Here it is, another side of wonderful yesterday! So, as I back to dorm in the evening (around 7 pm), I was walking and interacting with one of my roommate, Jecko. And as we opened the door of our room, another friend, Herbetd looked at me and asked, "Hey, Yudhie have you tapped my smart card?". [So, every time we get to eat, we should bring the smart card (i.e. our ID card) to be tapped, and then we get the coupons or ticket for the meals. If we don't tap the smart card, we will get fined].
"O, friend.... I am sorry, I forgot it" [Herbetd asked me to tap it at lunch time, before exam]
"What? I don't like with what you have done, just don't like your way!" said he angrily.
" I am sorry, I am wrong. I don't want it like this as well. But my mistakes! I am so sorry"
"I don't know... Whatever...", he replied.
Silence.....
Thus, here it is what I have to deal, with a conflict......
Glory to you O God! I am very shame. Shame on me, how careless I am and has wronged my dearest friend... So I spend last night to really contemplate this matter.
It's very benefit that we are made realizing that we also might have mistakes. And in this fallen nature, how easy it is to get wrong in our weaknesses. And thus, we really needs the Mercy from God unceasingly every moment. Thus I need to cling always in him our strong fortress and shield.
Second thing, about the anger..... I remember, when the anger came, in the ugliness of my passions, it is more preferable to look down on the wrong doer. So there will be two labels: the right one or the wrong one. And we tend to use the 'garment' of the first one and we put on the other to the one we angry to. We want the person who has mistake to feel hurt as we do, or at least know how it feels. In the corrupted sense of justice we then become merciless. The focus of the matters becomes the self... There is a want to take a pity, to cry and to have mercy only to the self. Therefore, in this, there will be a certain sense of 'satisfaction' and that satisfaction only comes to the self and make another be the object and the victim of the satisfaction, and hence, the victim of the anger because the source comes from anger. And unfortunately there is certain teaching that somehow use this approach to understand the Loving God. Lord, have mercy. Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy.
God is Love. He would not put us in the side of 'wrong' and traps us there in the box with that label and lock that box with un-opened lock. Instead, he comes to the sinners to realize and give them live, eternal live! And He would not enjoy to see us in the wrong sides in order to 'make' himself right. He is perfect. There is no need to be that way.
But, beyond our corrupted description of Justice, God is Gracious, Merciful and Faithful. How weak, unworthy and sinful I am and it is very easy for me to get wrong.... But indeed, in His Graciousness, Mercy, and Faithfulness he keeps strengthening, holding my hand and lead me back on his way.... He doesn't put us on the box of wrong, instead he realizes us and transform us, from sinners in the darkness to be saints in glory and light, because he is Love and He loves us perfectly and so that He might be able eternally be united with his beloved sons and daughters who He has created in the very image of His..... This is wonderful beyond description!
Therefore, I bow down and pray:
"Have mercy on me, O Lord.... Have mercy on me. behold, Thy unworthy servant, today in my weakness, I have wronged my beloved friend. Lord, may Thou pour out your healing oil of mercy upon my brother Herbetd, on his heart and mind. Heal the wound and anger that I caused, and would you give me the remnant of that, because I also need Thy mercy. But first, May Thou pour it to my brother Herbetd abundantly, and lest the anger trap him. My prayer I arise to you as incense before Thee, and I beseech Thee, protect this my beloved in your strong arms."
Lord, have mercy on us!
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