Re-post: a little story

So far this is very good for me, that by mercy and providence of God I am to be here here right now and truly God provides everything so richly and abundantly each day with experiences, challenges and opportunities.

Especially the opportunities. Three or so years ago I was a parent-less and lonely boy, starving and swinging from a place to another, seeking hope and opportunity, if any. "Will I survive? I wept and cried out in my heart contritely". That was a hard and though experience for me, yet God has made it so rich as preparation and equipments for me personally to be his servant, even though an unworthy servant. I just literally felt what the younger boy feels in the Great parable-- hungered for the love, acceptance and the meaning of life.

In my poor and helpless state, God has made his love so real, even more real than what I could encounter before. This was for me simply to feel and see that he dispose me, a lost sheep by his own strong and safe arm to His Path, His own Pasture Land. That's too great for me! I can't say or explain how and why. I am too simple and unworthy to grab these great things He showed me. I simply trust and follow Him, my Greatest and Most Faithful Friend!

I was [and am?] used to be a very easy simple child. No sophisticate dreams nor complicated wants, I simply followed what my mother, my sister and may be my friends and teachers' expectations so willingly. I don't know why it was so, may be I was just too easy to trust anything. My friends and my neighbours grieved and had pity on me for this. I am just too naive and simple to complain about anything, and thus I was very un-assertive one.

My friends and those who cared at me asked, "Yudhie, don't you want to have toys, play a game, have shoes, pocket money, and all good things like us?" I simply said, "No..."

" Why?" they continued. "My mother has very little and I won't make her to be so grieved because I ask her too much," I answered. Since my childhood I can felt the sorrow of those around me, especially my Mom. Many times, when I woke in the middle of the night I saw her sleeping face, and even I was still so young but I can felt her sorrow and burden, I wanted to help her and didn't want to make her even more burdened by my wasteful requests. I was used to be silent and mechanical. My mother very seldom asked me about anything neither told her story or what was in her heart, I was just too weak and little to know her mind and I was also reluctant to ask her about that-- a cultural barrier.

Until that time come when the one who I trust departed from my side. As an adolescent, a phase when all the imaginations and desires are become more emerging, I still kept silent. My sister worked so far, my father far away too and my mother fallen a sleep and I was trusted to my aunt's family. Likewise, I worked for my aunt's family without any teenager-ian wants, just worked and studied, relating with them and my friends and my school radio listeners. I just did what I received and that's all.

Even until now in many occasions and chances, I am just as simple as that. I can't play any game nor online game, don't know lots of thing. I am so linear. :)

But in spite of that's all, One thing I know so simply, He is Wonderful!

a violin without strings

Just before lunch time, while I was shelving the books in the library, something caught my eye. That was a tittle of a book in Bahasa Indonesia: "Biola tak berdawai", in English it is " a violin without strings." And this provoke my thought by its symbolic and poetic language. So as soon as I returned the book at its place, I recited this little phrase in my heart and tried find something that I can learn from this.

Once, when I was in Lombok island (an island in the east of Bali) attending a youth competition for several days, on the weekend I got the opportunity to see some teenagers (at my age that time) played their violins very elegantly. The music which came out from their instruments was just so beautiful and heart-warming. Deep inside in my heart, I really wanted to be able to play that instrument, since I had never even touched a violin before. Overwhelmed by amazement, I saw them playing and kept admiring them! O, a teen as I was that time! But the experience in the past taught me to repress anything that is "too big" for me, in this case a violin.

The time came when a year later, I had finished my study in Sumbawa Island and I went to Jogjakarta, in Central part of Java island. There I met my sister's college friend who can play a violin. Seeing my amazement toward his playing, he offered me to teach me violin. I gladly accepted his offer and for a little time he taught me the basic skills. However small the skill I had have, but you can see how joyful my eyes that time were, while wishing somehow and someday I would be able and may continue play a violin.

But again, behind me, the experience imposed me to forget this little sparkling wish. However, even until now I keep this little hope within me, I know that it is just childlike dream or in my dictionary, this is teenagerian want. But this is very funny for me when I am realizing that it (this little want) is with me, LOL.

So, that was the story about violin. In another side, if I come back to the book tittle which has caught my eyes: a violin without string, (I know that there are many possibility, but) what came out in my mind is that, it is under construction or being repaired. Surely in time, a precise and fit strings will be on it. But it is in need of patience just little more time, while waiting its Master placing the new strings on it. Yes, because this violin can never play by itself, what's more without the strings-- its life, which it must receive from its Master. Thereafter The Master plays it and it produces sweet sound. Its beauty always tell His Master's.

I know how poor I am in making an analogy, since I am just a babbling boy. And what do you think you can learn from a violin without a string?

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!