Attentive

Yesterday, as I sat down among my friends in Geometry class, there was certain disagreement about how to decide the smallest angle of the clock. Some of us are very good questioners. However, sometimes after asking questions some of us don't really gave attentions to our lecturer's explanation.

As a prospective teacher who had also been in student teaching last year, I come to know that attention is very important for learning. Learning begins only if the students give their attention to the teacher. Only by giving full and sincere attention then a student will trully be obedient to the teacher and begin their learning. I think I can learn a little bit from this.

The more I am pondering, the more I am realizing that I am ignorant. What do I know? I know very little, and almost zero. I need His mercy to even draw a single breath. Realizing this, I cry to the Lord, "Lord, have mercy on me. Behold Thy servant is so blind and ignorant! With heartfelt, I recite the prayer: "Ilumine our hearts, O Lover of mankind, with the pure light of Thy Divine knowledge. Open the eyes of our mind to the understanding of Thy Gospel teachings. Implant also in us the fear of Thy blessed commandments, that trampling down our carnal desires, we may enter upon a spiritual manner of living, both thinking and doing such things as are well-pleasing unto Thee. For Thou art the ilumination of our souls and bodies O Christ our God, and unto Thee we ascribe Glory together with Thy Father who is from everlasting and Thy All Holy Good and Life-Creating Spirit, both now and ever and unto the ages of ages." (The prayer before reading the Scripture).

It is always sweet when I remember what my great friend once told me: “All you have to do is follow closely behind Him, and you will begin to change into His image, as you do what you see Him doing.” Until now, I say: Ameyn. I realize that this means also of being attentive toward Him, like once Mary who sat down under his feet, and those who listen to Him, and do what He commands, and He himself called them blessed! Indeed! And how nice it is that on that day, one of the Psalms that I read for 27th day is Psalm 131:

"Yahweh, my heart has no lofty ambitions,

my eyes do not look too high.

I am not concerned with great affairs

or marvels beyond my scope

Enough for me to keep my soul tranquil and quiet

like a child in its mother's arms,

as content as a child that has been weaned.

Israel, rely on Yahweh,

now and for always!" (Jerusalem Bible)

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God have mercy on me a sinner!

little child

Today, I was very glad as usual when God gave me the opportunity to teach my student, Alfred. He studies in a Elementary School near here and have me as his guide to study and enrich his learning in extra hours in the afternoon. I am very glad when I meet and interact with him. It has been very good for me to feel and see his purity, obedience and enthusiastic questions!

Alfred has been like my own little brother for me. He calls me with Kak Yudhie (i.e. Brother Yudhie) and learn very joyfully. He is a very lucky and smart little brother ;), was born from a Chinese family which is so caring and yet expecting one toward him. There's none who I have ever met, has such interest to the skies, rain, rainbows, thunders and everything about the sky like the third grader Alfred. I was smiled so radiantly when he asked me what makes rain and then I explained to him. And when I checked his understanding by re-telling those 'water cycle', he explained back to me just like an expert! Bravo, my little brother!

Once, I taught him a poet about the sky and he's so amazed with that. Then, under a slight guidance, I instructed him to make a little poem with his own words. And wow, I am uplifted to listen to his beautiful and well-composed poem. Today, I taught him the substractions and multiplication which he struggles to understand, yet with a little trick, he is able to count and ask for challage to the thousands (e.g. 1123) numbers :P. I have been very glad to teach him. At breaks, he likes to tell me many things about his experiences, trips with his family and sometimes his sadness. Lord, how glad I am to behold such simplicity, honesty and purity from a little child.

God bless you, dear little brother Alfred, may you grow in His Love and in the knowledge of Him, being a chaste witness for Him in your whole life!

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Deal with today's activities

As a youth, it is very easy for me to get attracted to something new, something challenging and something unique, good and creative. And the positive thing about that is, I would be motivated to do something arduously to do that kind of projects. . And as Christians, we know that we should not have enthusiastic attitude and do our best not only in something we are "in mood," because we works as to The Lord Himself and how glad that is, to work under His Glorious care and concern; and even to Glorify Him.

(Photo: my supervisor and partners in Library)

Yes, even in the days when we feel they'll be tough, exhausting and tiresome. Simply, always remember our Lord who worked so arduously and obediently. And this is an instruction from one of holy fathers:

"Labor conscientiously, pray, and ask God for patience. Tribulations are a good sign, they show that we are on the narrow way. Humble yourself more and reproach yourself."
(Elder Joseph of Optina in "Letters" quoted from The Morning Offering blog).

Lord Jesus Christ the Son of God have mercy on me a sinner!

Another lesson of Magnanimous forgiveness

Magnanimous forgiveness of slanderers and prayer for them is a characteristic of Christian saints who do not ascribe all the slanders against themselves to men but rather to demons, the main instigators of every slander as well as every sin in general. St. Abraham of Smolensk was slandered by envious priests to the prince and the bishop as a deceiver, magician and hypocrite. The slanders sought nothing less than to have him burned. The prince and the bishop believed the slanderers and Abraham was banished from Smolensk and was forbidden to exercise his priestly functions. During the entire time of his investigation and trial, Abraham repeated the prayer of St. Stephen, the first martyr: "Lord, lay not this sin to their charge" (Acts of the Apostles 7:60).

Later it was established that all of the accusers against Abraham lied and slandered. The infuriated prince wanted to severely punish the slanderers and the bishop wanted to excommunicate them from the Church but the holy Abraham fell on his knees before the bishop and, with tears, begged him to forgive them. Abraham did not want to return to his monastery nor to begin again to exercise his priestly functions until his slanderers were shown mercy and released.

(Quoted from: The Prologue from Ohrid by St. Nikolai Velimirovich)

[let my days] be filliled with the praise of Thy name

Yesterday, after reading a thought provoking post by Romanos, Greeks from rocks I kept reminded that human is vulnarable and needs always, always Lord's mercy. Therefore I have been falling in love with our holy fathers' instruction for us to be constant in repentance, that is to repent every hour, minute, seconds, and every time, for the sake of His love to us and by that we are encouraged and strengthened, and even transformed to love Him, to walk in amazement before Him with such a joy, a joy that can't be given by this world, and yet realizing the cruelty of the fallen worlds, carnal desires and passions that are in us, and most of all, and our longing to be in communion with Him forever through the Holy Spirit, our souls cry aloud to Him: Lord, have mercy!

Romanian Elder, Father Joel of Sihastria (+1986) got this beautiful instructions from his beloved spiritual father, Archimandrite Ioanichie (Moroi): fear of God, vigilance of the mind (keeping it pure of evil thoughts and imaginings) and not to forget Jesus Prayer, the prayer of the heart. What beautiful instructions they are.

For me personally, The Lord has been a Great and Faithful Lord, Friend and Teacher. He is the owner, the creator and sustainer of every single moment of my time, what does can I be without Him? Yet, in my enthusiam to learn and even to follow His mighty and tremendous, even extreme humility, meekness, compassion and firmness in Love, I cried in amazement yet in contrite heart, Lord have mercy on me, a sinner! For Thou art perfect and awesome, but behold me, I am very unworthy, weak and feeble. Let Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven, so that the earth will be restored and become heavenly, holy and well-pleasing unto Thee! Let Thy will be done in me also, thy unworthy servant, because your love is so strong, let my heart and life be consumed by Thy Love. Vest me with Thy humility, so that The Holy Spirit might dwell in me and I can see and taste the Goodness and Love of The Father which is boundless. Lord, have mercy on me a sinner!

What else should I wander, O Lord, for Thou hast filled all things with Joy! But, Lord may Thou bring and lead me as your Love desires, wherever it takes. And according to Thy Mercy and Kindness, grant also my brothers and sisters to know How Great and Good Thou art among Thy Beloved Saints and above all universe, that they may be enjoy the gladness which Thou hast revealed unto us. Let thy unworthy servant's (mine) days filled with the praise of Thy name!

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

New Semester, new challanges, new mercies ;)

Today, I had just come back from my very first Electromagnetic class, when I was activating my first wireless connection in my campus. I am very glad that finally, by His Providence, from now on I will get the opportunity to get a little more time to online and share my life a little bit with you via blogosphere. Glory to God for all things indeed!

And of course, it is very nice to talk about something new or fresh, at least for me personally. I am very glad that this month The Lord grants me, the unworthy one, His Goodness to see and taste many things new. Some gifts from my great friends in the Lord and how He also allows me to get to know new people who love Him greatly, truly with a heartfelt joy in my heart I cry: Glory to Thee O God! Glory to Thee. I can't say with sufficient words how amazed I am to behold Thy Mercies. Lord, have mercy! And I am just reminded of His ultimate calling to Himself, to be like him and to be with Him forever and behold His Glory, how beautiful that would be. O Lord, may Thou keep my heart to be directed to You always, and teach me to love my friends and those around with the love that Thou hast shown me to me through your beloved servants. Forgive me my weak and feeble hands, weak will and self-love, have mercy on me, Lord!

Now, about the new semester! A little bit 'challenging' beginning! I have just gotten the Electromagnetic course and I guess I will struggle to make sense those matters. Lord, have mercy! However, I am so enthusiastic because of the friendly schedule and new lecturers in our class.

In this occasion, I also want to say thanks to my precious, faithful and generous friends: Romanos, Brock and also Maria, Ian and Fr. Dorin and Elissa and Elizabeth, AR, Steve, Della, David Dickens and many others, those who graciously read and encourage this unworthy blog. Glory to God! This has been so much comfort to know such love and encouragements, brothers and sisters, I love you, even though my love is very unworthy! :) God bless your families, cities and countries! And by the way, I have published another blog, Jawara Bahasa, a blog of learning Indonesian language for whoever who are interested to learn Bahasa.

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Memory Eternal, Mom

Glory to God! He is so faithful to his humble servant. What words can I use to describe His goodness and mercy?

He has given me life; my days are only by His Power and Love
He sustains, He provides
Amazing is his love

From my mother’s womb, He is my beloved God
He watched me since I was hidden from eyes of men
Lovingly He takes care of me with unspeakable affections

Yes, even though my mother had fallen a sleep
And I still remember that day when my bearer’s day ended
That was six years ago, 14 August 2003, she closed her eyes
And left me as a lonely, desolate child
But, behold, my Creator has never abandoned me even in a glance

Mom, my heart is very happy for God’s kindness
He graciously holds my hands and leads me in the narrow way unto Himself
How could I doubt with His Strong and Mighty arms?
I trust my whole life to Him forever

Mom, I remember your sorrows and tears,
Your silence and smiles
Even though you didn’t laugh too much but I do remember some of yours

I am very pleased to remember your obedience to our culture
Your commitment in life to keep pure and kind
Although because of that I could not touch you without your permission

Now, I have been growing to be a young man without seeing you with my earthly eyes
Through the valleys and rivers, lakes, seas and islands
But I am just as naive, simple and careless as I was
Yet, I guess my appearance is different than last time,
When you smiled at me, when you saw me for the last time with your earthly eyes as 13 years old boy!

Memory Eternal, Mom

(You can get the audio version of this posting by clicking here)

HIATUS

This is my campus Festival Time here:


UPH Festival 16 and Independence Day- Week...


and I'll be offline these weeks. If God allows me to have more days to live, I'll be back. Christ is in the midst of us!


Yudhie

Interesting reflection on the Feast of Transfiguration of our Lord by St. Nikolai

"Why did our Lord not manifest His divine glory on Tabor before all the disciples instead of before three of them? First, because He Himself gave the Law through the mouth of Moses: "At the mouth of two witnesses or at the mouth of three witnesses, shall the matter be established" (Deuteronomy 19:15). Therefore, three witnesses are sufficient. These three witnesses represent three main virtues: Peter Faith, for he was the first to confess his faith in Christ as the Son of God; James Hope, for, with faith in the promise of Christ, he was the first who laid down his life for the Lord, being the first to be slain by the Jews; John Love, for he reclined on the bosom of the Lord and remained beneath the Cross of the Lord until the end. God is not called the God of many but rather the God of the chosen. "I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob" (Exodus 3:6). God often valued a faithful man more than an entire nation. Thus, on many occasions, He wanted to destroy the entire Jewish nation, but because of the prayers of righteous Moses, spared that nation to live. God listened more to the faithful Prophet Elijah than to the entire unbelieving kingdom of Ahab. Because of the prayers of one man, God towns and people. Thus, the sinful town of Ustiug was to be destroyed by fire and hail had it not been saved by the prayers of the one and only righteous man in it, St. Procopius, the "fool for Christ" (July 8)."
Quoted from The Prologue from Ohrid, August 06

Re-post: a little story

So far this is very good for me, that by mercy and providence of God I am to be here here right now and truly God provides everything so richly and abundantly each day with experiences, challenges and opportunities.

Especially the opportunities. Three or so years ago I was a parent-less and lonely boy, starving and swinging from a place to another, seeking hope and opportunity, if any. "Will I survive? I wept and cried out in my heart contritely". That was a hard and though experience for me, yet God has made it so rich as preparation and equipments for me personally to be his servant, even though an unworthy servant. I just literally felt what the younger boy feels in the Great parable-- hungered for the love, acceptance and the meaning of life.

In my poor and helpless state, God has made his love so real, even more real than what I could encounter before. This was for me simply to feel and see that he dispose me, a lost sheep by his own strong and safe arm to His Path, His own Pasture Land. That's too great for me! I can't say or explain how and why. I am too simple and unworthy to grab these great things He showed me. I simply trust and follow Him, my Greatest and Most Faithful Friend!

I was [and am?] used to be a very easy simple child. No sophisticate dreams nor complicated wants, I simply followed what my mother, my sister and may be my friends and teachers' expectations so willingly. I don't know why it was so, may be I was just too easy to trust anything. My friends and my neighbours grieved and had pity on me for this. I am just too naive and simple to complain about anything, and thus I was very un-assertive one.

My friends and those who cared at me asked, "Yudhie, don't you want to have toys, play a game, have shoes, pocket money, and all good things like us?" I simply said, "No..."

" Why?" they continued. "My mother has very little and I won't make her to be so grieved because I ask her too much," I answered. Since my childhood I can felt the sorrow of those around me, especially my Mom. Many times, when I woke in the middle of the night I saw her sleeping face, and even I was still so young but I can felt her sorrow and burden, I wanted to help her and didn't want to make her even more burdened by my wasteful requests. I was used to be silent and mechanical. My mother very seldom asked me about anything neither told her story or what was in her heart, I was just too weak and little to know her mind and I was also reluctant to ask her about that-- a cultural barrier.

Until that time come when the one who I trust departed from my side. As an adolescent, a phase when all the imaginations and desires are become more emerging, I still kept silent. My sister worked so far, my father far away too and my mother fallen a sleep and I was trusted to my aunt's family. Likewise, I worked for my aunt's family without any teenager-ian wants, just worked and studied, relating with them and my friends and my school radio listeners. I just did what I received and that's all.

Even until now in many occasions and chances, I am just as simple as that. I can't play any game nor online game, don't know lots of thing. I am so linear. :)

But in spite of that's all, One thing I know so simply, He is Wonderful!

Christology in Javanese mind [part III]

So, we have come to the end of the series of Christology in Javanese mind. Here is the third stanza of Ilir-ilir.

Dodotira, dodotira, kumitir bedhah ing pinggir, [the garment, your royal garment is tore in the side]
dondomana, jlumatana, kanggo seba mengko sore. [Knit and mend it as preparation to face your (king) this evening]
Mumpung gedhe rembulane, mumpung jembar kalangane, Ya surak-a surak yo.. [Since it is while in the Light of Bright Moon, still broad is its hello, [joyfully] keep the diligence with you].

***
(Stanza 3, line 1)

Dodotira, dodotira, kumitir bedhah ing pinggir, [the garment, your royal garment is tore in the side]
It is said that dodotira, your royal garment is tore in the side. And this can be associated with the fallen nature of mankind. Which once created in the very image of his Creator but because of sin become corrupted.

(Stanza 3, line 2)

dondomana, jlumatana, kanggo seba mengko sore. [Knit and mend it as preparation to face your (king) this evening]. This is our life in His grace, we should live in constant repentance, vigilance, humility, chastity and self-control; it is "that divine grace, which always heals that which is infirm and completes that which is lacking. " (Archpriest Theodoros of Antiochian Archdiocese of North America). And it reminds me to what once said by St. John of Kronstadt, that this life is the preparation for eternity, kanggo seba mengko sore. This is an invitation from the king, that is the King himself come, visit and call us into His House. The word"sore" which means evening (and even afternoon), means it will be very quick. If I relate this to St. Nektarios' book, I am reminded of the radiance of the Christian faith discussed there. With joy in the given time through out the history, the Virtuous Christian love their beloved Master as Mumpung gedhe rembulane, mumpung jembar kalangane, Ya surak-a surak yo.. [Since it is while in the Light of Bright Moon, still broad is its hello, [joyfully] keep the diligence with you].

***

Glory to You, O God, Glory to You!
Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Christology in Javanese mind [part II]

I wrote in the previous posting about a Javanese traditional song, Ilir-ilir, which would always remind me to the writing of St. Nektarios entitled "Christology" whenever I listen to and sing it. Let me to give a little explanations of this song, because I think it is a good reminder of Christology; (while using it as a kind of review of this book). This [song] is very down to the earth to the Javanese framework (so, for me personally, this is very helpful to be reminded of Christology simply by singing this song; I hope my friends or even you will, as well).

***
(First Stanza)

Lir-ilir, Lir-ilir, tandure wis sumilir, [the wind blows, Lir ilir [wake up!], the new Shoot has [had] springs up]

Lir-ilir can be associated with the sound of the wind or the flow of water. Javanese use this word also to describe the meaning of stream or liquid flow and thus when it is adopted in Bahasa, it becomes alir, the basic form of verb: to flow; to blow which symbolize the source of Life. It is also often that this word also means: to spring up, to wake up or to rise up! A sound of proclamation, just like the proclamation of the coming of king or good news.

tandure wis sumilir [the new Shoot has [had] sprung up]. This is the good news brought after the calling of Lir-ilir (wake up, wake up)! because the awaited Shoot has sprung up, the Awaited One has [had] come!

***

tak ijo royo royo, tak sengguh penganten anyar. [This seems very fresh and green, I supposed this is a new bridegroom]

In the agricultural context, green(tak ijo royo royo) may means something that is very blissful or comely. This is also one part of St. Nektarios' exposition: the comeliness, greatness and majesty of The Messiah, Lord Jesus Christ. It is interesting that the symbol of penganten anyar [new(anyar) Bridegroom] reminds me to Song of Salomon and also the parable of Our Lord who came with the divine Love, with strength and yet meekness, arduous Love and humility.

***
(Second Stanza)

Bocah angon, bocah angon, penekna blimbing kuwi, [son the shepherd, would you please climb that starfruit tree],

Bocah (son-- a little children) in Javanese symbolism depicts the humanity. Angon means to shepherd the sheep/ cows or even the farmer' son who come and see the field. It is interesting that the term 'little children(can be also: beloved son)' gives the impression that there must be the father or parents, and in this song, he came or gathered the sheep according to his father's will, but I also understand that this son (since I experienced this) would go obediently and with full of joy gathering and bringing the ship to home.

The narration of this song goes on with penekna blimbing kuwi [would you please climb that starfruit tree]. Starfruit symbolize the Divinity, and the tree means the way (of union with that Divinity), means the son (bocah) is being asked to ascended to the tree (this reminds me to the Only Way) and this is talking about obedience and love of this son. This is correlated with the life of The Awaited one in the world (which also discussed by St. Nektarios), in his obedience and love toward His Father, he ascended into the tree.

***

lunyu-lunyu peneken, kanggo m[b]asuh dodotira. [although that tree is very slippery, but to get the royal garment washed, please]. The tree is slippery, lunyu, means it is very difficult and dangerous. The will to penekna (climb, please) are preserved to be peneken (keep climbing), to declare the perfect will (out of son's love and obedience) , his whole-heartedness regardless of the difficulty and even agony.

kanggo m[b]asuh dodotira[but to get the royal garment washed, please].
m[b]asuh means to cleanse ; to purify. The starfruit was used by Javanese ladies to wash clothes before the detergent was introduced, and dodot means the royal garment to be used in a festival or to attend the king's invitation, symbolize a great privilege or invitation from a king and symbol of glory. If we relate this to bocah (beloved son), means that this son was also from the pallace, He has Divinity (the Original one), but later the dodot becomes dodotira (-ira, just like you in English, may mean plural). Thus this word means to cleanse or to purify that garment, so that that corrupted glory may be purified, restore to its origin; and only the starfruit, initiative of The Divine would do that

***

What a strong reminder of the Gospel so far, I will continue the third stanza in the next posting.

Christology in Javanese mind

I have just finished reading the book of Christology by St. Nektarios. What a great experience and joy I have when by His Providence, I was allowed to taste such brilliant work of our father. After reading the whole part of the book which discuss about the awaited Messiah, how The Messiah fulfill the greatest and deepest desire of all mankind of all nations, that His prophesied coming by prophets and what was told by Moses and Old Testament was perfectly and unshakably, in the perfect time and place fulfilled. Then St. Nektarios also contemplated upon the brilliance of Christian Faith

Indeed, this is a great book and very strengthening the faith in Christ. And in another time, I found that there is a very interesting summary of this book which is nicely depicted by the traditional song in Javanese, and what a tremendous truth it is when enlightened by Light of Incarnation of The Logos. Here is the song (you can download it here)

Lir-ilir, Lir-ilir, tandure wis sumilir, [the wind blows, Lir ilir, the new Shoot springs up]
tak ijo royo royo, tak sengguh penganten anyar. [This seems very fresh and green, I supposed this is a new bridegroom]
Bocah angon, bocah angon, penekna blimbing kuwi, [son the shepherd, would you please climb that starfruit tree]
lunyu-lunyu peneken, kanggo masuh dodotira. [although that tree is very slippery, but to get the royal garment washed, please]
Dodotira, dodotira, kumitir bedhah ing pinggir, [the garment, your royal garment is tore in the side]
dondomana, jlumatana, kanggo seba mengko sore. [Knit and mend it as preparation to face your (king) this evening]
Mumpung gedhe rembulane, mumpung jembar kalangane, Ya surak-a surak horeeee! [Since it is while in the Light of Bright Moon, still broad is its hello, [joyfully] keep the diligence with you].

Father Daniel once gave us very good explanation of this poetic symbolism. And he wrote them in a Javanese blog. Because of limited time, and also to keep this post readable and brief, I will continue it in the next post. Forgive me.

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!