It is good at least to realize that our joy doesn't depend on what world say and think of us. Joy is there only because the Lord has been so faithful and true, sustaining our existence from one day to another. It is still near the Holy Pascha and also still in the shadow of the Brilliant Joy for the created beings, because Christ is risen! And glory to God for His goodness letting us see and hear our brothers and sisters in Christ around the world also celebrating this Great Day, proclaiming His greatness. Alleluia!
Now, it is yet a time for me to enter into the weeks that are uneasy. From this week on, I would be dealing with some works which are sometimes exhausting. Papers, Work requirements, projects, exams, presentations... they makes me feel somewhat anxious, really anxious. I am not a knowledgeable man, and my weaknesses is here within me. How easy it is for me to be distracted, nervous and lethargic. Lord, have mercy. What for is it for me to worry if Your help is at hand? It is something beautiful that You have entrusted me to do here, but how could I become so discouraged and overwhelmed? Lord, remember my weaknesses and grant Thy unworthy servant wisdom and strength.
It is not easy when my insecure feelings and even the fear of failure draw near. It's tough. Yet, I don't depend on my own wisdom (in fact, who said that I am wise? :D), but on His! And how comforting it is when I am reminded that I don't have to do it by myself, with my own power. No. If so, I would have fallen away in the very first step, I don't have strength. But by Him and His merciful kindness I am being here now still alive and taste His sweetness. Your mercy O Lord, Your mercy I beg with sigh and tears!
Lord, how weak my heart is! Help me Lord, to submit myself in obedience to welcome everything that are sent by You. Because You want to heal me, because You love me so... even though they are hard or even bitter, yet You are my rest, my peace and my sweetness and in You I trust. Never let your servant away from Your presence because of my foolishness. I want to receive them, Lord grant me courage. Even when I fail and fall and ashamed, never leave me. Yet, O Lord who am I that I dare to ask your help... Put me O Lord wherever You want, in Your love... yes, even in the darkness and sorrow, may I be there if Your love desires... but still, in Your love I will cling and hold unto, Lord! For the sake of Thy Most Pure Mother and of all the saints, O Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on us and save us! Amen!
And I,Romanos, far away from you and far from my home, pray these prayers of supplication with you, my brother and friend Yudhie. God grant us in mercy to receive Him at all times and say Yes to His will and His call.
ReplyDeleteAmeyn! Thanks for your true words, brother... It is very encouraging.
ReplyDeleteChrist is risen! Welcome back, Yudhie.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that this time ahead of you is something to be grateful for -- a struggle that will bear spiritual fruit, as you use it to cultivate the kind of humility and obedience and dependence on God that you have shown in this post. Isn't it wonderful how God uses the various events in our lives to transform us?
May God bless you in your efforts.
He is risen, indeed!
ReplyDeleteHow glad my heart is to behold your kindness, Elissa, Ian! Yes, Elissa it is wonderful that we are belong to Christ Himself! And brother Ian, thanks for your prayers! :)