These three weeks for me in my room will be unusual, because most of my friends had been going home to their hometown and also some of them going out for student teaching, field experience and my room will become so silent. One or two days ago, some friends of me express their feeling of boredom and I was and am listening to them. And later or soon (heheh and so far it has't) may be this will also grab me. But wait, to anticipate this, I make a little reflection about of this feeling.
Some people whom I knew had very emotional-oriented responses toward what happened around them. Simply to say, the mood has so great effect on what are spoken and done. I am myself, in my weakness and youth, sometimes tempted to be so. Some days can be nuanced as expressive and flowery and some days can be full of whimpers and lethargy.
I realize that this is one part of our nature in this fallen world and we share this same experience of facing the 'potentially boring' time. And yes, we are sometimes battling with this matter, either at our home, or at campus, or at wherever and whenever it might be. Knowing that we experience this and that not only us, but also the saints experienced it as well in their human nature, so I am a little bit relieved.
But I also realize that the matter is what to do or conduct ourselves in this situation of boredom? Forgive me, since I am still young and not speaking as an experienced nor wise man, but just share a little bit what in my mind in my simplicity.
Firstly, I am sure that my own feeble mind and power can not fight it by itself. I (we) need His mercy and power to act with discernment and wisdom which revealed to us in His Holy Church, through His servants, Holy Scripture and many forms of guidance (for instance, spiritual works of our Fathers). There is no other thing that is more beautiful then our humble prayers and submission to His All Holy Will. All things He allows to happen in our days for our salvation. :)
It is also very important to ask his mercy so that He grant us wisdom to overcome our moods, train it and subject it, and thus not act according to its deceitful and even harmful desires. But put it under His Holy Commandment. And the easiest thing to do is just to continue our labor, prayers and works. By this then we are living not according to our mood and become its slave, instead, bearing our podvig out of our joy to fulfill Our Master's Will, this is our little sacrifice. Sometimes, this is not suddenly pleasant thing, even we may be not comfortable one in the beginning, but with a little endurance in His mercy, then this cloud will pass and the bright day will shine again. The point is not to seek instant comfort nor to create a comfort zone or comfort spot where we can hide ourselves in it. (Our comfort and shelter is only in The House of The Lord !)
I also experience that it is a little bit challenging to even just smile to our beloved brothers and sisters, when we feel this boredom. But, again out of honesty and humility, it is very good to ask God's mercy to empower us to do good works, according to His Goodness and not for our sake and then say Yes whenever He ask. He does never leave us alone in every circumstances.
Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!
(I have made an audio format of this post, you can download it here)
Good post, Yudhie! Good analysis, and also good advice. You might want to explain for your readers who may not be Orthodox what is podvig. Even for us Orthodox, that is not a normal word, though we know what it means.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I am feeling bored, I remember the morning that I woke up and, full of fear for boredom that might happen to me that day, instead of crying out joyfully "Thank you Lord for this new day!" all I could do was whimper a little complaint, as prophet Jonah did, "Why must I keep on living? I have no usefulness to anyone. My work is over. I am ready to die. Why are You keeping me alive, O Lord?"
As I said, I think this was more from a feeling of boredom or fear of boredom (when you get old, this happens, because all your children and other family members ignore you and have interesting things to do, that you cannot or will not do). This was not from a truly virtuous and God-loving sentiment. Can anyone really ask the Lord, "How long must I wait?" with an honest and sincere heart?
So, I asked him thus, complaining. And what was His answer to me? He simply said, "I am keeping you alive so that you can fulfill My commandments." That's it! That was all He said. But the words cut into me deeply, opening a wound into which He could pour the oil of His Holy Spirit.
And then I remembered my psalms, which I had forgotten to read, and in which I find His holy commandments.
"I remember, and my soul melts within me. I am on my way to His wonderful tent, amidst cries of joy and praise, and an exultant throng."
This is from a psalm of the eighth day, which is the day I was born. This verse and many others from that day I then reread, and my strength was renewed, and I remembered why I am here, and His answer was something I knew from the beginning, "to fulfill His commandments."