Joy of the present

Going to far away places after working like crazy can be so amazing. Along the way you can make new friends, seeing rare things with your heart, and getting intensely inspired! That is what I am experiencing right now. I am at my Dad's house in Portland, Oregon the moment I am writing this post. And so far this has been a priceless journey.

Like never before I experience such sweet confidence and peace being in companion of my friends and taking risk of reaching out to others despite being rather self-conscious. It is a minute-by-minute wonder when I looked back the time when I could talk with my co-worker Ekadesy so enjoyably in my flight from Palembang to Jakarta. We talked as good friends share laughters and panic, being silly and fun. I wish her amazing time to meet her boyfriend and family in Timor island.

Another great(may be -est) moment that I had that Friday evening at Jakarta airport (June 13 Indonesian Time) was to meet such a warm-hearted new friend from Hong Kong, Jacky. We cherised the time we had together. He is a cool friend with such good heart. He is very excited about Indonesian wild life and culture in general. I taught them a few Bahasa words that might be helpful for him when he meets local people. Fingers crossed, Jacky!

Meeting those two amazing people has been good sign for my trip to USA this time. It is indeed a blessing beyond what my words can contain. Enjoying the presence of each other and exchanging love is awesome. This reminds me of what my beloved Mother Gavrilia who said '... human hearts never stops being good..." and another part of her book which said how beautiful it is that God sends "fellow travellers" in our life. I am deeply grateful to witness what she meant.

Things unfold to be very good one after another. No other joy can be told more humbly and beautifully than the joy of the present  moment with God. It is the very moment when God is with us and working in us and through us despite our weaknesses. He puts on a veil on our face, so that others might see us as what He deems as best.

This is yet the first day of my journey but already I am so blessed. I am excited to be with Dad and witnessing great moments ahead. Happy Father's Day, Dad! Thank You, Lord.

being faithful

After awhile, I come across this topic of being faithful. This seems to me to be the week-long reflection which eventually written down into this post. 

In my work life during the month, it could be somehow exhausting. Needless to say that the past few days has been rather tough for me both physically and mentally. Special fatigue came from long list of due dates and students affairs which seems so dynamics and 'endless'. Once I got chance to share it with my friend, I told him very casually that I feel overwhelmed. To my surprise his response was very unusual. Instead of telling me to try harder and 'don't give up', he very indistinctly said,"Just slow down, man!" That's all and I kept silent for a moment.  

Wow! I exclaimed to my self. That's it. That was actually all I needed to hear. I need to slow myself down; well not in a sense of slothfulness --but rather to lay aside all those burdens of proving great works and trusting more to the Lord! He takes care and what I need to do is to say yes to every of His will. The Lord knows that his servants also need rest and I feel almost like dancing in my heart. Yes. I need to slow down to be able to collecting myself and be totally there. 

So, how can this relate to 'faithfulness'? Hm. Well, that came to me a few days later. So, there I was trying to make it easy and slow down a little bit. The moment when I started to agonizing about what shall I do or how can I manage to do multiple tasks, etc; I give it up in prayers and whisper to myself, "Totally slow down, please." Ta-da! That's awesome. The moment I became calmer, the specific things which I could work on flew by itself. Without even realizing it, I started do the things I need to do. Praise the Lord. So, I understand now, we cannot accomplish anything simply by being panic and anxious. But by being still and know that the Lord is there, that He shines His countenance upon us! And that is where our faithfulness takes form; since "Without Me, you can do nothing." In keeping the remembrance of Him and not being distracted by stormy sea around us, then we can give our self totally to Him!

And finally, I want to share this simple but beautiful words of beloved Mother Lila, "All feelings of anxiety spring from imagination. I, too am in this world. I, too, have to pay my telephone bill and all the rest. But I am not anxious. Because I know that the Lord will provide what is necessary at the right moment - exactly what and how much is needed." (The Ascetic of Love, p. 333)

--Glory to You, O Christ! --Such a beautiful faith! Faith which led her faithful till the end.  

SOulSpeech (part 1)

ehm....
This is my very first edition in this blog. I am just trying something new and hopefully it can be useful for me, and for all of you! I felt a little bit tired today and one thing I can do is smile as wide as I can. For what? for everything that is happening in my life now. Sometimes it's just awesome to me to be here at this time although sometimes I have to deal with my friends, fear-courage, doubt and trust, tears and laugh and my self.

I wonder, for me it can be hard to relate with other people. I need more time and more strength to give a part of my life and trust it to my beloved friends and neighbors. I really love them, don't I? But many times my fear and ego persist me to do, think something for other.

Ah, that's may be caused by the unfulfilled of myself. I feel unsecured, alone and maybe helpless. Honestly I was used to be a very selfish people. I tried to figure out anythings alone and work for my self and even get the pleasures for my soul. And I can feel it even in the holy or right things such as pray, fast or anything. It's a little bit hard for me to entrust what is in me to many people around me. But as I deeply think about it, I found that there are two major factors caused me to be so.
The first one came from inside me, that is the hunger of my soul. I got so many embarrassment in my childhood and also some rejection. Many times the little me acted as what others supposed it is kind, nice and good. But sometimes this came from my effort to be accepted and safe. Besides, I also learned many exceptions through out my past life like because I was fatherless then I not necessarily learn how to deal with many man work (customs). Those kinds of fear and unfair situations finally formed my automatic emotional code inside my brain. And I found that that can cause the dishonesty because i can not show who really am I, instead the masked I am because I was not used to be truly me.

But I also have to be careful with the golden trap in dealing with this issue, that is the self-pity which can form another mask for me and also the impulsive attitude toward it. Actually they are not my enemies, rather they are my friends: the fear, sadness, hunger, tears and anger. As their friend, I want to just sit with them, talk and huge them. The more I hate and oppose them the more they will love me and vice versa. What I need to do is to greet them and let them by. Never reject them because If it is so, They will take control over me.

Even the deeper I think about it, I found that If I would hear the very heart of me and not try to pretend to be good. There is a great clue from that sound of fear and anger to the true place. Just sit and talk with them in your silence and just invite The Friend of friends to accompany you and ask for His mercy, he will help you to be wise in dealing with your friends. Whoever drink from The Waters, he will never be drought again. So wonderful. But there is also a trap here, that is when I think that those friends will not appear again or be destroyed wholly from my life. That will not happen, because they are my self. Could I destroy my essence, my soul? Absolutely not. They will always surround me because there they are. What I should be aware of is the trap and what their words try to teach me!


To be continued tommorow,
From SPH Sentul City with Love

Yudi