Tottered steps

Someday ago, I smiled when my friend told me --while he was inviting me to take a walk to get some food, "I think this is one of the ways we can avoid boredom." "Yeah," I said, "That's a good idea... Let's see!"

From my childhood, I really prefer routines :D, rather than the adventurous road or novelty. However, sometimes when I think of that, I find that for someone else that can be really monotone or yes, boring :D. Yet, somehow, this is what my tendency is: to stay and do the things which has been set. Sometimes to try something new, I will have to deal with anxiety, nervousness and shame on me... I would prefer to avoid it as if it's a threat! Yeah, that's me. Lord, have mercy!

At times, I bowed down to the Lord to grant me courage and strength, as I struggle with this way of thinking and feeling. But, I really thank the Lord for He is so faithful and merciful. He is strong and mighty, and yes, I am lame and weak but knowing that He is my Lord, my heart trust in Him. He grants me such times, which for me it is not very comfortable and easy, but through those rich times, He has taught my hands for battle. In my weaknesses, sometimes I become impatient and self-pitying. I thought that as fast as it is possible, I wanted to be such and such... to appear confident, strong, admirable... in my own way. But what is that if not vanity and self-desire?

Lord, have mercy! Let me be weak, if it is according to Your will, and reveal Your Glory! You have given everything I need so sufficiently, even when I was so reluctant to ask for it. You are my strength, my shield and my light. In You I trust; You are my Joy. Only, Lord lest my passion swallow Your unworthy servant, lest my anxiety rob the joy and sweetness that you graciously pour out. Lest the laziness, fear and reluctance withdraw me from sincere love. Lest my tottered steps be a stumbling block for the brethren to come and adore You. Hide me O Lord, hide me under Your wing! Let your light alone, Your light alone shines so brightly in us!

It is good to remember this saying of my brother in Christ, "Seek Christ always first, and do what you see Him doing in your spirit, and accept everything that happens to you, good and bad, with the same cheerfulness (not resignation), the same satisfaction with God's plan for your life." A very strong reminder it is. Yes, Christ is everything! He is joy, He is life, He is light... He is the source of life.

With your blessing, O Lord, in each step and hold me fast when the storm comes
Your mercy, O Lord I beg
Let me not live for my carnal desires, my own satisfaction and pleasure
but for You, O Loving Master
shall I live,
As unworthy as I am
but grant me courage to praise You
and have Your name in my heart, in my mouth, in my mind and in my hands,
to love and care Your beloved ones, my neighbors
and fulfill Your commandments with the strength which You give!
Through the prayers of Thy Most Pure Mother and of St. Theophilus of Zakyntos and of All the Saints, have mercy on us and save us. Amen