
May the heart of Thy servant be filled with the praise of Thy amazing Love
Too great and wonderful for me to utter

As I step into the fierce warfare today
I know my weakness, my feet are tremble
so easy for me to fall and be crushed

Lord, this I plea
Be Thou near me
because only in Thee my heart calm
and may Thou givest me wisdom

Near Thee, Near Thee
When Thou put me behind
let me follow Thee ardently and joyfully
When Thou put me before Thee
let me kneel and bow reverently
When Thou art in my side
give me strength and courage
to be crucified with Thee

Lord, this I plea
to be near with Thee
wherever Thou wants
and follow Thee until the end

In the golden ray of dawn
in the warmth of morning sun
in the heat of day light
in the rain and in the storm
in the darkest time
be with me, Lord and never let me alone

Glory to Thee, O God! Glory to Thee
Let me put my trust in Thee for Thou art my God!
Amen!