The Framework

These days and what happened in them has made me think and contemplate on a really serious matter in life. That is how we live (both consciously and unconsciously) our lives in term of relation with others. Yes, I am familiar with the sacred commandment to love others as myself. But how miserable it is when I look back and reflect on what have I done and have I been doing. Lord, have mercy! I don’t have love from my own, but am too busy with my own fears, cares and dreams.

I remember someone said that the state of one’s heart is evident in the way he thinks, speaks and acts. The Lord Himself said, “But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man”. (St. Mat 15:18). Since starting from there-the heart- is where we work out our energies and operate our stewardship. And for me, what I can see is my own fearfulness. I have such a fearful heart. Many times I find that I am very preoccupied with threats. I assume that the world around me is threatening, and my heart couldn’t be still. This is especially true in the case when I meet the new situations and people. Inaudibly, I can be so touchy and self-centered. In many situations, it’s just need to switch one “Click!” and instinctively the ‘defense mechanism’ turns on. When and where then the love and care for others so long as I am so deceived and occupied? Lord, have mercy!

In His faithfulness and mercy, the Lord reminds me through His beloved friend, that it is for us to look at others and forget ourselves (to care and love others). We trust in Him who is the Lover of Mankind. Exactly in this part is my vulnerable part. I used to do anything to protect my comfort zone or territory. It is not that easy to meld my hardened and mistrusting heart to simply trust my friends and yes even my enemies to do whatever to me as the Lord allows. At least as long as I use my old frame of “let me try to be so-so” with my own will power, then I am deceiving myself. Let’s say I were to be judged as Christ was, I would flattered many words to protect myself from any harm. This word is really speaking to me:

“... but letting others treat us badly, say bad things about us, make us do what is unpleasant or unfair, and to not try to defend oneself (that is humility)”

Lord, Only Thee, Only Thee hath the power and Love to transform and soften my heart. It’s only by Your Grace, my part is to say Yes to Thy Holy Will and follow Thee in obedience. Lord, nail me; nail me with Your Love to be as Thou wilt me to be. In every sighs and tears O Lord may Thy mercy sufficient to comfort me and let me throw myself under Thy Holy Feet! But help me O Lord in all things to take heeds to Your Holy commandments and to live it and to do it as weak as I am in Thy mercy. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me! May Thy Words becomes the Light unto my feet. My it be my framework in Life. To see Thee, O Lord, to follow Thee is the greatest joy of all. Change my heart O God! Let this cruel sinner be your faithful servant, by Thy mercy! Ameyn!

A Homily by St. Nikolai Velimirovich

About how the slothful man excuses himself

"The slothful man says: A lion is outside; in the streets I might be slain!" (Proverbs 22:13).

In order to justify his slothfulness, the slothful man emphasizes the difficulties and obstacles of a certain task and magnifies them beyond measure. If a man annoys him, he will say that the entire village annoys him; if the leaves rustle, he will justify that he is unable to go to work because of a storm; if a rabbit is in front of his house, he will say it is a lion! He says this in order not to leave the house and to delay his work.

Slothfulness is completely contrary to the nature of man. The nature of man is activity; the nature of man seeks to be occupied, to work and to build. Slothfulness is the sure sign of a distortion of the nature of man. That slothfulness is a terrible vice is clear in that an active man is never envious of the slothful man, while the slothful man is envious of the active man; in the same manner a sober man is not envious of the drunk, while the drunk is envious of the sober man.

O Lord, ever-active Creator, save us from the dull and sinful slothfulness by which we distance ourselves from our primordial nature [created] from Your image and likeness, Master of all things! Inspire us, with Your Holy Spirit, all-compassionate and joy-creating.

To You be glory and thanks always. Amen.

Quoted from: http://www.stgeorgehermitage.org/prologue.php

goes beyond words

I find recently that my casual way of communicating using my second language, Bahasa Indonesia (my mother tongue is Javanese) is somehow a little bit difficult for me. At times, my tongue was twisted and even using some broken grammar when talking with my friends :D. Like yesterday when I was going to the Food Junction to take my lunch. It's funny when I realized that I spoke sometimes irrelevantly and with a little bit chaotic grammar. I wondered, how could it be when I become a teacher one day. I hope my students will understand yet. Lord, have mercy!

As I pondered that event, there was one little thing came up to my mind. It is about the universal language. Here in Indonesia, there are many occasions in which I have to deal with people from many local ethnics. Each has their own dialects and ways of speaking. When I remember those times, it reminds me that it is not the exactness of the words or dialect which makes us really communicate. It is the 'who' and 'how' seems to be more determining. I don't deny the importance of exact words though, but in the deeper and even deepest sense, it is love which speaks clearer anytime.

Very interesting it is to notice that even two people who don't really understand each other's language are still being able to communicate. It is the act which comes out of willingness to reach, to understand and to care other persons helps the persons to touch each others and achieve the mutual understanding. It is in that one mind and heart that the persons begin to feel belong and then learn the 'what'. And it is true then what St. James admonished us, "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters!* Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger". (James 1:19)

Thus I learn that it is not only the beauty of the words-- and not only the 'what' that we think or we speak and we try to give others will be planted in our beloved minds and really matters, but how much love that we bring with the words, the smile, the nods, the reach, the touch, the sighs, the enthusiasm, the sincerity, the cares, etc which will speaks so undeniably to their being. Yet, even when they despise it all for any reason, it is precious in the eyes of The Lover of mankind.

Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!

An elder said...

O blessed soul, listen to this. Nothing you can say about prayer is enough. Because prayer never ends,... It is a discussion with God. I cannot tell you what a person feels while praying. One thing must be made known, and that is that the soul of the faithful one needs to pray endlessly. When the doxology ends, supplication begins. When supplication ends, requests begin. And then one starts all over again. When one prays he also remembers his wondering brother and prays daily to God for his illumination and that he may be blessed to find his way to salvation.

***

Archimandrite Ioannikos, An Athonite Gerontikon, p.350

not too much, nor too little

Looking at the cloudy day, and feeling the rising of the temperature today makes me expect the the delayed rain. It can be very exhausting actually especially in the mid-day. I stared out the window and I realize that many of my friends are going somewhere, to their hometowns. Yet it's still the first week of the semester break so praise God that I am still enthusiastic for what will come next!
Recently many things the Lord has allowed to happen and that makes me very glad. Yet, it is always in my mind to love the ordinariness of anything. I am not really sure if I am using a correct word for this. It reminds me of what my best friend said, "Be moderate, brother and don't loose your temper". A very wise instruction it is.
It's always gladsome to experience such exciting moments, those events which triggers our strong emotional responses. And as a youth, I find myself in kind of attraction to anything 'different', sensational or unusual. It might be called a uniqueness, but can also move beyond that, something really extraordinary. And I believe that everybody has this kind of uniqueness, they're awesome. Just like medicine, this might be good to refresh our minds to try or experience something new, but once it gets too much or if it happens to be too little, that can be harmful. These extremes can bring us into state of severe boredom because of its too high predictability or impulsive addiction, craving for the emotional sensations. In short, this makes me convinced that moderation is precious!

The Lord is very awesome because He gives us what we need very wisely and timely. Everything has its own time. A Time to weep, a time to smile. A time to walk among crowds and a time to be alone. A time to listen, a time to speak a few words. A time to labor, a time to rest. "Because it is the will of God Himself that all His faithful servants rejoice in good and grieve at sin." All is sufficient and 'moderate'!

Lord, Your Love always makes me amazed! Glory to Thee O Lord, for all things! Ameyn!

Gaze at You...

My elders taught me, when I was a youth, to cling to heaven and earth, lest I stumble. For a long time I remained a child, and for a long time I used to lean on the crutch that they gave me.

But once eternity flooded through me and I felt like a stranger in the world, heaven and earth snapped in two in my hands like a frail reed.

O Lord, my strength, how frail are heaven and earth! They look like palaces built of lead, but they evaporate like water in the palm of the hand in Your presence. Only by their bristling do they conceal their frailty, and frighten uneducated children.

Get out of my sight, suns and stars. Sunder yourselves from the earth. Do not entice me, women and friends. What help can I receive from you, who are helplessly growing old and sinking into the grave?

All your gifts are an apple with a worm in its core. All your potions have passed through someone's entrails many times. Your garments are a cobweb that my nakedness mocks. Your smiles are a proclamation of sorrow, in which your feebleness is screaming to mine for help.

O Lord, my strength, how feeble heaven and earth are! And all the evil that men do under heaven is an admission of feebleness and—infirmity.

Only someone strong dares to do good. Only someone who is nourished and watered with You, my strength, is filled with strength for goodness.

Only someone who sleeps in Your heart knows rest. Only someone who plows before Your feet will enjoy the fruit of his labors.

My childhood, nourished with fear and ignorance, came to an end; and my hope in heaven and earth vanished.

Now I only gaze at You and cling to Your gaze in return, O my cradle and my resurrection.

St. Nikolai Velimirovich, Prayers by the Lake:IV
c.f. FOCUS UNSW blog

morning walk

Our dorm is very busy recently, while we are in the time just before the semester break. The time is ticking so fast and it's like being in a hurry. I have just finished my intensive class of Statistics and some other activities, really only because of Lord's kindness that I might pass through them. There's no any other beautiful day but being with Faithful and Great Lord!

I take this special time to stop by here. I have not posted anything for a long time in this clumsy blog! But one song which I always chant here in my heart, The Lord is very faithful and merciful.

On the morning as I walked and looking at the green park, my youth friends with their energies, smiles and enthusiasm, I pondered in my heart. How the Lord loves us greatly. Sometimes in my ignorance I tend to think that it is what I do or what I have which matters. But the more I walk behind Him; I realize that his love is pure and unconditional. If all that's with me and all I 'have' are gone, what am I? My identity is not on those things, but hidden in Christ. Outside Him I can do nothing. It's in Him we move, we live and we have our being.

Life is pure gift from God. And He alone knows perfectly of who we are in Him. Yet it is my weakness which makes me think that I am this or that, and many times my life is not what I think. Lord, help me in all times to rely upon Your Holy Will, to act wisely and firmly without embarrassing and embittering others, those whom You love. You have shown us the Light, and our hearts can't stop to seek to be in Your Light. You have led us into Your Truth and our hearts are thirsty and hungry for Your righteousness. Being in You, my heart finds rest, and let it be so unto eternity. How gladsome it is that this life is not about me or what I can do or what I have, but that this life is about You and Your mighty love! Blessed be Your Holy Name, O Lord! Ameyn.