the Fatigue

As a youth who sometimes becomes emotional and reactive, I realize that many of my energy I spend in the emotional area. Start with the anxiety both before and after class, in the interactions with friends and etc. To be honest, there's no more time and energy consuming in my days than my own busy thoughts. How easy it is for my mind to be distracted and start worrying about class, about this and about that. Lord, have mercy on me, grant my heart stillness before Thee and Thy remembrance be in my heart and mind!

Awaking from my bed early this morning, I grabbed a piece of simple paper with a very beautiful prayer written on it. That was the prayer of Metopolitan Philaret of Moscow. And there I sat at the edge of the bed and recited the prayer down line to line and I saw a word which feels different this time. Here is the line:

"... Give me the strength to bear the fatigue
of the coming day with all that it shall bring."

As soon as I finished, I stopped for a while, looking at the word which I was not really sure of the meaning. I reached my English-Indonesia dictionary and looked it up. There I saw the translation: "kelelahan, keletihan", the same Bahasa words to describe ' [the cause of] tiredness, exhaustion'. O, really O Lord, I need Thy mercy. Glory to Thee O God for Thy faithfulness in the exhausting days. Only in Thee alone is my truest rest.

Remembering the prayer, I smile and am glad to remember that God has been so faithful that He allows the things to come to me according to His wisdom. And I realize that it is my own doubts, worries, anxieties, desires which wear me out. Lord, have mercy! Grant my heart O Lord to trust You and do what Thou has entrusted me in peace of soul, in deligence and submission. And... Give me the strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day with all that it shall bring." For behind all that You allow to come, there is always Your purest love." Amen.

Why then should I worry of many cares? Only one thing is needful! Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!