the love of others

There were four of us sitting at the table in the middle of the class among other students in Math Modelling class this morning. Little while before the class started, we received the grades for the mini quiz last week. I was a little bit anxious because I knew that I found the lengthy works of Differential equations with its fancy terms was not that easy. And it was. I got unsatisfactory result :D, which made me felt a little bit uncomfortable and yes, ashamed (in my weakness, at times I am a perfectionist).

And seeing this, one of my friend, (her name is Era) looked at me straightly after asking me what I got and said, "Yudhie, may be I can help you in this?" I responded, "Sure. That would be so helpful!" Then we figured out the time to study together, with another friend too.

Remembering that little conversation makes me realize how I have been forgetful that I am among others. It is not easy for me, either because of my shyness or even may be of my pride to ask my friends, "I need your help..." Rather I would prefer to do it alone and start being sad when I couldn't understand. Many times in my sinfulness, I like to 'help' others because that would make me feel worthy instead of revealing my struggle and to trust other to help and love me too. Lord, have mercy!

Glory to You O God for today.

At times, to love others doesn't mean me in the position of a 'hero' and thus I think 'I have done something!' which unfortunately could be a pitfall of pride. God in his wisdom allows the sadness and difficulties to keep us under His strong arm and not to trust to our own deceptive passions (of feeling has done something great out of my self) which leads only into misery. Let it be according to God's way and not mine... Therefore, once again I remember this beautiful and true words from my beloved brother, "For it is not only that we should love others, but that we should permit others to love us. What many do not understand, is that it is as much a grace of God poured into our hearts to let ourselves be loved, to accept the love of others, as it is a grace of God to love. Many do not accept our love, will not accept it, and rejecting our love, they not only turn away from us unworthy lovers, but they turn away from God Himself, who is the Only Lover of mankind, trying to love them through us His servants. This is another reason why I thank God for you every day: because you let me love you, and in some very small way minister to you by acts of kindness or generosity. Not me and mine, of course, but God's, whom I serve unworthily.

Because our unworthiness is swallowed up in the worthiness of Christ, who lives in us, and who does all these things. It is not we, but Christ living in us, who does every good act. We are like little children, naughty at times, but still following our big brother Jesus, and trying to do what we see Him doing, hoping that someday we will be more like Him. Jesus our older brother, though, is also our God and Savior. With a brother like that, can we do any better?" Ameyn!

Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!