I looked upon myself in the mirror. O, how plain and undesirable, there is nothing interesting about me. I am just a sinner who force the earth so that she has to give up a space for a rubbish like me.
Yet, I find myself smiles. This one is the smile of ignorance and naive-ness. It smiles because I do know nothing either about myself or about this world. This world and even this life is too big and too mysterious for me. Illiterate, blind, lost and poor that what I am. I am nothing but dust and ashes.
A beggar, yes a beggar is what can describe me best. I am like him who sits on the ground, powerlessly and yet still hoping for mercy from The Benefactor and His beloved ones. Because I realize that I have no defense, no power and have no understanding and fool.
Lord, O Lord, Why is it that You so love me and care for me? I am but dust and ashes, unwanted and nothing. If you want, just like my earthly father you could simply forget and abandon me, remember me no more. Because yes, it is true that there is nothing desirable in me. How poor, ignorant and unworthy I am, Lord. It is very reasonable for you to simply slap me and kick me whenever I am naughty. I deserve for any pains.
But you forget me not, a broken pot, O Lord. Instead, with tears and blood and sweat you look so deeply to my weak, sleepy eyes and stretch your hand to my dirty ones. But Lord, I am so unworthy to touch You, cleanse me. I need your mercy every time O Lord and without it I can not live. These days are from You, Lord. How quick my days will be and this world remember me no more. Yet You are so faithful! I can't understand it, truly, I simply taste and see it and tell it very inadequately. And now, knowing that I am a broken pot in Thy Hand, I feel safe O Lord, I am yours among yours.
Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy.
Your beautiful and humble prayer, brother, reminds me of the verse from Psalm 27,
ReplyDelete"If my father and mother desert me, Yahweh will care for me still."
(Psalm 27:10 Jerusalem Bible)
This was a psalm for the 5th day. Other lines in your prayer also remind me of this psalm.
Psalm 27 ends with these lines, which words I also say to you,
Put your hope in Yahweh, be strong, let your heart be bold, put your hope in Yahweh.
(Psalm 27:14)
I was feeling somewhat lonely today and even for the past five or six days. But talking to you, brother, and also reading your good words, has made me feel welcome again.
It is a most important thing, to feel welcome. The Word of God, especially in the Psalms, reveals to us just how very welcome we are to our heavenly Father, who is always more ready to give than we are to receive His grace and mercy.
With you, precious brother, I cry, Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.
Word verification: waster