So far, this has been so great, great experience to be in Lippo Village, Tangerang. I got more that what I asked to the Lord, thank you Lord. Have mercy on me Thy unworthy servant. Sometimes I just simply forgot how mighty and wonderful Thou art.
I will go home for about three weeks to celebrate the Nativity in my home town, Lampung. I don't know..... I felt a little foolish today. I had a group assignment with Mela, Ester, and Albertus. Albertus gave his work to me and this morning without any consideration I simpley put in the Mr. Bimo's pigeon hole, so I thougth it is finished. But unexpectedly, Albert came and told how silly I was. The work has to be collected together, I never thought about that. Oh, my God. I dunno what I feel sometimes I am just very unconscious. Because of my foolishness I will feel really uncomfort both with my self and toward my friends. I am so sorry, how can I be this foolish! St. Ignatius of Anthioch have mercy on me Forgive me,
I am just keep silent, Lord, I beg you for your mercy and give a peace to my soul. I dunno what I feel in this Christmas season, I hope I will be happy. But if I am allowed to be honest as a human kind, I am really sorry now. It seems that I am so despised. I didn't have good contact with my sister and my parent. Inside my heart I so want to call them, chat and make a nice conversation with them, but I dunno until I realized that my relationship with my own family is being so cold.
My Dear Father used to not really have communication with me, yes and I can understand that because we're not used to be in one home since I was an infant. May be I can count how much I met with my father (7 times?). Does he really worry and think about my life and my future right now?I answer, I am not sure.
I lived with my sorrowing mother, a really weak and gentle lady who had done so many great things to my life. In her loneliness, broken heart and weaknesses she provided me with unchangeable love of a mother. I really thank you, Mom. Although now, only your name remain with me in my life. I just remmember how your smile in the Christmas was like a diamond in the center of the dark earth. I am so sorry had made you cried so often and your life was being burdened because of me. I am so sorry Mom, will you see me again one day? I have now grown be a man, yet what does it mean with no one mother values me, I was desolated!
My Dear sister who also has to strive and struggle so hard to survive. A girl-now a Woman with such hard live and dream now has an infant and a husband. I know that she has been to busy and to hard live with her family there. But she also has to afford my life since I am still a student and I need some money from her restless work. Sorry my sister, for making your life even harder because I cling to you and your family. I really miss you since I was so rare to meet you in whole my life time. I remmembered how I really joyful when I was waiting for your letter and phone call when you are in University, and yet we've never been in one home for a mean time. I just pray for you, my sister so that God sustains you and I dunno what to say for your restless work, your tears and prayers to your unworthy brother like me. Thank you.
I do understand why father, sister why you didn't call me. I do, but I just want to pray that at least you can have a calm and peace Christmas and I will trust God to watching for my life. Don't worry about me. Although sometimes in my unstability, I sometimes cried for my lackness in emotional, financial and this hard living, but at least I can smile when I remmeber that in the back of this coin I can find the ultimate picture of Love, wonderful God who sustains us every single second. If I have enough for call you, I will try to make closer connection and warmer realtionship with you, my beloved family.
Sometime ago, I heard a podcast from www.ancientfaith.com , a really wonderful website that has influenced my life in these recent ocassions. I have been very familiar with that website for about a half year. It has been really wonderful to know such nice website contains about a really authentic and ancient faith of christianity which has passed trough very long, long time. Exactly, the faith of a hundred times of my own age now.
It is also so great that the sound being proclaimed is just really original belief of Christianity, without manipulation of human interest or pleasure! Awesome, may be that word I suggest to represent my appreciation to this online internet radio station.
Ok, so now back to the reflection on Fr John Oliver's podcast. It is really true and this sentence is a quote fronm him "God places within us a hunger for fellowship with Himself and creation. But too often man distorts that hunger into an appetite for temporary pleasure."
So true, Father and that is what I feel in my youth age, right now. And I just really amazed how you describe and contrast Sacred Hunger with appetite. Wonderful. That's true! So the exposure promote discontentment and discontentment gives birth to desire and those irrealistic or 'wrong' desires leads to appetite which will never ends. And these cycle back again over time.
Whoa, I just keep thinking that thought during this week and I just found this is so true. Thanks Lord for your great mercy upon me, Thy humble servant that Thou giveth me so simple yet deep wisdom. Glory to Thee O God, Glory to Thee.
And Fr John Oliver, I really thank you for wonderful wisdom you share with me! Bless me, Father...
I am smiling when I realize where I am now!! O God, it's just a really hard yet perfect mixture of hope, exhaustion, confusion and cheers. How come? yes, because during this last two weeks, I just being very uncertain about what todo. Should I make a mind map to help me? May be yes. Yes for the reason to make me clearer and to verify what is th urgent thing and what the things I can do later. So, I have not written them down yet. And honestly I dunno why I am so confused until become so lazy by this time to acomplish or even touch my work. One thing I suggest as one of the probabilities is that I am not really clear with my own expectation. This is what generally speaking we called Vision. Lord, have mercy may your visin direct me once again in your Path then I can go trough and obey your divine will. ANd what I can conclude also as one of my weakness in this semester is that I had not been so good in the filing (I mean managed the files for some courses in this term) and the result is.... I can't study Chemistry such in good condition because whenever I want to study, I just not certain what materials I should read since I could not find those I need and I just find uncomplete files. RESOLUTION!!!!
Hey, in this edition, I welcome my really awesome guest from Russia. His name is Kato Hetch. He is a great man, an Orthodox faithful. He's been like my father. Good Russia!
Lippo Karawaci, November 06 2008 Online world, Internet world or virtual world refer to one same form of international network that has influenced the real world of today's youth, and me personally.
This week during my examonoic era (read the previous posting), I decided to get yeah a little bit relaxation and I went on-line and go to msn messenger. And what is so good is that I met a really brilliant and awesome friend from Western Part of A very busy town in China. It's been so fun to chat and share story with him about culture, hobby and many things with Webbe.
Beside that I heard the news about His Holiness Patriarch ALEXY II of Moscow passed into eternal life and I prayed for Russia. And of couse I also really wished the best for Indonesia. I know that somehow to meet a virtual friend not as complicated as the real friend and therefore I also welcome to Ruth,Tere,Jeko, Bela, and all the members of 2EMM1, and my dormitory friends and I really thanks for your realities :). I met and shared a little bit my experience during practicum with Mrs. Yen Tjen and I forgot the message form Mr. Jacob Christoper. But that's Ok I think. I wanted also printed the portfolio stuffs, but the TC print is so crowded, so it is Ok, I delay the print until... next week due to holiday...
And by the way... Have a nice and great rest my beloved TC friends. See you soon for you who'll go home. And I am Yudi say sorry and meet you again next week in this blog!!
MOSKOW- (for more complete news: http://www.mospat.ru/) Oh, this is a shocking news for Orthodox faithful, for me personally in this week. Father, may your memory Eternal... Father Alexy passed to eternity on December 05, yesterday and the feeling of lost can be felt trough out the Orthodox world: Russia, Antioch Syria, Greece,Romania, Bulgaria, Carphato-Russia, Serbia, Georgia, Slovakia, Chekoslovakia,Ukraine,Estonia, Poland,Jerusalem Israel, Cyprus, Macedonia, Lebanon and Middle East, USA, Australia and many other countries. His Holiness Patriarch ALEXY II was born on 23 February 1929 in Tallinn, Estonia, into the family of deeply believing people. His father, Mikhail Alexandrovich Ridiger (+1962)studied in Law College and was a native Pittersburg. His Mother, Yelena Iosifovna Pisareva (+1959) was born in Revel (now Tallinn). From his early childhood Alexey Ridiger served in the church under the guidance of his spiritual father Archpriest Ioann Bogoyavlensky. He was a very briliant student in Leningrad (now St.Petersburg) Theological Seminary and graduated in 1949. After being so faithful in each rank of hierachial ministry, He was enthoned to be Patriarch of Moscow and all Russia in 10 June 1990. He was the symbol for the struggle of the orthodox church faithful in the struggle amongst the communism era and until now Russian Orthodox church by the grace and mercy of God still survive and also united with the Russian Orthodox Church Ourside Russia (ROCOR),the Church in which Indonesian Orthodox Church (goindo.org),in which I am-- affiliated. Shalom Aleikem Be Shem Ha Masiakh!
Бог! Сохранить России. Бог! Сохранить и укрепить ее страдания сына, который в силу своей веры и терпения, нести Ваш свидетель в мире. Бог, собрать нас всех в лоне нашей Матери Церкви в нашей Святой Российской Родина, и восстановить ее, вмешаться, сохранения и милосердие с Вашим благодати. (God! Save Russia. God! Save and strengthen her suffering sons, who in the strength of their faith and patience, carry Your witness to the world. God, gather us all in the bosom of our Mother Church in our Holy Russian Motherland, and restore her, intervene, preserve and have mercy with Your grace.) Amen.
Firstly, I want to welcome all the readers of this private blog :P, thanks for your support and enthusiasm you shared me this season. Ehm I just still clearly remembered when I tried to write my frist blog and my curiousity toward it. And once again by the wonder of time, Now this is december 05, which means I have been writing all these a little bit 'gajebo' things for one month. Awesome, isn't it?(It's OK if you say no!). Special appreciation I give to Dewe; my awesome friend, Gloria, Aras, Mela, Ester, Andre (Elizabeth), Dwi, Merry and all friends who had given me support in many, many things. Anyway, this is not gonna be a farewell party right? haha. I just write for this premire appreciation and also to remember your wonderful names, guys, because it has been a very much joy to be among you and share my life with you in our beloved Campus, UPH and also our distinct college, Teachers College. And now, about this week. OK.... It was very obvious that I got the Examonoic Syndrome this week. Exam, exam and exam. It is a very beautiful and such powerful key words for this week. I am excessed by those stuffs about the units, especially for Physical science 2.
Yesterday, among my stresses factors, one of them reach its top, which is the Physics final exam!! I was also uproared by the efforts of my friends and also me to understand the concepts of Light, wave, Sound, Electricity, Magnetism and their friends!! Although I don't really know and answer all the questions in that exam but from the heart of my heart I want to give thanks to Mr. Bimo our lecturer for his patience and faithfulness to teach us. Hope the best for you all!!
I can be crazy, Mbah... hohho. But I am not too worry because this gonna be a short time for me to go home and meet my beloved family. But I am very overwhelmed during this week. It is like I have to digest a very long, long crocodile bread at once! How come? I need 'encoding' right now, which is to cut that bread into smaller parts an then to digest that. Because I find that every matter in my mind became so twisted and complicated it is just really like spaghetti or noodle. I wished in this peak season of the semester I won't be so panic and get exploding!! but it's just not as simple as I think. Everything just come up to my mind and make a little bit confuse about the things I should do! Ah... come on! But wait, I think actually it requires a 'little missing simple skill', it is like the skill that the primary teachers do. Sorting and categorizing skill! So, before cutting and encoding those many lists to do, I need more steps in clarifying and categorizing them in to each category based on complexity, duration and of course, the importance. And I think I need to write the list to make it sense and more visible. So, I need to: finish my Portfolio, resources folder, Linear Algebra preparation, Chemistry exam, Teaching and Learning Presentation, and also some other things I forgot. Yeah I know it is a bit long list. I better stop here and then smile, take a deep breath and close my eyes! OK, I can not step my feet twice at once, or I might be fallen! So, Master help me step one by one and finish it according to Thy will. Forgive me my worry and faults. :)
I am thinking about how busy I am these months and even in this week. But if I think it twice this is not my body that is tired but my mind, caused by my own self-talk, or my friends they are my own fear, doubt, worries and many other friends. Lord have mercy. Those kind of preoccupation in to my limited memory and exhausted me. Oh... I am overwhelmed and then I am *bored*
I can feel the sense of confusion, and my soul became unrest. I must run, run and run inside my own thinking, ohh I started thinking about so many sophisticate things, the things on the sky which I can not reach. One by one ideal me, everything that is so ideal I want to achieve. I keep demanding to my own strength while my real so weak self is beginning affirm that this is over load. But in my uncomfortable heart I even became more anxious and then.... desperate.
I am a limited human being, even though many times I found my self with unlimited desires even passions but I am a human with the design of certain limitation and boundaries. So often, when I find myself so restless and keep seeking and seeking until I wore out and give up. Now, I am just laughing for my unconsciousness, I need rest anyhow! I need to stay silent and start giving up my own burdens to the Master. I can not deal with those kind of dilemmas by myself. Just stay a moment, smile and find out where I am now. Ahh I have been wandered so far, far away. Why didn't I realize it and be a little bit late, so busy and busy. Just try to wake up in the morning to see and touch the young leaves and feel the coolness of morning dew with the tip of my finger. Stay silent in the presence of All Peaceful Master and deepen the steps into the stillness of reverence.
Sst! I need rest, yes I will take a time to rest and weep for my past until the relieves come.
Yoyoyo.... The time is going on and on and I am still struggle to be an actual 20 years old boy!! Lord have mercy, help me to know what should I do in this kind of age (because I have not experienced it yet, LOL) Ehm any way I am not going to discuss any matter about age now, even it is a little, very related with that in this topic but I just want to reflect on my today's class with my beloved Canadian teacher: Mrs. Yvette. One thing I awesome from her is that she always gets our heart, my heart personally. She talked with us so 'psychologically' haha. Sounds funny right? Hm... just comfortable to share and talk with her anyhow. Like I felt today when in the beginning of her class she asked us if anyway we have something need help from her. She offered that to us plainly and sincerely. And for a moment we share our not understanding, worries and burden. And she just inspired us with what she did toward us. She really meant to provide help and be a very flexible teacher. Thanks Lord for giving me such wonderful teacher for us so that we can learn so many things even form the way she speaks and move in the classroom. Just wonderful. And this morning I got two more presentations from my beloved friends: Rita, Priscillia, Mieke and Moreen, the other group are Albert, Jessica, Ester and Suryo.
Rita, Priscillia, Mieke and Moreen shared us about what they learned about the factors that influence the behaviors: 1. Parenting style and this is the part that interested me once upon a time and I quite agree with this theory: Authoritative |High Responsiveness||High Expectation| Authoritarian |Low Responsiveness||High Expectation| Permissive |High Responsiveness||Low Expectation| Uninvolved |Low Responsiveness||Low Expectation|
2. SES (Socio-Economic status)
Which usually related with the parent's income, occupational and status in the community. The influences of SES are: -Neglected -Violence -Poverty
Oo by the way I have spent so much time here so it is better to continue tommorow, OK....
When I was walking with a very solemn and calm heart, a thing came to me like a whispering wind to my ears. I nodded and smile finding a hidden treasure for my and many people's heart: simplicity.
In many occasions I often think shopisticately and being failed to hear the voice of cimplicity whenever it came. And because of that my heart keep demanding the unlimited desires. All things needs to be so complicated in order to be beautiful, awesome and great-- that is what sound like.
Actually not, I realized. In my meditation, I discover that I don't need that much time to share my life, to interact and to communicate with my beloved persons in my life. May be in a very casual moment I will need only 10-20 minutes to speak with them in a very meaningful way. I don't need to spend for 24 hours with them in a day! That this is, I missed so many sparkling little moments. I need to reconsider about this and realize that how wonderful those moments to speak, to listen to and smile at them. So woderful, yet not so many times. It is true.... I better give my times to share with them and not being bussy only for my self and I need to set up boundaries to my own desires and each event effect today!
