Among the choices

I am wondering that even my own sister and me have different choices and ways in looking a similar event. So are my friends and I think the people around me. The way every person respond to a particular circumstance are also diverse. Each has his/her own uniqueness and characteristics to see and decide what choices they choose, which I believe God knows them perfectly.

I remember last time when in my posting I worried (a lot?) about humility [and obedience], and my great friend encourage me not to that worry about these things, because these things are not something we can produce by our own strength nor hard efforts. He said, "Brother, do not worry too much about humility. It isn't something we can "grow" through our own efforts or will power. By all means, always take the humble and lowest place, but not to gain humility or even to demonstrate it.Seek Christ always first, and do what you see Him doing in your spirit, and accept everything that happens to you, good and bad, with the same cheerfulness (not resignation), the same satisfaction with God's plan for your life."

And when I remember this and once more ponder upon this matter (yesterday and today, 28-05). I found that this is very powerful!

God has provides us a very rich means and opportunities for me [and us] to learn humility and obedience. They are so richly provided by Him as rich as the other blessings He bestows upon us every single day--which we always need.

In this day, when there are so many choices, interactions, communications and thoughts we face or feel or think, inevitably we have to decide how to response or react to certain stimuli or to initiate something. In this, there always the temptation to use the pride, laziness, reproach (my) self, desire to contradict, self-wisdom and stubbornness and then if we are trapped by that, that is the hard shell!! Inside that we can not meet the God of Love and freedom (Tito Colliander, Way of Ascetics).

Therefore I found that what my friend said above is very powerful and wise:

"By all means, always take the humble and lowest place, but not to gain humility or even to demonstrate it.Seek Christ always first, and do what you see Him doing in your spirit, and accept everything that happens to you, good and bad, with the same cheerfulness (not resignation), the same satisfaction with God's plan for your life"

It's very good to take any moments and circumstances today joyfully and with simplicity although in our weaknesses those might be tiresome (But Love never tires!) and yet in our tears and sweat the sound gladness would blossom. We need always focus on Him and ask His blessing in each step. Indeed, He has provided us so richly!It is wonderful to make the Sign of The Cross deliberately, joyfully and reverently and to fill our mouths and hearts and minds with the Psalms for His Greatness while working in the library, translating wonderful spiritual books and any other activities.

Glory to Thee, O God!

Lord Jesus Christ, The Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Something about hope

Once more, a moment in my life which really has great impact and strength in this pilgrimage of life.

As a little boy, I was convinced that anyhow there must be a hope, yet I feared to hope anything. I had to face many things in this life that made me scary and forced me to deal with the reality that were not acceptable and to under-estimate the Hope (and may be the Faith as well). If not, at least there was an attempt to make the hope and Faith become certain abstraction or philosophical thing, a day-dream matter.

But, as The Lord holds my weak and unworthy hand, and He leads me from day to day, I start realize that Hope and Faith and Love in Him would never disappointing. This is not even our effort to believe phenomenal thing or a sophisticate matters. This is by his Grace! How could we understand anything if it is not God who makes us understand, and not only that, but even more so that we might be with Him eternally? By His Ultimate Love, He has been so near and encamped in our midst and drawn us to His Love. And this is great and beyond comprehension, though, Perfect God became Perfect Man and He understands us perfectly! He is so Humble and Gentle in His Majesty and Great Power. He has been very faithful and show His Greatness among his servants in the whole of my life.

And particularly these days, when I am strongly convinced: His servant's Love toward Him has strengthened my Faith and Hope in Him! And certainly where there is a seed of love sown, there will be another Love grows! And by these moments in my life, I am convinced that the Ultimate Hope for us is The Eternal Communion with God, Theosis.

And this is very touching when I reflect from this blog of Romanos: realizing we are but dust and ashes, but in His Greatness, Lord has given us life and really loves us! And another one from this podcast of ancient faith radio, which I quoted here:

"But I believe the gospel because it gives hope beyond us and me. I believe the gospel because it does not deny the reality even the atheist clearly sees. I believe the gospel because in the end, if all we have is ourselves and human evil balanced by human kindness, the end is still ultimately a pointless existence ending in a meaningless death no matter how evil or kind someone is. I believe the gospel because God entered our world, God faced our reality and God did not give us platitudes and pep talks, He bore the lowest reaches of human depravity and declared after three days that no evil is omnipotent, no injustice is eternal, no existence is pointless and no death is meaningless. The darkness, in the end is not the end but brings forth the dawn and the promise of never ending day. I believe the gospel because I know, after looking hard at the world and what I have done in it, I have no true hope if it is not true."

How Great Thou art!

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Thy Will be done

You're more than enough
when the east-west north-south winds persuades
don't you want this?
abandon! that ye will get more
what for ye keep that? That's too little
receive more, more than that
and have your own life!


You're more than anything I need
More than yellow ripen rice in Javadwipa
More than sweet honey from Eastern islands
Your shimmering countenance and amazing voice
make my eyes and ears could not turn around
how great and wonderful
the truly greatness, fullness and perfection are only in You

Your will is perfect from every side
even more than well-cut diamond
why then, not trust?

The greatest force sometimes comes from rear
it may start with little things
the innocent ones
but they distract that focus to His Perfect Will
Let's remember once more the experiences of Salomon
David, Josiah

In the dark and low valley
there the heart wants to shout:
"What is it all about? I understand not"
Then, let's listen to the story
of Righteous Job, Joseph, Noah, Abraham
and of thousands and thousands witnesses
Those who really trust in His Will

and surrender their lives TOTALLY, Joyfully and Faithfully
and they're consumed by the Love of God

Nothing should replace its beauty from our heart
God's Will is my delight
my desire and my everything
This is the purest Joy and the source of deepest Peace
for our souls, for our lives!

Forever!

Refreshed

What a relieve!! This was a nice, warm and sunny Sunday! Good to see my cool friends again today. Especially those who have the classes done so they can smile freely and 'maximally'. The storm and crisis has over and now the new page and white gleaming sands lied in beach of the Next Days.

There is no more anger, hurt and Herbetd can laugh and share again his life with me and my friends. As the close of this wonderful day, we read Psalm 133, what a great psalm for us! For this, special appreciation I give to Romanos, Brock Smith, AR, Marcel and those who read this blog and may we continue to pray for each other!

Glory be unto God, both now and ever and unto ages of ages!

hurt .....[somebody feels]

Here it is, another side of wonderful yesterday! So, as I back to dorm in the evening (around 7 pm), I was walking and interacting with one of my roommate, Jecko. And as we opened the door of our room, another friend, Herbetd looked at me and asked, "Hey, Yudhie have you tapped my smart card?". [So, every time we get to eat, we should bring the smart card (i.e. our ID card) to be tapped, and then we get the coupons or ticket for the meals. If we don't tap the smart card, we will get fined].
"O, friend.... I am sorry, I forgot it" [Herbetd asked me to tap it at lunch time, before exam]
"What? I don't like with what you have done, just don't like your way!" said he angrily.
" I am sorry, I am wrong. I don't want it like this as well. But my mistakes! I am so sorry"
"I don't know... Whatever...", he replied.

Silence.....

Thus, here it is what I have to deal, with a conflict......
Glory to you O God! I am very shame. Shame on me, how careless I am and has wronged my dearest friend... So I spend last night to really contemplate this matter.
It's very benefit that we are made realizing that we also might have mistakes. And in this fallen nature, how easy it is to get wrong in our weaknesses. And thus, we really needs the Mercy from God unceasingly every moment. Thus I need to cling always in him our strong fortress and shield.
Second thing, about the anger..... I remember, when the anger came, in the ugliness of my passions, it is more preferable to look down on the wrong doer. So there will be two labels: the right one or the wrong one. And we tend to use the 'garment' of the first one and we put on the other to the one we angry to. We want the person who has mistake to feel hurt as we do, or at least know how it feels. In the corrupted sense of justice we then become merciless. The focus of the matters becomes the self... There is a want to take a pity, to cry and to have mercy only to the self. Therefore, in this, there will be a certain sense of 'satisfaction' and that satisfaction only comes to the self and make another be the object and the victim of the satisfaction, and hence, the victim of the anger because the source comes from anger. And unfortunately there is certain teaching that somehow use this approach to understand the Loving God. Lord, have mercy. Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy.

God is Love. He would not put us in the side of 'wrong' and traps us there in the box with that label and lock that box with un-opened lock. Instead, he comes to the sinners to realize and give them live, eternal live! And He would not enjoy to see us in the wrong sides in order to 'make' himself right. He is perfect. There is no need to be that way.
But, beyond our corrupted description of Justice, God is Gracious, Merciful and Faithful. How weak, unworthy and sinful I am and it is very easy for me to get wrong.... But indeed, in His Graciousness, Mercy, and Faithfulness he keeps strengthening, holding my hand and lead me back on his way.... He doesn't put us on the box of wrong, instead he realizes us and transform us, from sinners in the darkness to be saints in glory and light, because he is Love and He loves us perfectly and so that He might be able eternally be united with his beloved sons and daughters who He has created in the very image of His..... This is wonderful beyond description!

Therefore, I bow down and pray:

"Have mercy on me, O Lord.... Have mercy on me. behold, Thy unworthy servant, today in my weakness, I have wronged my beloved friend. Lord, may Thou pour out your healing oil of mercy upon my brother Herbetd, on his heart and mind. Heal the wound and anger that I caused, and would you give me the remnant of that, because I also need Thy mercy. But first, May Thou pour it to my brother Herbetd abundantly, and lest the anger trap him. My prayer I arise to you as incense before Thee, and I beseech Thee, protect this my beloved in your strong arms."

Lord, have mercy on us!

A capital F

This stands for friendship. Because today's learning of mine is coming from the fragrance of friendship! This morning has become one of my great mornings with beloved ones around me. And the names goes to my close friends: Irvan and Rita. This morning while we had breakfast together and babbling so many things around the final exams and also foreign language learning (Russian), we talked and share each other. This is nice time, any way.... So in the breakfast table we share about our 'inventions' during the week.
And the interesting part is when Irvan share about his newest software which he got from Internet. We smiled and listen to him during the breakfast time. He was so enthusiastically to share how wonderful it is. If I am not getting wrong, the name is "Microsoft student". From our point of view as a prospective teachers, this little aid is very powerful and useful to recommend to our future students. There are many excitements, laughs and smiles there. I am touched by this togetherness with Rita and him... And that makes me Contemplate...

How exciting it is if we found something good and make it known to someone or anyone else. This will surely become something that not only makes our self full of joy and cheers but also those around us. If there is one little thing that Irvan found and in his excitement he shared that with us (me and Rita) and make this morning different, then actually we have something more joyful and greater joy we can share each morning, each day and each breath of our noses. That is the Love of God, the Risen Christ and his Holy Body, The Holy Orthodox Church.....

At least, I want to tell them whenever they ask.....

Answering honestly, answering patiently and answering not just with an answer....
It's not something for us to keep for ourselves, but let's be like Samaritan woman who after saw the Messiah, she acted joyfully and witnessed and told people around her and they come to know True Christ, even they themselves know Lord Jesus Christ thereafter.

Regardless of our unworthiness and weaknesses (in this I am the most), let's joyfully spread the good news to this world, to the beloved ones around us. Remember, the first gospel of Incarnation was entrusted to the simple shepherds in Bethlehem and behold they came to Him and spread that news.... The Light of Light was once made known to the fishermen of Galilee, and they becomes the Apostles of the world.... The Radiant Resurrection once shown to The Women and they were strengthened to tell the world and their witnesses even trustworthy until now and forever!

Then, we know that God chooses the humble ones and those who don't depend on their own strengths. But who stand lowly before him with contrite heart yet in the fullness of joy, the unspeakable joy for the Greatness Joy and Grace that is Revealed by The Son! "Lord, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner! Grant O Lord that I always stand in awe and amazement before Thou and bless my mouth and tongue and soul and all of my life to bring the light to those who by Thy Providence Thou alloweth to be around me and I be among them! Amen.

Deep...

For some people, Monday is a busy day and of course this can makes them tiresome. And uniquely, mine is Tuesday! Yesterday, I worked in Yohannes Oentoro Library for 7 hours, shelving nice and sometimes heavy books, that's nice though... Library has always been a nice place for me and my friends!

And the hard part of the day used to be in the evening.... I felt little bit tired and yet I compelled my self to read some Binomial Probability concepts, and great, by the excitement I feel to study these stuffs, consequently my tire is forgotten...

And until that very beautiful moment came... I step nearer and nearer in the front of the Holy Icon of Christ, our Lord... As I made the Sign of the Cross and whispering, "In the The name of The Father and of The Son and of The Holy Spirit. Amen..." and I gaze unto his great and radiant Image and I spoke gently, "Glory to You, O God......"

And this moment always be the joyful moment for me after passing the day and that the day came to the close. How glad it is to see the face of my Lord God and to be with him all the day long. This is the greatest revelation ever in this life.... "Whoever sees me, sees My Father..."

Lord, O Lord, How great it is when you reveals Thyself and Thy will and Thy Radiant Glory, The more Thou draw me nearer unto Thee and Reveals Thyself, The deeper Joy and Peace Thy servants behold and taste.

Great it is to be with The Lord, "Wherever I am, there also my servants be." There is nothing more desirable and glorious and amazing than to be with The Lord, my God and to be among His holy beloved ones' companion!

Lord Jesus Christ the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Overcome...

Yesterday, when I was in the public transportation vehicle, I saw a young lady got a little disturbed said to the driver, "Can you be quicker, sir! It's hot weather now.... Don't keep stopping!" Moments ago, in FJ Square, I saw a friend who intended to cut the line :P. And this morning the same thing with the lift queue!I myself, delay my paper and add little longer time for online! I am not listing down the wrongs here, but just wanna to learn and reflect from those little things. It's very casual and usual maybe, but even from the very least thing in our day, we can learn from it.

I once again remember the story about some captives in China during 20th century. The teller told me (and my friends) how each one of them just thought about what is best for themselves and despise others. They sought the warmth, the comfort and food for each. And here is what I learn: How difficult it is to overcome ourselves and live and care for others!

I am writing this not as a 'wise man' or an experienced man in this journey of life, rather as a fellow pilgrim! Let's learn-- and listen to The Teacher, The Most Wise One and through with his wonderful Disciples who has had lived it! They not only record the teaching or 'lesson' in a decaying scrolls, even more they treat themselves as a scrolls itself, so that their lives might become the opened scrolls, witness, the clouds of witnesses for us!

I am always amazed with the act of self-denial. Because, as I stated above, it is very difficult to overcome myself!

In this modern and instant world, we are being attracted by the desire to bath ourselves with entertainments and (forgive me) fake satisfactions. In this, we want to grab them unto ourselves: pleasure from anywhere, loves from others, popularity, luxury, power even if it is possible, the earth wealth!

Therefore, I plea unto The Most Holy Trinity:
Grant me this petition, O God: Give me a time when I would overcome myself, free me and lest me be enslaved by those desires and their deceitful fantasies. Grant me, Thy unworthy servant, Thy Grace, that I might remove myself-- deny it! And thus I would encounter and see Thou more clearly and also my neighbors! And indeed, Thou Thyself has been my God and my neighbor in Thy perfect Divinity and perfect Humanity!

And I heard this in my heart:

"Today is that time, but this journey is not instant, nor should ye try by your own strength... never! It starts with unmasking of any coverings or veil you use to hide yourselves to the Source of Light... (remember Adam and Eve)! Peel it off (Remember what one of Holy Prophets said, our own righteousness is like dirty clothes) and receive the Garment from His Gracious Hands.
Open the window, let His Light enters to every room of your being; even to the darkest corners. Let His Light shines upon you and sweeps the darkness away, in this you encounter a radiant peace and joy and relieve, the best ever! Listen to the saying of our beloved Father Gregory of Sinai:

God immediately forgives everything to those who ask forgiveness in a spirit of humility and contrition and who ceaselessly invoke His holy name. As the Psalmist says, 'Confess to the Lord and call upon His holy name' (cf. Ps. 105:1).

Bow down and weep together with the Publican and The Repentant Woman under the Feet The Most Gracious Lord, "Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!"

And that starts, now, Today, fellow pilgrim! If (we) simply don't know which step first, then with me say, "Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!" unceasingly. And behold, God reveals His Will to His servants as to his own beloved sons and strengthen us, even transform us from a sinner to be a saint! And once He has revealed His will to you, simply say'"Yes, Lord!" or if we once said "No" and we regret, come back and follow Him even more wholeheartedly and joyfully!


Lord, have mercy on us!

another poem....

O Lord, my God...
Hear Thy humble servant's voice
words from weed pot of my unworthy heart
In great and unspeakable joy
For Thy countenance covering me
and Thy marvelous deeds I behold

Thou giveth me sound, sound story to tell
This is so fragrant like the smell..
of wild cherry in the mountains
and wonderful like
young lion roaring in the night dessert

This also a story about man of Thine
comes from North, West, Far...
His name once was Dew in my ear
But now he is Rain
Maketh green, clean and seen
the young leaves of forgotten forest

Sprung by kindness and grown by freshness
Flows his virtues like a river of humility

Thus I sit in the corner of the bridge
Smile in stillness
Through him Thou hast made my eyes glow
with flashing light of hope
and my weak legs step even stronger

Too wonderful....

God's Way or.... mine

Today is a very sunny day here in Indonesia, yet so far this is a very nice weather for those who want to go outside..... This is a great day, anyway! And this has been a blessing for me to notice that the flag counter indicates some new flags and I would say thanks for those visitors.

This thought came up to my consideration when yesterday, (Friday 15/05) I was really touched by the kindness of my lecturer, Ibu Dumaria. She teaches us Probability in the afternoon, in the midst of tiresome day. Yet, after she had to finish the class and looked upon us and notice we still had some confusions, she offered, "If you want to stay and learn or clarify something more, you could and for those who wanna leave, it is OK as well." This is may be seems simple, but I was really struck when I thought a little bit deeper. I realized that she must be very tired that day and yet she did something inspite of her tiredness and maybe that would required her to spend more times, energy and patience for the goodness of her beloved students. Eventually she did it. Simple action, but I think this is a great matter.

Why? Because she chose not to do something only for herself, but for others although this will harm herself. This is not about being 'good' or 'nice' but it is about the 'beauty' of love. Sometimes in my weakness and imperfectness, it seems more pleasurable to keep myself in the comfort zone! Just keep anything pleasurable and enjoyable. Seek refreshments and entertainments (exceedingly)! Instead of doing papers and homeworks, it seems much more preferable to read the news or to be behind the internet screen. Sometimes, this beauty of love not necessary always in big things. This is so real: in the way we look to the waitress, in our silence, and in our way of closing the door, in listening, in speaking and in our small sacrifices to others.

But, is that always comes from our own strength? Our own goodness? Let's always remember that every good things, including those little good deeds in us comes from The Lord God. And I love this saying from my great friend so much: All you have to do is follow closely behind Him, and you will begin to change into His image, as you do what you see Him doing. It is the easiest thing in the world to do. Knowing our insufficiency, we say unceasingly, "Lord Jesus Christ, The Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!"

Only in obeying Him and desiring His will in each day and every single moment in our life, then we will not only 'looks good' and nice..... but more than that! We will be transformed into His image. We do what we are doing in gladness and joy, as we do to the Lord and not to [please or to awe] men! Thus, it is great wisdom to choose to follow His Way: this is the best thing ever! Even it seems not the way we want... nor the 'pleasure' we want instantly taste! But, indeed this is the joy above joys --to be with the Master!

Glory to Thee O God! Glory to Thee!

Lord Jesus Christ, The Son of God, have mercy on me!

wandering around

Yesterday (11 May), when I was sitting among my friends in TC, a thought come up to my mind

I remember when I heard about the story of the Israelite went out from the slavery in Egypt. God has been so love and be faithful to His beloved people, instead of their unbelieving and hardened heart. So many wonders had been revealed to them. There's no nation had been that close to God, even God reveals himself and dwelt in the midst of them.

But, I am once again struck by the response of the Israelite, which many times also become my improper aptitude toward the Loving God. He is so near and be among us, yet in my sinful nature, I am easily get distracted to other things. This is just like Adam and Eve who was distracted by the temptation from Satan and thus desires something else, a very vain thing rather than God. How faithful God has been and his grace has been so abundantly poured out to his beloved ones, but behold, there is a time when they --and we attempted to make "our own version of blessedness" by wandering around: good names, exceeding pleasures, fake satisfactions, sensual imaginations, etc which our Holy Fathers in really wise and discernment warn us to avoid. In fact, there is nothing we can do in this journey except God allows it, and without his blessing and our obedience to The Most Benevolent God, what does it mean, that must be meaningless.

Be watchful, my soul! Lest ye drawn to such imagination. Don't you remember, how in his greatness and yet in humility he says, "Don't worry....". Be mindful and wise. Who does say such amazing thing in the midst of broken and imperfect world? Christ himself! This is terrific, for God himself says that to us in his Great Knowledge of our inmost being and needs. If we are in Christ, should we be in want and seek vainglory and temporal matters for the sake of self? He thus giveth us this command, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and its righteousness and these will be added to you!"

Don't be deceived, in God alone our soul can find its rest and peace, the true joy that this world can not even offer! Why do you so worry? Trust him and behold his Mighty Hands among his servants, His saints and His angelic warriors . Trust him with all your heart, He is with us. "Ask...., Seek..., and Knock...."
Let's learn from Adam and Eve.... And learn form Israel, the beloved among nations and how their hunger which were not directed to God became great sorrows for them. Let's learn from Saul's story, Salomon's, Jude Iscariot' s and even our own--my own failures. Remember God more than your breathes!

(to be continued... paper assignment waiting... :)

Through the prayers of our Holy Fathers and All Saints, O Lord have mercy on us and save us! Most Holy Theotokos, have mercy on me Thy unprofitable servant.

How gracious!

This has been a great, long journey through which God has guided me along. Some steps are like the meadows in the daylight, warm sunny seasons and some in the darkest, long and cheerless nights. Yet, this has been too wonderful for me to understand Thy way, O my Lord!

I behold, how Thy warm hugs and tender voices filling my inmost soul and how Thy rod hast leadeth me into a very beautiful foreign land, the places and times which I have never thought I would be and I have never known in the past. How gracious Thou art O God, that Thou hast given me, Thy unprofitable servant such wonderful gifts: Thy Son, The Lord himself, Immanuel. And Thou has shown me and invited me to The Holy Orthodox Church, to be among Thy saints' Communion both in heaven and on earth. I fall down in my knees for Thy great mercy upon Thy unworthy servant, a terrible sinner!

Even more, Thou, By Thy bountiful Power hast made me known to Thy wonderful servants, the great ones. Through them Thou send forth Thy blessings and reveal Thy Love, Mercy and Protection, both for my earthly and spiritual needs.

Glory to Thee O God, Glory to Thee!
Glory to The Father and to The Son and to The Holy Spirit, both now and ever and unto the ages of ages.

just can't feel it, simply

This reflection is very great I copied from http://www.westsrbdio.org/prolog/my.html. Check it out:

A monk complained to St. Arsenius that while reading Holy Scripture he does not feel, neither the power of the words read nor gentleness in his heart. To that the great saint will reply to him: "My child, just read! I heard that the sorcerers of serpents, when they cast a spell upon the serpents, the sorcerers are uttering the words, which they themselves do not understand, but the serpents hearing the spoken words sense their power and become tamed. An so, with us, when we continually hold in our mouths the words of Holy Scripture, but even though we do not feel the power of the words, evil spirits tremble and flee for they are unable to endure the words of the Holy Spirit." My child, just read! The Holy Spirit Who, through inspired men, wrote these divine words, will hear, will understand and will hasten to your assistance; and the demons will understand will sense and will flee from you. That is: He Whom you invoke for assistance will understand, and those whom you wish to drive away from yourself will understand. And both goals will be achieved.

a beautiful fruit blossoms - love toward God.

This week I remember as the week when peple worry about swine flu which then becomes a very hot topic all around the world....

and also the flood in Brazil and .....

the arrest of Anti Corruption Committee Head of Indonesia, Antasari,

and also the the one year of official presidency of Dmitry Medvedev!

And by the way, this week has been so nice for me because I 'meet' a very great friend, Romanos (His blog, The Cost of Discipleship, click here)

And especially today, when I got a very nice and worthy tought to consider...

Ehm, actually I will not discuss about news or any politics here, just wanna share a nice thing that happen upon me, a little one during this precious time. Recently I read the book entitled Way of Ascetics by Titto Colliander (online version) that makes me reflect on how the spiritual person firstly and mainly desires to please God even this can be harmful for him or herself.

The next few hours after that, I listened to the podcast of Father Tom Soroka entitled "Enthusiasm for the Truth" one of his Sermon at St. Nicholas collection. That was really touching and yet encouraging podcast to listen, especially by Father Tom's description of the courage to take risk by Joseph of Aritmatea for asking Pilate for Jesus' body and how The Holy Myrhbearer Women showed their love toward the Lord, their fear after their visitation to the tomb and then how they are blessed by God and God said not to be affraid! That was so great!

And this morning, when I was pondering upon the passage of Genesis 15 that tells about the covenant of The Lord with Abram (later on Abraham). The first verse said "After these things the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision, saying, "Do not be afraid, Abram. I [am] your shield, your exceedingly great reward." This is very interesting for me personally. Bacause God stated Himself as "your exceedingly great reward" for Abram.

And I think this is why we are made worthy to be called the spiritual son of Abraham who inherited the God's promised covenant with him and that all nation will be blessed trough his descendant. Because I believe that the very promise we inherrited from Abraham is The Lord himself to us, that is the greatest revelation ever in the history of human kind to him and to us! Because of his obedience and the love of God, his enthusiasm toward the Truth he trust in the Lord, God accounted it to him for righteousness and the same thing with our beloved Virgin Mary...

That is so great truth to describe the wonderful love of God, to marvellous and I don't have a single sufficient word to express it!

What or Who then do we desire today, here and now and forever above all things?

He is our exceedingly great reward for us. Not because of our own version of goodness and seekings. But because of His Grace, Mercy and Love to the humble and unworthy one.Those who seeks first His Kingdom and its rightousness, will certainly be glad and joyful and see and taste it-- even not only they but also the angels and the whole universe be joyful! And behold, He has already reveals himself and His Holy Body in the fulness of Grace of God for the sake of Love for His bride! Awesome!

Glory to Thee O God!

Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

Waiting: boring or benefitting?

Waiting has formally become part of daily activities, for me personally. Living in the dormitory together with 800 scholarship students from every corner of this 2,4 hundred million country has been(by providence of Lord), a great experience for me and as part of it, is the 'enqueue culture'.

So, sometimes I have to wait until I get my meal in the Food Junction, to enter in the chapel and even to use the elevator and many other activities, inevitably requires me to wait. When I am staring at this little fact, I have just realized that even to wait is such good providence for us. Many times I find myself can not wait or delay my wishes. In responsing to other people, my beloved friends, I can't wait until I really listen.

As the result, instead of to be responsive and supportive, I become reactive. This happens because I used to be in hurry, in a rush. And the temptation is to be 'as quickly as possible to react, assume we understand and instantly solve the problem.' This 'instant mechanism' philosophy which has been powerfully attracting our modern world is to some extent has influenced the mind state.

Surprisingly, I found that waiting can be so profitable. In this time space we can be reflective by remembering Psalm, The Live of the Saint, or Wise words from the fathers. And in the stillness we can keep quiet and invoking his Holy Name. The providence in order to be mindful and watchfull in any occasion during the day and a very good time to pray.

Glory to God!

Restlessness

My souls keep seeking and searching.... When I look upon my self, I wonder that each new day, naturally or instinctively I always want something new and better and other thing that is sometimes I just feel the hunger of my soul wake up when my physical body rise up from my bed.

Without noticing it, or in a better word when I was not aware, it is easily for me to get driven by it. And sadly, even this can be self-seeking. Is that anything wrong with it? Isn't just natural thing that we born with? And I am convinced that the world certainly answer: Oh yes, of course this is just humanly thing! Your job is just fulfill them, maximize your potential and make your self up and be merry! Your life is yours! And none else can make you happy other than your own choice! You can, and will be what you want and simply to say: just do it! You're fee and unique! Come on, feel free and safe to fulfill and actualize your self at your best!

But is it really? I am doubt. The first one, each one of humankind as the fallen being who was once fell to sin and thus lost his glory and separated from his genuine source of his very satisfaction, God!

'never quit attitude': perseverance

As a math student, I was sometimes finding so much challenges and even the feeling of get stuck at some point. Besides, somehow it is very difficult to understand and master certain concept easily, smoothly doing homeworks or getting great grades in the exams (it sounds hedonistic, right?!). Rather, it is sometime tricking me and I don't know where to go.

(I Gotta probability class right now, hope to contunue later!)